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The Spunky Genius Of Twitter's @LAKings, The Second-Biggest Surprise Of The Playoffs
The Los Angeles Kings are 7-1 since we asked if anyone could stop them. They're steamrolling the Coyotes like they steamrolled the Blues and Canucks, and they're a good bet to steamroll whichever team wins the Port Authority Bus Terminal Series. They have unquestionably been the best thing about the...

A Commemorative GIF Of Brett Lawrie's "Unlucky" Helmet Spike That Hit Umpire Bill Miller And Earned Him A Four-Game Suspension
Blue Jays infielder Brett Lawrie will sit out the next four games after throwing a tantrum on home plate umpire Bill Miller during the ninth inning of Toronto's game against Tampa Bay. "It took a bad hop and hit him totally by accident," stated Lawrie, who appealed the suspension though he does pla...

You Will Eat 30 Bowls Of Cereal A Day (And 11 Other Things You Should Know Before Going To College)
I got this letter from Funbag reader Anthony, which seemed rather timely:...

Eric Hassli's Stoppage Time Volley Proved The Existence Of A Canadian Rocket Program
While the Voyageurs Cup may be one of soccer's less-prestigious trophies, claiming it in the Canadian Championship does have its rewards: specifically, an invite to the CONCACAF Champions League. Last night's first leg between Whitecaps and Toronto FC in Vancouver looked like an upset 1-0 win by t...

Yes, Chicago's ABC Affiliate Identified Metta World Peace As "Lakers Idiot"
Last night the internets buzzed about the veracity of a photo showing the lower third graphic from a TV newscast identifying Lakers ne'er-do-well Metta World Peace as "Lakers Idiot." Our pals over at Busted Coverage asked this morning if it was real, and as the video above will show you, it is in...

Derrick Rose Is Now Getting Around With A Walker
With his recovery expected to take eight to 12 months, we all knew the Bulls' superstar was in for a grind. But this is just so sad. Until we saw this photo, we had no idea his rehab regimen would also include bingo games, afternoon naps, and the occasional early-bird special....

John Tortorella Has Had Just About Enough Of Your Damn Questions
We'll keep it in the room, Stan....

This Randomly Awesome Manifesto Might Be The Horse_ebooks Of Sports
Reddit user hyxurial posted this nonsensical yet somehow strangely compelling manifesto late last night and though it has since been removed, it lives on in my RSS reader and deserves a moment to be appreciated. The ADD-infused thought changes and DFW-esque inline footnoting are abrupt yet welcome, ...

Notre Dame LB Arrested At House Party Allegedly Told Cop, "My People Will Get You"
Notre Dame quarterback Tommy Rees initially was the one who looked like he was in deep shit after what allegedly happened when cops broke up a huge off-campus house party two weeks ago. Rees faces misdemeanor charges including resisting arrest and battery, though prosecutors did reduce that latter c...

<em>What To Expect When You're Expecting</em> Makes Me Want To Get A Vasectomy
My wife and I love kids—we just don't want to have any of our own. That shouldn't be a big deal, but sometimes other people sure act like it is. There have been a few too many instances when my wife and I have been around other folks' babies and the inevitable question comes up: "When are you two go...

Reconstructing The Most Exciting Day In The History Of Soccer (And Maybe Sports, Period)
The final day of the 2011 MLB regular season enchanted us with its insanity; its events became a video game montage and inspired its own tag here on Deadspin. That day, however, only determined which teams would gain entry to the playoffs. By comparison, Sunday's final day of the English Premier ...

Laurie Fine Goes To A Castle To Tell The World She Didn't Hump The Ball Boy (Among Other Things)
GENEVA, N.Y.—At 11 a.m. today, Laurie Fine stood outside of a castle about an hour west of the Syracuse University apartments in which, according to a former ball boy's testimony, she had sex with Syracuse men's basketball players. Here, flanked by the sun, the tweeting birds, and the rippling water...

Better Know An Umpire: Bill Miller
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

Sean Payton Is The Prophet Elijah
New Orleans is getting used to life without Sean Payton, who has begun serving a one-year suspension for his role in the bounty scandal. There was always the possibility that the Saints would handle the situation quietly and without hyperbole or fanfare, not wanting to draw attention to the actions ...

24-Year-Old Finance Guy Asks All His Dates To Complete A Creepy Survey Afterward
Last month, we brought you a finance guy's way-too-detailed spreadsheet of the ladies he met on Match.com. A reader who enjoyed that post then passed along this survey she received from a man she briefly dated in Philadelphia....

How I Threw My Hair-Perm Superfly Spitball, By Dock Ellis: A New Animated Short
The video above is "Superfly Spitball," an animated short that grew out of the same interview—conducted by Donnell Alexander and Neille Ilel—that gave us Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No. Animated by Heidi Perry and co-produced by Thor Swift, the short will appear in a forthcoming iBook, Beyond Ellis D....

What Dock Ellis Taught Me About Drugs, Spitballs, Hair Curlers, Office Culture, Race, And America
Be sure to watch the accompanying animated short, "Superfly Spitball."...

Outtakes From My Four Hours With Justin Bieber, The Swaggiest Of Swaggy Bros
I interviewed Justin Bieber for GQ—Bieber had just turned 18, so they sent me to Los Angeles to try to make a man out of him—and one of the strange things about his life is that he seems to be surrounded by adults at all times. He arrived at the studio surrounded by adults. His two closest friends a...

The Padres And Nationals Were Ready To Resume Play, But Three Of The Umpires Were Nowhere To Be Found
Umpires often like to say they're doing their jobs when no one notices them. But Tony Randazzo, Alan Porter, and Larry Vanover weren't trying to prove themselves when they literally disappeared for a moment yesterday at Nationals Park....

Here Is A Video Of Charles Barkley Using A Shake Weight In Extremely Slow Motion
TNT's Inside The NBA hosts Shaquille O'Neal and Charles Barkley are engaged in some sort of workout competition, and tonight Shaq tossed Charles Barkley a Shake Weight to help Chuck's battle of the bulk. While it doesn't appear Sir Charles understands the device too well, it's still a delicious i...