ti Page 956 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tyler Eifert Scored A Touchdown And Chugged A Beer
The Falcons’ secondary is porous, but scoring a TD on any team is a perfectly fine occasion to crack open a beer. The Bengals’ Tyler Eifert obviously didn’t have a cold one near the end zone, but that didn’t stop him from improvising with the football to pay tribute to Stone Cold Steve Austin with h...

Gritty Earns The Phillie Phanatic's Respect Through Dance
The greatest mascot in American professional sports took another step towards earning total admiration from the Philadelphia faithful on Saturday when he decided to have a dance party with the true O.G. of the charming-but-still-creepy mascot game: the Phillie Phanatic. The opening hug alone should ...

Addison Russell's Ex-Wife Says She Will Cooperate With MLB's Abuse Investigation
Melisa Reidy-Russell, ex-wife of Chicago Cubs shortstop Addison Russell, said in an interview with ESPN’s Jesse Rogers that she will cooperate with MLB’s domestic violence investigation of her ex-husband now that their divorce is finalized. The divorce became official at the end of August, and earli...

Let's Remember Some Guys: Treasure Trove Guys Volume IV
What a world, what a world. How, you might wonder, is someone to live in a world like this one, all crumbling and cruel and forsaken and loud? It’s a great question and honestly buddy I’ve got nothing for you there. But I can tell you this much: if you have in your possession a box full of random ol...

Woman Who Accused Cristiano Ronaldo Of Rape Tells Her Full Story, Seeks To Void Settlement<em></em>
Last year, German magazine Der Spiegel unearthed documents that revealed an out-of-court settlement from 2010 between international soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo and an anonymous American woman who had accused Ronaldo of raping her in a Las Vegas hotel room. Today, that woman has cast aside that ano...

No Man Under 30 Has Won A Tennis Major<em></em>
Happy birthday to Marin Cilic, who turns 30 today, and thanks for making tennis history. As of Sept. 28, no men’s tennis player under the age of 30 has won a major. This has never occurred before in the sport. Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, Novak Djokovic, Andy Murray, Stan Wawrinka, Juan Martin Del P...

The NFL Re-Emphasizes Its Emphasis On A Rule No One Understands
During Sunday’s Raiders-Dolphins game, as a replay sequence that included the above clip was shown to viewers, the CBS broadcast crew had the following conversation:...

Wayde Sims, 20-Year-Old LSU Forward, Shot And Killed Near Southern University Campus
LSU junior forward Wayde Sims was shot near a neighboring university’s campus early Friday morning. The 20-year-old was taken to a local hospital where he died of his injuries, according to Baton Rouge Police....

Some Types Of Pain Are More Valuable Than Others
It’s both a truism and true that politics is about power, how it’s used and who it’s used against. But politics are also about the business of pain—about which individuals and which communities bear how much and at what cost, and so implicitly whose pain is worth more than others. Everyone lives in ...

The Jimmy Butler Trade Saga Has Entered The Realm Of Farce
For a team that reportedly doesn’t actually want to trade disgruntled star Jimmy Butler, the Minnesota Timberwolves sure seem intent on wasting everybody’s time. The Ringer’s Kevin O’Connor reported that Minnesota asked for Ben Simmons from Philadelphia, which is not ever a thing that’s going to hap...

Amazon's Thursday Night Football Language Options: English, Spanish, Women
It was announced this week that Hannah Storm and Andrea Kremer would become the first duo of women to call an NFL game during tonight’s Thursday Night Football game between the Vikings and the Rams. Joe Buck and Troy Aikman would work the television broadcast, and Storm and Kremer would work the Ama...

Tristan Thompson, Apparently Forgetting Everything That Happened This Summer, Talks Shit About East Contenders
LeBron James left the Cleveland Cavaliers this summer. You may have heard. He is now a member of the Los Angeles Lakers. His minutes on the Cavaliers will be used by some combination of Cedi Osman, Rodney Hood, and I guess David Nwaba. Here is video evidence that Tristan Thompson somehow managed to ...

Brett Kavanaugh Really, Really Likes Beer
Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh spoke many words at today’s confirmation hearings. Probably you know this already, but his opening statement, and the responses that followed, were an overlong fever dream, taking surreal detours into calendar hygiene, workouts with some now-legendary Tobin, his...

The Horror On TV
That all of this—the unalloyed and dovetailing lust for power of one white male sociopath and the aggregate of white men, the future of the highest judicial body in the country, that country’s total failure to assign any kind of consequence to sexual violence, America’s marrow-deep hatred and fear a...

The Baltimore Orioles Have Been Even Worse Than They Look
In 2005, the Baltimore Orioles shocked the world with a 42-28 start, good enough to keep them in first place in the AL East into mid-summer. This was before Rafael Palmeiro, fresh off his 3000th hit, lied to Congress and tested positive for steroids; before ostensible ace Sidney Ponson was arrested ...

Cristiano Ronaldo Told He CANNOT Play Against Young Boys<em></em>
Young Boys can rest easy, knowing that this menace has been forbidden from going at them....

Rishard Matthews Asks For Release From Titans After They Just Sorta Stopped Throwing To Him
Veteran wideout Rishard Matthews, who led the Tennessee Titans’ WR corps in both catches and yards in each of the last two seasons, has been nearly invisible this year. He had missed some preseason time recovering from knee surgery, but he says he’s “100 percent healthy,” and it’s not like he’s been...

If This Really Was Bryce Harper's Last Home Game As A National, VICTOR ROBLES VICTOR ROBLES
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who get misty while reading about Bryce Harper walking around in his uniform more than three hours before what could be his last home game as a National, and those who have no time for sentimentality because they’re too busy drooling over what Victor...

Pablo Fornals Might Have Just Scored The Goal Of The Season
They only just gave out the FIFA award for best goal of the season on Monday, and we already have a solid candidate for next year’s edition. Behold, the wondergoal of Pablo Fornals of Villarreal:...
![Boxer Victor Ortiz Turns Himself In On Rape Charges [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/pe517dxqxdh4jiasm7vk.jpg)
Boxer Victor Ortiz Turns Himself In On Rape Charges [Update]
Boxer Victor Ortiz, who has been charged with multiple counts of sexual assault, including “forcible rape,” turned himself in Tuesday, as the Ventura County Star first reported....