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Today In Insane Sentences: Rex Ryan Tells Stephen A. Smith That Peyton Manning Won't Replace Mark Sanchez
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Coach stays positive on the Sanchize....
A Plea For TV Networks To Show People Running Onto The Field
Big thank you to Drew for letting me guest this Funbag. Normally my day is filled with exploiting my elderly father for money (see: Shit My Dad Says), so it was a welcome diversion. I also used to write for the TV show of the same name, until America was like, "GOD FUCKING STOP THIS SHIT TAKE IT OFF...
30 Paragraphs About 30 Teams From The Basketball Prospectus Guide To The Truncated NBA Season
The following is an abridged preview of an abridged NBA season, culled from the team chapters of the ever-incisive Pro Basketball Prospectus. Buy the book as a PDF for $9.98. ...
Drew Brees's Birthmark Must Be Contagious, Sean Payton Now Looks Symptomatic
Your morning roundup for Dec. 27, the day we learned Christmas lights have a final resting place. Photo via Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....
Ricky Rubio <em>Está Aquí</em>
The Timberwolves' Ricky Rubio had six assists in the 26 minutes of his NBA debut. Here's each of them in all their Catalonian glory....
ESPN's <em>Monday Night Football</em> Intro Featured Betty White Talking About How Hot Matt Ryan Is
ESPN's been slowing scraping the bottom of the barrel since jettisoning Hank Williams, Jr., and this holiday-themed Betty White intro was less funny than weird. What, the usual New Orleans staples of zydeco and Cafe Du Monde weren't available? ...
Bryce Harper Named His New Puppy "Swag"
Did you know Nationals wundertool Bryce Harper protects his Tweets? Luckily, Nats Enquirer is here to relay to us that Harper received an adorable chocolate Lab for Christmas, and promptly named it Swag. They're totally off to the park to pick up chicks. [Nats Enquirer]...
Yorvit Torrealba Receives 66-Game Suspension For Slugging A Venezuelan League Umpire
The Rangers catcher's physically expressed frustration at a prior strike call earned him 66 games in Venezuelan winter ball, which is the rest of this season and all of next. We wonder how broken up he is about it, considering his son was kidnapped in his home country a few years back, and the wor...
We've Identified Jilted Packergirl
Thanks to a tipster whose identity we'll keep secret for his/her own sake, we know the young lady featured in this morning's Wake Up Deadspin is named Annie Wagner (we also heard the cheating ex-boyfriend is a real "douchewibbler"). Here's Annie's Facebook....
LeBron James Spent His Offseason Dunking On Small Children: A Video Compilation
The end of the NBA lockout meant one thing (aside from a massive upward redistribution of wealth from the players to the owners): no more videos of LeBron James dunking on kids. But, to celebrate his return this afternoon, let's enjoy them one last time....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the Sun Sentinel has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. ...
TNT's "NBA Forever" Season-Opening Video Is Spectacular
Most attempts at the Forrest Gump-style "modern people placed into old video" are hokey or at the very least poorly-executed, but TNT splashed the rainbow with this video that preceded the opening-day Celtics-Knicks broadcast. ...
This Is Your Last Chance To Vote For The 2011 Deadspin Hall Of Fame
Polls close at 11:59 p.m. (EST) tonight. Here is your roster of nominees:...
NBA Christmastime Is Here: Your Celtics-Knicks, Heat-Mavericks, and Bulls-Lakers Open Thread
Merry Christmas! (Or happy almost-sixth-night of Hanukkah. Whatever works.) You probably didn't notice, but there was a professional sporting league that was supposed to start earlier than it wound up starting. It's starting right about now. Join me to talk about these genuinely scintillating games,...
Christmas Morning Brings Us The Gifts Of Tebow
Happy Christmas from Deadspin. Here's hoping Santa was as generous to you as Tim Tebow was to the Buffalo Bills defense....
Now Dasher, Now Dancer, Now Prancer and Vick's In: Your Christmas Eve NFL Late Games Open Thread
Stop playing with all those fun ties and sweaters and watch some football! Chat down below. Photo via The 700 Level. ...
Jerome Simpson Stuck The Landing In Your NFL Highlight Of The Season
From takeoff to landing, this is one of the most remarkable touchdowns you'll see scored in any season of the National Football League. Jerome Simpson's leap calls for a superlative version of "elevate," but sticking the landing makes this the clip you'll be seeing for decades. [FOX] ...
Victor Cruz Continued His Remarkable Season With This 99-Yard Touchdown Catch
Know who this guy is yet, Darrelle Revis? [FOX]...
The Kickline Is Up And It's Good: Your NFL Early Games Open Thread
Week 16 here we come. What a gift: meaningful games, playoff implications for the lucky and draft day implications for the depressed. Let's get to it. ...
What The Hell Was Up With Linda Cohn Last Night?
We're generally fans of Linda Cohn, but last night's 11pm SportsCenter was bizarre. It started with a cold open featuring Cohn lamenting the onset of some kind of holiday-related depression, then continued to the above segment in which she seems genuinely surprised to be interviewing the New York ...