ti Page 1581 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How to Not Look Like a Slob at Dinner
Welcome to A Gentleman's Quest for the Perfect Night Out, a four-part guide written by etiquette expert John Bridges meant to instruct our more testosteroney readers on how to comport themselves during the evening hours. With the help of Clear Men Scalp Therapy, which gives you 100% dandruff protec...
How Paralympians Cheat By Injuring Themselves
The Paralympics are legitimately inspiring—check this promo and you'll be ready to run through a wall—but they are, at the end of the day, athletes. For all the feel-good stories, they're just looking to win. And that means for the Paralympic Games what it's meant for every competition since the daw...
"Cy-ber Young," A 200-Pound Robot, Threw Out Tonight's First Pitch In Detroit
When the robot army eventually rises up and enslaves all of Earth's citizens some years from now, I hope we all have the foresight to remember this day, when a 200-pound robot named "Cy-ber Young" took the mound at Comerica Park and showed that it could accurately hit a target with a baseball. It ...
Here's A Sneak Peek At A New Documentary On Knuckleball Pitchers
R.A. Dickey is one of the best stories in baseball this year, partly due to his singular, newfound success and the fact that he's doing it in a way different from every single other big league pitcher. As fate would have it, documentarians Anne Sundberg and Ricki Stern shadowed Dickey and Tim Wake...
Mike Birbiglia's <em>Sleepwalk With Me</em> And The Art (And Agony) Of Stand-Up Comedy
I'm in awe of stand-up comics....
Help Someone Give Away Her Cubs Tickets To A Family Who Could Use Them
Journalist Susannah Breslin writes to Deadspin:...
Local Virgins Say Tim Tebow May Be Able To Remain A Virgin In New York, Reports <em>NYT</em>
The sports section of today's New York Times busied itself with yet another important journalism project on the topic of Tim Tebow's virginity. Tebow himself, however, was "unavailable for comment," so Times writer Bob Tedeschi did the next most logical thing: He tracked down a handful of young NYC...
Bristolmetrics: The Jets Are America's Team, According To Tebow-Horny <em>SportsCenter</em>
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week....
Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: Who Will Tell The Children?
Last season, we learned that a fat guy who throws a baseball was much more than a fat guy who throws a baseball—the pitching performances of Bartolo Colon were nothing less than an ongoing assay of the human condition. One bad start against the Toronto Blue Jays was a sign that we live in a world wi...
Batista Takes In An Ashlee Simpson Concert: More Wrestler Run-Ins
Inspired by the saga of "Wrestling Superstar Virgil," we continue with readers' encounters with the titans of the squared circle. If you've had your own run-in with pro wrestlers past or present, e-mail us, subject line "Virgilbag."...
Bartolo Colon Tests Positive For Testosterone, Suspended 50 Games
Like his Dominican compatriot Melky Cabrera, who also plays on the west coast and tested positive for testosterone and was suspended for 50 games by MLB, Bartolo Colon had recently been playing better than we expected him to. Colon, who pitched for the Yankees last year and Oakland this year, had a ...
Tree-Poisoner Harvey Updyke Is "Meaner Than Anyone In The World," Writes Little Girl
The trees at Auburn's Toomer's Corner: not doing so hot. "Aesthetically dead if not actually dead," the university said last week. (Still, they might be doing better than Harvey Updyke, who is living in his car in the woods as he awaits trial.) The oaks received a massive pruning earlier this month,...
Area Couple Offended By "Loud, Sexualized, Pagan" Olympics
There is nothing in the world like the letters to the editor section of a small newspaper. Remember the Ohio man who wanted the "bisexual" buckeye removed as the state tree? By definition, the people who write these things have too much time on their hands and a capacity for outrage that only kicks ...
Everyone Hates Preseason Football, Except The 9.5 Million People Who Watched Colts-Steelers: TV Ratings, In Context
A weekly feature wherein we contextualize TV ratings for national sports broadcasts. Data via Nielsen and Sports Business Journal's John Ourand. Viewership numbers represent approximate number of persons tuned to a given program; ratings share refers to the percentage of all households using a telev...
Scottie Pippen's Porsche Had A Fender-Bender In Chicago Today
Scottie Pippen, who is totally not bankrupt, had a minor car accident on Chicago's Magnificent Mile this afternoon. According to our tipster, his Porsche collided with an Audi at the corner of Michigan and Chestnut (right across the street from the Hancock Center). Pippen stepped out to make a phone...
Rhino Fart Just Demolishes Morning Newscast
Hoo boy, if you weren't watching Kickin' It With Kenny on today's Fox 8 Cleveland news, you missed out. Never fear: here's the moment when mama rhino Kibibbi let fly during her morning hosedown. That's 1.3 tons of rhino rumbling your speakers and sending reporter Kenny Crumpton into a giggle fit f...
Clinton Portis, Coach Janky Spanky, Sheriff Gonna Getcha, Southeast Jerome, Dolla Bill, Dr. Do Itch Big, Bro Sweets, Prime Minister Yah Mon, Bud Foxx, Coconut Jones, And Choo-Choo All Announce Their NFL Retirements
Clinton Portis, who last played through an injury-plagued year in 2010, will officially announce his retirement Thursday at a news conference at Redskins Park. Portis was fabulous for the better part of seven seasons in Denver and Washington, but his legacy might suffer from the fact that he played ...
Georgia May Have To Self-Report NCAA Violation After Dumbass Fan Calls Recruit
Steven Nelson is a cornerback for the College of the Sequoias, and as a three-star recruit on Rivals.com is one of the more anticipated juco transfers coming out after this season. He committed to Georgia back in February, but is keeping his options open and touring other interested schools. He repo...
The Genius Of <em>Enemy Of The State</em>, Tony Scott's Best Film
In the reaction to the sudden death of Tony Scott, a quick consensus emerged: Scott was a more interesting director than he'd been given credit for throughout his career; Top Gun and his general style helped usher in the age of Michael Bay and Olivier Megaton-ism; and the one movie everyone could ag...
Michele Smith Became The First Female Analyst For A National Baseball Broadcast Yesterday. Here's How Viewers Reacted.
TBS broke unprecedented ground Sunday when they put analyst Michele Smith in the booth alongside Ernie Johnson and John Smoltz for their broadcast of the Dodgers-Braves game. It's the first time a woman has ever served in the commentary role for a national MLB broadcast, and is one of a handful of ...