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ShortCenter: It's All Hands On Deck For Irsay Vs. Manning
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

The Celtics Won A "Bar Fight," Kevin Garnett Shouts Repeatedly In Crazy Postgame Interview
Your morning roundup for Jan. 27, the day V For Vendetta got all political. Video via The Basketball Jones. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

The Winter X Games Are Underway, Which Means Gnarly Snowmobile Crashes
Snowmobile Freestyle is perhaps the the most batshit insane of all professional sports in North America (snocross comes close) due simply to the ridiculous things competitors are able to tweak out of their 450-pound death machines. So here's 22-year-old Texan Colton Colten Moore failing spectacula...

Eli Manning And The NFL's Trouble With Goodness
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Here's Video And A Transcript Of Nike Chairman Phil Knight's Vehement Defense Of Joe Paterno
At today's public memorial for Joe Paterno, Nike's Phil Knight called Joe Paterno his "hero" and launched a counterattack against Penn State for the manner in which the university fired its head football coach. Here's the video (from BTN) and the broadcast transcript (unedited) from Knight's eulo...

A Treasure Trove Of Bat-Killing Stories For Your Super Bowl Bye Week
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

FBI Docs: The Story Of The 6-Foot-8 Redneck Ex-Con Who Terrorized George Steinbrenner With Jet Skis
Ah, Tampa. The balmy breeze. The sandy white beaches of acceptable granularity. The lingering fury of the most dyspeptic owner in baseball history. I speak, of course, of George Steinbrenner. Welcome back for another edition of "The Boss Files," our document-driven retrospective of Steinbrenner's li...

Some Guy From Queens Apparently Got Eli And Peyton Manning Tattooed On His Hairy Ass
Writes tipster Derek B., "My buddy got this tattoo Eli giving Peyton a noogie today. He's a huge Giants fan."...

This Is One Of Few Quotes That Improves A Story About A Man Who Stole 10,000 Pairs Of Panties
"He smelled them all the time even while driving," said police Major General Saroj Promcharoen. [Daily Telegraph] (H/T Fox5)...

This Is Encouraging, Wizards Fans: Andray Blatche Says Randy Wittman Is "The Same Coach As Flip"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the rudderless Wizards drift closer to the rocks....

The New England Patriots Are Not Out For Revenge
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

Parents: Don't Put Any Goddamn Candy In The Goodie Bag
I go to a lot of children's birthday parties. These parties are virtually identical. You go to a gym, you take off your kid's shoes, you hand your kid over to the 19-year-old girl making $6 an hour and wearing a bright red or blue shirt with the name of the gym on it (PLAY ZONE! GYMTASTIC! BALLS AND...

A Plea To Joe Posnanski: Stop Writing Mealy-Mouthed Nonsense About Joe Paterno
Sports Illustrated's Joe Posnanski is in a tough spot. He's a gifted writer and by all appearances a decent guy. His decency is his defining characteristic; he grew up rooting for doomed Cleveland teams and covered the worthless Kansas City Royals, but he never gave in to the urge to be a hatchet ma...

A Chronicle Of Doing It: Nike And Destruction
Republished with permission from The Classical....

A Slapshot To The Ear Can Do Some Serious Damage (NSFW)
On Saturday, during an off-day practice in Pittsburgh, Alex Ovechkin took a shot on net. It went high, caromed around off the glass, and struck Matt Hendricks directly in the ear. Above is the "after" picture. The graphic photo below shows the damage: an inch-long gash in the cartilage....

It Sounds Like The Bruins Are Ready To Say Goodbye To Tim Thomas, Free Citizen
When Tim Thomas declined to accompany the Bruins to the White House, he was quick to assure everyone that "this was not about politics." Well, guess what Tim, now it's about something even more important: hockey. ...

This Vancouver Canucks Fan Is Proud To Be Dating An Edmonton Fan
Your morning roundup for Jan. 25, the day we learned oral sex may or may not kill you. Photo via Puck Daddy. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Whatever You're Doing With Your Life, It's Not As Awesome As The Athletes In This Recruiting Video
I don't care where you matriculated, what you studied, or what honors you graduated with. If you didn't go to Benedictine University, your degree is now useless. ...

Pennsylvania's Governor Is Officially Sad Joe Paterno Is Dead, After He Officially Helped Fire Him
Gov. Tom Corbett declared yesterday that all flags on state facilities be at half-staff until Joe Paterno is buried. It's a decision that's generating plenty of opinions pro and con, given Paterno's complex legacy in relation to his towering stature in Pennsylvania. But it's curious that Corbett sa...

The Mystery Team Wins: Prince Fielder Signs With The Tigers
Just five days ago, GM Dave Dombrowski said Prince Fielder was "probably not a good fit" in Detroit. That was after C/DH Victor Martinez went down for the year, but with 1B/3B/DH Miguel Cabrera still under contract through 2015. That's a logjam of immovable objects, though the Tigers have indicated ...