ti Page 1582 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's Kobe Bryant Playing Electric Guitar, Scoring 68 Points in 15 Minutes

And both happened in China, which is the only way any of this makes sense. We were first alerted to this by Eye on Basketball and they have some details, culled from Kobe's facebook page....

Timmy McCarthy is an Irish sportscaster with a little bit of Randy Marsh and a lot of Ray Hudson in him. Enjoy....

A Dong PSA And A Cat To Put You To Shame: The Week In Unintentional Dongs

First off—sorry for the hiatus, we like to dedicate our full attention to the unintentional dong round up, and what with the Olympics, and all the other sports things...you know how it is. Anyway, we're back! Before jumping in, a brief PSA. Sometimes we get e-mails like this:...

Mark Martin Is Lucky He's Not Dead After Crash In Michigan Today

Mark Martin is 53 and only races part time these days. Today being one of those days, Martin was leading on lap 64 of the Pure Michigan 400 when things quickly turned south....

Red Sox Player Mutiny Now Kelly Shoppach's Fault Somehow

The New York Daily News features a screamer of a headline this morning: "Adrian Gonzalez off the hook as NY Mets' Kelly Shoppach takes fall for Boston's text mutiny." Oh, weird! I guess, contrary to the report from Yahoo, it was not "Adrian Gonzalez, texting on behalf of himself and some teammates,"...

Here's A Washington Nationals Fan Firing A Gun From His Car While Driving

This is probably one of the dumbest things I've ever seen committed to pixels. This one has it all. We have this spider web-faced genius firing his gun out his window in a residential neighborhood, speeding through a residential neighborhood, pulling over so he can show the camera his other, bigge...

Umpires Still Blow Call After Consulting With Each Other And That Is OK

Mark Reynolds and Buck Showalter were ejected in the fifth inning last night's game against the Tigers in Detroit. Reynolds was tossed after disputing a call reversal and Showalter for backing up his player....

Somebody Threw A Shoe At Danica Patrick's Car And Knocked Her Out Of A Race She Was Leading

"Something's fucked up" is all Danica Patrick could muster after leading much of today's NASCAR Nationwide tour race at Montreal then being knocked out by a mechanical issue after running over a shoe thrown onto the track by a spectator....

Man Escorted Out Of Comerica Park For Being So Drunk He May Have Pissed Himself

Here, for your convenience, are all the classic signs of a person who has had too much to drink. Wobbly knees. Friend struggling to help the person home. Others delighting in the person's misfortune. A brush with law enforcement. Oh, and piss-soaked shorts. [Sweater Punch]...

Baseball Hall of Famer Eddie Murray agreed to pay more than $350,000 to settle federal charges of insider trading....

Discussion Discussion: Surrounded By Assholes

If you've read our previous Discussion Discussions, or the Comment Of The Fortnight-Ish columns before those, by now you're likely familiar with how they work: we artfully (we hope) and circuitously (uh, yeah) lay out an argument for how best to conduct oneself down there, and hopefully by the end y...

Bryce Harper's Advice To Children: "Losing's Not Fun" And "Be As Sexy As You Can"

Bryce Harper is giving back. He hosted a baseball clinic yesterday, and it turned out to be a pretty big story in the D.C. area. Yeah, yeah, the camp was free for more than 200 children. Right, right, Harper was swell enough to swing by on his day off. OK, OK, Harper presented a giant check to a loc...

Bull Gores The Shit Out Of Matador [Possibly NSFW]

This is the moment Fernando Cruz took a horn halfway through his abdomen, at a Madrid bull ring on Wednesday. Cruz received a couple of gores, to his stomach and abdomen, with both horns. If you're not a fan of killing animals for sport, maybe you're applauding this news. We're not about to call you...

Misty May-Treanor Gets A Wheaties Box—Without Kerri Walsh Jennings (UPDATE)

Good morning, Kerri Walsh Jennings! What's for breakfast? Oh, just a big steaming bowl of poop, courtesy of General Mills. No Wheaties for you....

Horrible New Uniforms Mean Notre Dame Can Finally Compete With The Marylands Of The World

Here, courtesy reader @bobbyleecoy, are the uniforms Notre Dame will wear when the Fighting Irish lose to Miami in Chicago on Oct. 6. And while I'm a Notre Dame hater like the rest of you, even I can't begin to process the sartorial insult these things are to the school's decaying football tradition...

Tyrann Mathieu Is In Drug Rehab, Being Mentored By Former NBA Coach John Lucas

Ever since LSU coach Les Miles dismissed Tyrann Mathieu from the team last Friday, everyone's been wondering why it was done, where was Mathieu, and what would become of his immediate future. Well, some of those questions have finally been answered. An exclusive report from FOX 8 in New Orleans sa...

VP Candidate Paul Ryan Praised The "Storied" Cleveland Browns And Quarterback "Brendan Wheaton"

Political pandering is hard to pull off right these days, but Paul Ryan should know better than to laud a "storied" franchise that's never won a Super Bowl and has one winning season in the last 10 (and, depending on your interpretation of such things, has only existed since 1999). Also, you got t...

Tim Tebow Finds Out News About Himself Via ESPN

As you’ve probably heard, GQ used old photos of Tim Tebow for one of its September covers (Cam Newton has the other). Tebow didn’t agree to sit for a shoot, so they went to the archives, and voila, there’s a September cover. (N.B.: For anyone complaining about this—Mike Florio is particularly worked...

Matt Kemp's Tirade Was Too Obscene For One Young Pirates Fan [UPDATE]

In the middle of Andre Ethier's second-inning at-bat today in Pittsburgh, Matt Kemp (who was in the dugout and had struck out the previous inning) was jawing at home plate umpire Angel Campos, who warned Kemp at least once to cool it. (The first thing you can hear here is Campos telling Kemp, "I ...

<em>Compliance</em>: A Grierson & Leitch Conversation About Pranks, Coercion, And Blowjobs

Compliance, which opens Friday, was one of the most debated movies at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival. Starring Dreama Walker (now better known for Don't Trust the B—— in Apartment 23) and written and directed by Craig Zobel, it's a psychological thriller about an Ohio fast-food joint that becomes t...