ti Page 957 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Local Idiots Wreck Minnesota Soccer Field By Doing A Bunch Of Donuts On It<em></em>

Police in Hastings, Minnesota have identified two men they suspect of driving onto the Veterans Athletic Complex and doing a ludicrous amount of donuts, damaging over 200,000 square feet of soccer fields in the process, according to ABC 5 Eyewitness News. The two men, who have not been publicly name...

Does Luke Voit Know How To Eat? An Investigation

Yankees first baseman Luke Voit is big and beefy and slugs dingers—including one in the first inning on Opening Day—so one could probably assume that he consumes calories, at least on occasion, in order to give his body energy....

Dear God

Media To Robert Kraft: Florida's Sunshine Law Applies To You, Too

A group of media companies—mostly publishers of Florida-based newspapers, as well as a few national outlets—filed a motion on Tuesday to intervene in more than a dozen cases of soliciting prostitution, whose defendants include New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft. The motion was necessary because...

Betsy DeVos "Corrects The Record" On Desire To Defund Special Olympics By Reiterating Desire To Defund Special Olympics

On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos went before a House appropriations subcommittee and, as she has in every previous year of the Trump presidency, requested a series of huge cuts to the Department of Education—$7 billion in total this time around, which is roughly 10 percent of the depar...

Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds

Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...

What Is Lionel Messi Worth To Argentina?

There is a simple, financial answer to the question posed in the headline of this article: Lionel Messi is reportedly worth €450,000 per contractually-arranged international friendly. That is how much the Argentinian Football Federation (AFA) lost out on after Messi’s recent groin injury kept him ou...

Here Come The Padres

After an exceedingly depressing offseason, in which months passed without anything happening and top free agents remain unsigned and two-thirds of the league evinced no interest in winning, it is time to feel good. Feel good about the weather warming, feel good that it’s just one day until real, act...

Whatever Michael Avenatti Has On Nike, No One Really Gives A Shit

Michael Avenatti wanted money, it appears. Maybe he thought he needed it. That much is clear from the two sets of federal charging documents filed against him Monday, one in New York and another in California. In the California case, a 197-page document outlines how authorities believe Avenatti misr...

Robert Griffin III's Former Agent Sues Him Over Missing Endorsement Payments

On Friday, NFL agent Ben Dogra filed a breach of contract lawsuit against Ravens backup Robert Griffin III, alleging that Griffin owes Dogra exactly $658,975.57. The complaint—which you can find below and was first reported on by Yahoo Sports—alleges that Griffin continually shorted Dogra on his 15 ...

Who's Living In Whose Head Rent-Free Lately?

The phrase “living rent-free in your head” has lived rent-free in my head for some time. It feels symptomatic of the deep rot at the core of almost all human interaction online. These days it spews out of the mouths of the craven and the righteous, the world-famous and the anonymously online. Depre...

My Kids Won’t Stop Gaslighting Me<em></em>

If you’ve been around these internet parts for the past few years, you know all about gaslighting, wherein people stand behind a lie so fervently that they compel others to believe it as well, leaving marks unsure as to what is true and what really is the name of Apple CEO Tim Apple....

MLB Suspends Giants CEO Larry Baer Without Pay For Physical Altercation With His Wife

The MLB front office announced today that commissioner Robert Manfred has suspended San Francisco Giants CEO and minority owner Larry Baer until July 1 of this year—essentially half the baseball season—without pay for the altercation with his wife that was caught on video and published by TMZ earlie...

The President Couldn't Help Being Weird At The Capitals' White House Visit

On Monday—a curiously long time after winning the Stanley Cup, given that the team in question didn’t need to wait for a road trip to Washington—the Capitals visited the White House. More notable was who didn’t make the trip....

The Celtics Are A Stinky Mess Again, Again

So it was not a great weekend for the Boston Celtics, once upon a time and now not at all the presumptive class of the Eastern Conference. In fact it was a very bad one!...

Michael Avenatti Charged With Trying To Extort Nike, And, Separately, Wire And Bank Fraud [Updated]

This morning, lawyer Michael Avenatti had an announcement....

Anthony Pettis's Superman Punch KO Was Flawless And Brutal

The main event of Saturday night’s UFC Fight Night card lasted two rounds, and Anthony Pettis spent the bulk of that time getting picked apart by Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson. It was a suitably thorough performance from one of the UFC’s most accomplished kickboxers, right up until the moment Pettis ...

Why Does WWE Honor The Ultimate Warrior?

Few relationships in professional wrestling’s history have been more bizarre than the long-running and extremely fraught one between The Ultimate Warrior and Vince McMahon and McMahon’s wrestling promotion. Over the course of decades, the relationship featured multiple splits and just as many lawsui...

Gronk Done

Rob Gronkowski, the lout to end all louts, announced his retirement from the NFL on Sunday. The Summer of Gronk will now be year-round. ...

The NFL Isn't Quite Sure How To Fix Pass Interference

The NFL acknowledges that pass interference is kind of a mess. Not only is it perhaps the most subjective of judgment calls officials are asked to make, but the very nature of it—often with more than five or 10 or even 15 yards in the balance—means it has the potential to swing games more than any o...