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Some Poor Bastard's Cell Phone Went Off During John Tortorella's Press Conference, And Torts Was Not Happy
John Tortorella's press conferences are the stuff of legend: tense, terse legend. At least from the media side, they're more amusing than hostile. But there's going to come a day when the Rangers aren't winning, and the scribes are going to refer to their mental tally of all the times Torts bullie...

Los Angeles's Favorite Hockey Team Is A Basketball Team
I don't know if the Kings are the best team in hockey, but I know they're the hottest, and I know they have a better chance of winning a championship than the Lakers or Clippers do, and I know that's not the Kings' logo, NBC Los Angeles....

Boston's Game Two Loss Left This Celtics Fan Looking For Something To Lick
The Sixers downed the Celtics 82-81 last night to even their Eastern Conference semifinal series at one-all, a result that got this Bostonian so hot and bothered he was reduced to panting....

Torii Hunter Goes On Restricted List For Personal Reasons After Son Charged With Sexual Assault
Tim Mead, the Angels' VP of communications, just tweeted that Torii Hunter has been placed on the restricted list for personal reasons. The Angels have no further comment, but earlier today police announced that five students at Prosper (Texas) High School have been arrested and charged with sexual ...

Who Was Behind @TVSportsratings, The Anonymous Twitter Account Hated By Sports TV Executives?
Over the weekend, the anonymous gadfly behind @TVSportsratings—one of the more interesting sports-biz Twitter feeds around, unless you count @darrenrovell, which you shouldn't—nuked his own account after sending the following direct message to John Ourand of SportsBusiness Journal:...

The Capitals Are A Team Without A Coach Or A Plan
Dale Hunter will not return as coach of the Washington Capitals, it was announced just two days after the Caps lost a Game 7 in the Eastern Conference semifinals. It's a shock to just about everyone but the Capitals. As GM George McPhee said, "It wasn't unexpected." ...

Sportswriter Frank Deford Is Taking Your Questions In The Comments Now
Frank Deford, of SI, Real Sports, NPR, The National, and many bestsellers, is in the comments now. He's written a new book called Over Time: My Life as a Sportswriter. It's funny and folksy and evocative of a different era in sportswriting. Read our excerpt for a taste, then buy the damn book....

David Stern Doesn't Really Give A Shit About Flopping
The short answer is, there's no short answer to flopping. It's nearly impossible to legislate intent, except in the most egregious of cases. Soccer has long failed to address even the glaring dives, and the NHL's embellishment penalties are often more controversial than the plays that don't get whis...

Here's The Joey Barton Meltdown From Today's Stunning Manchester City Comeback
Before we got to the dramatic finish, QPR's Joey Barton provided some initial fireworks after getting sent off for an "off-the-ball incident involving Carlos Tevez."...

Harvey Updyke, Alleged Tree Poisoner, Kicked Out Of Alabama Softball Game
Harvey Updyke, the man arrested for allegedly poisoning the sacred tree's at Auburn's Toomer's Corner, who may or may not still reside in his car in the woods, was kicked out of an SEC Softball tournament game by Alabama officials yesterday....

Josh Hamilton Is Hitting Baseballs Like Crazy
Josh Hamilton currently has 17 home runs. That is five better than his nearest competition, Matt Kemp and Carlos Beltran. Obviously Hamilton's had a pretty good week. After hitting four home runs in one game, Hamilton had two more last night against the Angels—adding another layer to the fun game T...

Bryce Harper Needed 10 Stitches After Hitting Himself In The Face With His Bat
The Nationals beat the Reds last night 7-3 so it was really only an afterthought that Bryce Harper beat himself 10-0. After grounding out to second in the seventh inning, "Harper whacked a wall down the tunnel from the Nationals dugout with his bat." The bat then Mike Emricked off the wall and hit ...

Dead Letters: Maurkice Pouncey Stole My Buddy's Trashcan (Plus: Lots And Lots Of Hate Mail!)
Subject: So, my bud is neighbors with Maurkice Pouncey and his trashcan went missing yesterday...

Chris "Birdman" Andersen Is The Victim Of An Extortion Attempt, His Lawyer Says
Yesterday's shocking news of a child porn investigation at the house of Nuggets center Chris "Birdman" Andersen has led to today's announcement by Andersen's lawyer that he may be an extortion victim....

Cockblocked By A Washing Machine!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Sacha Baron Cohen Doesn't Know You're Tired of Him
One of the surest signs you've become a successful comedian is that a lot of people absolutely can't stand your shtick. When you're starting out in standup or as a performer, you're desperate to get noticed, but you also have the time to hone your act and experiment and figure out your unique thing,...

Here Are The Best Entries In Our Drunk, Sulking Patrick Kane Photoshop Contest
This fine entry kicked off our Patrick Kane photoshop contest, but somehow we knew our wise readers had more in store. And you did not disappoint. I've picked the best ones here—with special commendation for our winner at the end—because we can cram only so many images into a gallery, but keep in mi...

Everything You Need To Know About Sarah Phillips, Former ESPN Columnist And Social-Media Scammer
Last week, we published a long story about Sarah Phillips, the ESPN columnist who, among other things, used her connections to the Worldwide Leader to hijack a teenager's Facebook venture. The story developed quickly from there, getting progressively more complicated as more tipsters came forward wi...

What Josh Beckett Does On His Off Days Stays Between Josh Beckett And His Off Days
After apparently solving things a few weeks ago, the Red Sox have (thankfully) returned to aggressive catastrophe status. They're 2-8 in their last 10 games, including an 8-3 thrashing yesterday at the hands of the Cleveland Indians. Josh Beckett gave up seven runs in a little more than two innings,...

Mike Rizzo Is Done Talking About Cole Hamels, Unless You Ask Him Again
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Standing by....