to Page 1133 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kelby Tomlinson Gets His First MLB Hit, In Front Of His Wife
Kelby Tomlinson might not have prevented the Giants’ bullpen from blowing Monday night’s contest against the Braves, but the gangly 25-year-old rookie did his best with his only at-bat of the game....
Carlos Correa Did That Thing Again
Remember Carlos Correa’s first 10 days in the big leagues, when he showed up and started turning pitches that had no business even being swung at into home runs? Well, he’s still doing that....
Onside Punt Touchdown Is A True Gift From Canada
Canada’s been leaving us some crappy gifts lately, but here’s something from tonight’s Toronto-Hamilton game that might perk your ears up: an onside punt touchdown, unique to the Canadian game and something we strongly encourage Roger Goodell to unilaterally write into American Football’s rules....
HitchBOT Was A Literal Pile Of Trash And Got What It Deserved
First things first. “HitchBOT,” for all practical purposes, was a garbage can with an iPhone in it. It could not walk or stand or fire lasers or open a can of beans. By what standard was this piece of useless shit a “robot” in the first place? The answer: a shabby standard. A Canadian one....
The Greatest Boxer Alive Is Too Good For His Sport
Guillermo Rigondeaux—El Chacal, or The Jackal—is by far the greatest fighter in the world today. He may be the greatest fighter of the last 20 years. Unfortunately, he will soon lose for the first time, surely by knockout, and with his defeat will come sighs of relief and a lot of people saying, “I ...
Somebody Fucked With The Spurs Jesus
When Spurs Jesus got burglarized last month, he didn’t turn the other cheek, and he didn’t forgive his (literal) trespassor. Because he’s not actually Jesus, he’s just a weird San Antonio fan who pretends to be Christ. ...
Confusing Poncho Claims Another Victim At Baseball Game
The dreaded poncho ensnared another person at Saturday’s Rays-Red Sox game, when a man preparing for rain couldn’t figure out where that other dang arm hole was....
The Royals And Blue Jays Hate Each Other And We're All Winners
So, here we go. The postseason series we’d get if there’s any justice in this world. Royals and Blue Jays, two newly resurgent franchises with big designs on October, and a sharp and abiding acrimony for each other that wasn’t satisfied by yesterday’s bench-clearing or name-calling....
Hakeem Olajuwon Was Something Else In College, Man
Today the NBA played the league’s first-ever game in Africa, pitting “Team World” against “Team Africa” in Johannesburg. The game—which managed to be largely boring, yet still a breath of fresh air in the final dog days of summer—was won by Team World, 101-97, and featured one nostalgic and genuinel...
How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice
Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on which to count highway billboards threatening you with ultimatums like “Accept Jesus Or Burn In Hell.” Not a whole lot to recommend the place once you get out of earshot of the surf....
Truly I Say To You Today That Bono Is An Asswipe
At the intersection of all the annoying things a rock star can be—messianic, pretentious, vapid, dumb, old, creatively bankrupt, grandiose, utterly bereft of self-awareness, calcified into a grotesque oily wire-rack-in-the-grocery-store knockoff of himself, part of U2, et cetera—there sits Bono in h...
This Is The Refusal Roberto Clemente Got When He Asked For A Raise
Following his 1959 season—his fifth full year in the bigs—Hall-of-Fame outfielder Roberto Clemente asked for a raise, to $23,000. GM Joe L. Brown, architect of those great Pirates teams of the ‘60s and ‘70s, replied with a letter politely but firmly telling Clemente that he wasn’t good enough....
The First <i>Mission: Impossible </i>Movie Is Very '90s And Very Necessary
There has never been a bad Mission: Impossible movie. They’ve all been ridiculous. They’ve all strained credulity. They’ve all had dense, convoluted plots that don’t really stand up to any scrutiny. They’ve all functionally served as Tom Cruise stunt reels, the plots reduced to incoherent connective...
There Will Never Be Another Ronda Rousey
Ronda Rousey, the UFC women’s bantamweight champion, is defending her title on Saturday night. She will win easily....
Padres Manager Pulled His Players To Screw With Everyone
With the MLB trade deadline tomorrow, fans are now on Early Exit Watch. Any player who leaves a game early will be considered to be involved in a trade, until proven otherwise. (Yesterday, the opposite happened.) When Justin Upton and Matt Kemp prematurely left Wednesday’s Padres game, the buzz star...
The New <i>Mission: Impossible </i>Is Almost Better Than The New <i>Mad Max</i>
1. I think if the Mission: Impossible franchise starred anyone other than Tom Cruise, we’d regard all these movies as classics. All five have been excellent in their own ways, but unlike any other franchise I can think of, each sequel is better than its predecessor. Each has a different director, an...
Blue Jays Trade For David Price, Are Coming For The AL East
Just two days after trading for all-world shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, the Toronto Blue Jays have gone and pulled off another blockbuster. According to multiple reports, the Jays have landed Tigers ace David Price in exchange for a package built around top pitching prospect Daniel Norris. ...
Red Sox Fan Pukes All Over People Below Him
Don’t ever go to Boston, man. Boston is bad....
Tom Brady's Lawsuit Will Be Heard In New York, Like The NFL Wanted
Yesterday, the NFLPA filed its suit on behalf of Tom Brady, claiming the NFL contravened and exceeded its own CBA-granted disciplinary powers in suspending him four games for Ballghazi. The suit was, as expected, filed in Minnesota, where the union has won a series of favorable judgments. It was so ...