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Bartolo Colon-O-Meter: The Annihilation Of The Self Into A Greater Cosmos
Veteran pitcher Bartolo Colon resumed his philosophical explorations yesterday afternoon, facing the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Angels! Emissaries of the divine! But Colon met the Halos with yet another stolid performance: 6.0 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 3 K. One more no-decision, in one more eventual Yankees...

Cockblocked By Your Own Underwear!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Get To Know A Comic You Probably Don't Know: Sean Patton
Who? Sean Patton is a comic originally from New Orleans, arriving as part of group from New Orleans along with Mark Normand and Neal Statsny. Sean works in a free association style. The audience never knows where the punchline is coming and in that way his jokes feel almost like magic tricks....

Science! Picks Your BCS Champion
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: The Predictalator is back, determining the participants and outcomes of every Bowl game....

Making And Remaking History In Olympics-Addled Beijing
Adapted from Tom Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future, available at your favorite bookseller....

Dead Comedian Of The Week: Vaughn Meader, Assassination Victim
For Comedy Week, we're running a handful of tributes in the vein of our Dead Wrestler of the Week series. Here, Alexander Woo, a writer and co-executive producer for HBO's True Blood, eulogizes Vaughn Meader, the wildly popular JFK impersonator whose star plummeted after the assassination of his sub...

Okay Easton PR Guy, You Win
Perhaps you've seen "Ultimate Batting Practice" around this week; it's a full fledged viral video now. You'll recognize it by the egregious sodomy of physics, and the prominently-displayed dual Easton logos. It's a "dude" making magic with four pitchback rebounders, and that's all the info that come...

<em>Jersey Shore</em> Finally Finds Its Voice: Joe Buck
Your morning roundup for Aug. 11, the day it wasn't a good idea to let a six-year-old drive the car. Photo via @danpbell. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Bryan Stow's Family: He's Showing The "Most Response" He's Shown Since The Attack
On the day that the two men charged with savagely attacking Bryan Stow outside Dodger Stadium in April pleaded not guilty — and officials announced the woman who drove them away from the scene won't be charged — Stow's family posted an uplifting update on their website. Here's part of it:...

Get To Know A Comic You Probably Don't Know: David Walton
Who? The entertainment industry makes no sense. It is capricious mix of talent, looks and most importantly, luck. Here is an example. There were two excellent comic actors in my college senior class. Both were charismatic, hard-working and good-looking dudes. They arranged a performance of Mamet's G...

Deadspin Spends A Week With Norm Macdonald And His <em>Sports Show</em>: A Point-Counterpoint
Last November, two Deadspinners went to L.A. to work on the pilot for the now-canceled Sports Show with Norm Macdonald. They had very different experiences....

I Never Want To Work On A Goddamn TV Show Again: A Week In LA With Norm Macdonald
Last November, Drew Magary and I traveled to Los Angeles to spend a week working on the pilot for what would become the now-canceled Sports Show With Norm Macdonald. You've read his highlights. Now here are mine....

Total QB Rating: Everything Great About ESPN Multiplied By Everything Insufferable
It's been fascinating to watch ESPN roll out its new, proprietary Total Quarterback Rating over the past few days, and not just because we got to see Tirico, Gruden, and Jaws huffing and grunting and puzzling over the thing as if it were the first stone tool. ("This new measure of stats," Tirico cal...

Showbiz Crack Whores: A Week In LA With Norm Macdonald
Last November, A.J. Daulerio and I traveled to Los Angeles to spend a week working on the pilot for what would become the now-canceled Sports Show with Norm MacDonald. Here now are some quick highlights from that trip....

Noted Chubby Quarterback Makes Widely Derided Prediction
Rex Grossman is the No.1 quarterback on the Redskins' depth chart. I know that means close to absolute zero in the long term, but c'mon: read that first sentence again....

David Ortiz Got His Fucking RBI After All
Remember when David Ortiz barged into Terry Francona's press conference and demanded an RBI that had been stricken from the record books? Well, he's gotten it back, Scoggins be damned:...

Wanted: Boston-Area Roommate For High-Strung Veteran Wide Receiver Who Tweets A Lot
Chad Ochocinco, most recently in love with his quarterback: young, fetching Thomas Brady, needs a roommate in Boston. He wants a big Patriots fan, perhaps a real-life Tommy from Quinzee:...

This Evening: From Russia With Love Dolls
Your p.m. roundup for Aug. 9, the day we were priced out of the market for an aluminum bat. Photo via EnglishRussia.com. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Envisioning The Death Of The NBA
I have a lingering personal defect, which is that I always, without fail, overestimate the power of both staplers and hole punchers. If I have a stack of 50 pages that I need stapled and I see a tinyass Swingline stapler and I'm like, "NO PROBLEMO." Then I go to staple the pages together and the sta...