ti Page 1171 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

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First of all, shut the fuck up, James Taranto....

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Dustin Pedroia Scores Winning Run By Dancing Around Rays Catcher
Dustin Pedroia scored an incredibly wacky run today, jumping around Rays catcher Luke Maile and eventually putting his nuts in Maile’s face to give the Red Sox their 11th straight win....

Report: LSU Fires Les Miles
LSU has fired head football coach Les Miles four games into the season, according to The Advocate. The school also canned offensive coordinator Cam Cameron....

Benches Clear After Nationals' A.J. Cole Throws Behind Pirates' Jung Ho Kang
The third inning of the Nationals-Pirates game featured—in order, each resulting from the one before—a fake tag, a Bryce Harper injury and a bench-clearing brawl....

Pedro Martínez On José Fernández: "I Saw A Better Talent Than I Was"
Pedro Martínez spoke today on TBS about the death of José Fernández, and how he imagines it feels for Fernández’s family. ...

Stanford Needed 59 Minutes To Score A Touchdown, But One Is All They Needed
Seventh-ranked Stanford came from behind to beat UCLA at the Rose Bowl tonight when Ryan Burns connected with JJ Arcega-Whiteside in the final minute of the game to give the Cardinal a 16-13 lead in a game that featured only a pair of offensive touchdowns....

Auburn Stuns LSU After Game-Winning, Last-Second Touchdown Taken Off Scoreboard By Replay Officials
An LSU game-winning touchdown pass on the final second of the game came off the board, giving Auburn a home win after replay officials judged the snap did not beat the buzzer....

She'll Catch It Next Time
Catching footballs is a skill even the professionals struggle with from time to time. We’re sure she’ll bounce back from this one....

High School Boys Soccer Team Forfeits Rather Than Risk Losing To Girls
The boys soccer team of a Christian high school in Arizona decided to forfeit a game rather than play a team that included girls, citing religious beliefs....

Peyton Manning's Hairline Is A Lie
Eagle-eyed reader Jim writes in that an ad campaign on ESPN.com features multiple Peyton Manning hairlines scattered amongst inane takes by Stephen A. Smith and fantasy football promotions. The former NFL QB is shilling for some brand you’ve never heard of, and when we checked for ourselves we found...

Washington State Plans To Force Students To Bail Out Broke Athletics Department
Washington State’s football team is 1-2 this season, including a loss to FCS team Eastern Washington. Head coach Mike Leach is still pulling a $3 million salary, though, and that’s contributed to an athletics department budget deficit—one the university plans to force students to bail out....

Another Night, Another Ejection For Targeting
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Sacramento D.A. Asks For Restraining Order Against Guy Who Threw A Pie At Kevin Johnson
“We’d like him to be let out on his own recognizance,” Sean Thompson’s lawyer Claire White said of her client, who is scheduled to be arraigned on felony assault charges on Tuesday for throwing a pie into the face of disgraced soon-to-be former Sacramento mayor Kevin Johnson. “Mr. Thompson doesn’t p...

Kevin Garnett Retires, Makes The NBA A Little More Sane And A Lot Less Fun
Kevin Garnett’s 21-year NBA has come to an end. The 40-year-old power forward, who spent last season playing sparingly for the Minnesota Timberwolves, announced his retirement on his Instagram page....

![Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/vx39uk0qkpugpvvrxiqy.jpg)
Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]
Over the past year, Donald Trump has called Ted Cruz a liar and a wacko, accused his father of helping to assassinate JFK, called his wife ugly, humiliated him at the RNC, and even once referred to Ted himself as “a pussy.” Now, Politico is reporting that Ted Cruz is “expected” to finally endorse Do...

Report: Buccaneers To Release Austin Seferian-Jenkins Following DUI Arrest
Tampa Bay Buccaneers tight end Austin Seferian-Jenkins was arrested early Friday morning for drunk driving. It now looks like the Bucs are releasing him....

You Already Know What Mike Ditka Thinks Of Colin Kaepernick, So Let's Just Laugh At His Big Dumb Head
Mike Ditka, a racist porcupine with a perpetual sunburn, has weighed in on the Colin Kaepernick situation. You really don’t need me to tell you exactly what he had to say about Kaepernick, because you already know that Ditka is a rotten old fuck who has been muttering, “If you don’t like America, yo...