ti Page 1700 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Chile To Investigate Pablo Neruda's Death; FIFA-Adviser Henry Kissinger To Investigate His Navel
A judge in Chile just ordered an investigation into the mysterious death of poet Pablo Neruda, who supposedly succumbed to prostate cancer 12 days after a Henry Kissinger-backed right wing coup installed a hideous dictator who brutalized and slaughtered his own people for years. The circumstances su...
Watch This Heroic Linesman Valiantly Try To Keep The Portland Timbers Undefeated At Home
Despite the best efforts of its alcoholic fans and a possibly drunk linesman, the Portland Timbers finally lost at home this past weekend. For a while, though, it looked like Portland might steal a victory from visiting DC United. That was because the refereeing crew seemed determined to give the ...
An Edmonton Oiler Picked Up A Hitchhiking Bono In Vancouver
As a young driver, they used to tell me: Always pick up hitchhikers. You never know when one of them will be the guy who scored Spider-Man: the Musical....
Confessions Of A Second-Grade Reaganite
Ronald Reagan would have been 100 years old this year, but he's dead now and riding ponies up in heaven or something. I was in second grade in 1984, when Reagan defeated Walter Mondale in the biggest election landslide in American history. And for reasons unknown to me now, I appear to have adored t...
The Justice Department Is Very Interested In The BCS's Legality
As are we all (fans will take the empire crumbling any way they can get it, but the government probably has more say in that than sports writers.) Bill Hancock will meet with DOJ lawyers sometime this summer for what he's calling a "voluntary background briefing." Basically, they want to know how th...
This Is One Way To Get Out Of Your Impending Wedding
To tell the Tale of Topless, Stimulant-Riddled, About-To-Be-Married "Sasha S," not much more beyond the "Drugged-up bodybuilder causes road carnage" headline is necessary. Well, other than the kicker:...
Derek Jeter Leads AL Shortstops in All-Star Voting, NL Responds By Adding Extra Infielder
It's stupid to get angry at one particular casualty of the fans' All-Star Game voting, because they annually and reliably fail to select the deserving candidates at each position. But Derek Jeter's early accumulation of 40% more votes than the second-place AL shortstop is just too awful to let go....
Tim Donaghy On Game 1: How The Refs Set The Tone Of A Game
As he did for us last year, Tim Donaghy, a contributing writer for The Sports Connection and a former NBA referee who spent 11 months in prison for relaying inside information to gamblers, will review the performance of his former colleagues during the NBA Finals. Here's a quarter-by-quarter break...
It Would Be Soooo ABA If The Miami Heat Logo Looked Like This
Any team with a "theme" name is probably going to have a bad logo. That's just how it works. The Miami Heat is no exception. The team's logo is a flaming basketball dropping into a toilet bowl. Crap, I say. Lucky for us, an overly devoted Miami fan (whom I happen to know) took the trouble to search ...
Shaq Retires On Twitter
Shaquille O'Neal took to his Twitter account minutes ago to announce his retirement before the official announcement of his retirement, which we will now announce to you, because this is the strange nature of the interwebs. We want to hug him, and to extend an invitation for him to take an honorar...
FIFA's Version Of Democracy Captured In A Single Photo
I'm sure all of you will be clustered around the internet wire today as the exciting results of FIFA's hotly contested presidential race trickle in. Early exit polls reveal that voters are evenly split between Sepp Blatter and Sepp Blatter, but you never know which way the suburbs of Prague will go....
Watch This Dodgers Fan Drop His Kid To Reach For A Foul Ball, Which He Then Drops
In fairness, that kid is like four feet tall. And wearing a silly hat. Nonetheless: foibles!...
Hungover Portlanders Rise From Their Organic Granola To Respond To Us
Here's Stumptown Footy's full post. To which we say: dude....
You Can Still Buy Atlanta Thrashers Season Tickets
Not 15 minutes ago, I called up the Thrashers and inquired about season tickets, of which there are plenty still available. And the nice lady who answered the phone was more than willing to take down my credit card information to put in my deposit. This despite the minor detail that the Thrashers ar...
Portland Fans Are Too Hung Over To Cheer Properly
The surest sign that it was a good idea to give Portland an MLS franchise: their fans already have a collective drinking problem. The supporters group is turning teetotaler to keep from embarrassing itself again....
The Worst Soccer Miss Since The Last Worst Soccer Miss Of All Time
There is an understandable tendency, here and elsewhere, to call soccer misses such as this the "worst of all time." But by its very nature, any open net miss immediately trumps the former open net miss as the worst miss of all time. They're all, in their own unique ways, exceedingly awful. So we'...
Phillies Fans Find New Way To Embarrass Nationals In Their Own Park
As if the usual horde of Philadelphians and assorted bandwagoners outnumbering the Nats fans in DC weren't enough, they found a way to impose themselves on the action. After Danny Espinosa's home run in the fifth landed in a section of Phillies fans, one chucked the ball back on to the field as if...
Tony Romo Had A Beautiful Wedding, Even Though He Invited Wade Phillips
Here's a photo of the happy couple. Read ESPN Dallas's report:...
Novak Djokovic Is So Good That He Already Won Tomorrow's Match
Take note, aspiring tennisfolk, because this is the kind of thing that happens for you if you're on a 41-match win streak in 2011....
Deadspin Classic: Here Are Some Really Happy Dogs Welcoming Soldiers Home
This post originally ran on Veterans Day 2010. No less affecting today....