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Florida State Punished For Cheating Scandal (But Not Really)
I know phrases like "four-year probation" and "vacated wins" sounds really bad for Florida State, but the truth is that their punishment is a weak response that doesn't fit the crime....
Celtics To Cavs: "Shut Up ... LOL!"
Boston beats Cleveland to move into a virtual first-place tie and give the internet yet another excuse to rethink that "let's have an open dialogue" thing. [Yahoo]...
Tony Mandarich Fesses Up; Invented First Whizzinator
Former beefy lineman Tony Mandarich has recently admitted to the world that, yes, the incredibleness of his bulk was actually acquired not just by G'N'R and caffeine, but steroids....
T.O. Not Headed To Tennessee
Fine. KOGOD's source might have misinterpreted the Nashville sighting. But tell me this, oh mighty chroniclers of facts — can you do a gay chimpanzee pretzel dance? Nope. [NBC Sports Blogs]...
Tommy Lasorda: Clinically Delusional At Any Altitude
For those who think that Tommy Lasorda should pack up his follow-the-flag, I-love-the-good-ole-USA act and ship off to a nice assisted living community, here's more evidence to have him sent away....
Getting To Home Plate With Alyssa Milano ... Discuss
It's time for Waxing Off, the Deadspin feature recommended by four out of five dentists who chew gum. This week: Alyssa Milano and her soon-to-be-released book, Safe at Home....
The One Where The Vikings Let Us Know Their Players Did Not Bone Underage Girls
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another. (NSFW)...
Good Things About Houston: Geoff Geary (And His Fiancée) Probably Won't Get Assaulted
Geoff Geary was (briefly) a serviceable bullpen arm for the Phillies, but the poor guy's confidence just went to shit. Luckily, The Fightins traded him for Brad Lidge and the rest is World Fucking History....
Scott Olsen: The Nationals' Front-Line Smoker
Interesting story from Wednesday's Washington Post about hot-headed pitcher Scott Olsen, who the Nats acquired from the Marlins over the winter. It turns out Olsen's a pretty committed smoker. 12 cigarettes a day, actually....
The New York Rangers Welcome Back Sean Avery After Lobotomy
"It felt good to be playing for this team again and getting the win. That's what I came here to do." [AP]...
Dust Off Your Old Varsity Jacket And Put On Your Listening Helmets
Yes, it's the monthly Varsity Letters reading series again. This month's theme: Plato's Ethics and Epistemology.Nooooo. It's actually a fun line up of readers with college hoops cred. Go watch. [Gelf Magazine]...
Jim Edmonds Would Like To Invite You To His Stripper Battle Royal
Here's something fun for Midwesterners looking for a bazoonga-infested activity on a lonely Friday night in St. Louis: It's a "Queen Of The Pole" party, with your very special guest, former Cardinal Jim Edmonds....
He Can Have Fun Without A Jack Daniels Bottle
One lucky Des Moines middle school student had her wish granted — for Bears' ragamuffin quarterback Kyle Orton to come have morning breakfast with her. [Des Moines Register]...
Young Steve Downie's Crazy Head
So here's a story that will interest only a handful of hockey geeks out there, but I'm going to talk about it anyway. It's about consummate shit-stirrer Steve Downie....
Do Not Mess With This Man
Ed Leong, 86, fights San Francisco City Hall over badminton court use fees, wins. Fear the shuttlecock. [Wall Street Journal]...
Mike Piazza's Bacne Was Legendary And Suspicious
Mike Piazza's volcanic back acne has been discussed on this site before and now, cranky old writer Murray Chass is enlightening us with his own (deleted) tales of Piazza's zit-covered past....
God Lights The Way For Kurt Warner, Demands 15 Percent
Kurt Warner officially announced his new deal with the Cardinals on Wednesday, saying that it was God who told him to eschew the 49ers and return to Arizona....
Dead Boater Jokes Are Not A Big Hit In Detroit
I know the story of three football players drowning in the Gulf of Mexico seems like a comedic goldmine, but as Detroit radio host Mike Valenti learned, there is such a thing as too soon....
The Florida Gators Will Bury You
The University of Florida is trying to get special permission from the state to turn their campus into a cemetery, so that they can accommodate all the lunatic alumni who want to be buried there....
Sad Tale Of Missing Boaters Only Gets Sadder
The Coast Guard suspended its search for Corey Smith, Marquis Cooper and Will Bleakley last night and now begins the mourning, the healing and all the "what went wrong?" wondering....