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1st Round, Eighth Overall: Ravens Jaguars Select Derrick Harvey
We used to call guys like Harvey "tweeners." Now they're called "hybrids." Scouting gibberish has gone green...
1st Round, Fifth Overall: Chiefs Select Glenn Dorsey
The big question in March was whether Dorsey had super-secret-surgery on his balky knees. How secret surgery even possible? I can't get a hemorrhoid removed without six referrals and a signed affidavit from the president of my insurance company. But somehow one of the top NFL prospects can sneak in...
Red Sox Wine List Thankfully Missing "Sweet Carowine"
The Red Sox, hawking wine for charity and sheer annoyance. [Sox & Dawgs]...
Teddy Wins His First Presidents Race!
Only to get disqualified by Screech, the world's most useless mascot, for cutting a corner of the warning track. He was just following Cartman's advice! That's okay, because I found Frank Robinson sitting with me in the bleeds down the right field line. As for the game, the Nats jumped to a lead wi...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after surviving the Great Jell-o Snack Pack Disaster of 2008 ... • Boxing: Middleweights, Andrey Tsurkan vs. Jesse Feliciano, at New York (9:30 p.m., ET). The return of El Rayo! [ESPN2] • NBA playoffs: Eastern Conference first round, Game 3, Detroit Pistons at Philadelphia 76ers (7 p.m...
NBA Playoffs: A Friday Night Viewer's Guide
It's Friday. Take a break from thinking for yourself and let me tell you what to pay attention to during tonight's games....
So, Will Anybody Draft Troubled Tommy Blake?
One of the best stories featured on ESPN's Schaaptastic E:60 show was Michael Smith's profile of troubled Texas Christian University defensive lineman Tommy Blake. Blake, who at one point in his college career was on the fast-track to the NFL, derailed early his senior year. He was a no-show for man...
Tom Brady Is Out Of The Closet And Bent On Murder
Anyone watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit? Apparently Tuesday's episode involved a thinly disguised version of Tom Brady, who was a gay quarterback implicated in a murder. Sample dialogue: "Lincoln Haver is gay? I thought he was dating Natasha Gorski, that hot supermodel." "You can't blame Linc...
Finally, A Pro Baseball Team With Glow-In-The-Dark Caps
How many times have you asked yourself, 'Why can't I see my favorite baseball cap logo when the lights are out?' (If you're like me, plenty). Well, if your favorite team is the Casper Ghosts of the Pioneer Rookie League, then you don't have that problem. This season the Ghosts (formerly the Casper R...
Minor League Goalie Peppered With Pucks, Surrenders
Announcement: Michael Leighton is not in the mood to take out the freaking trash tonight — or for any other goddamned requests — after making 98 saves in an American Hockey League game ... and losing. Shit! Leighton and the Albany River Rats lost in the longest game in AHL history on Thursday, when ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch due to the fact that the Wesley Snipes trial isn't televised ... • MLB: New York Yankees at Chicago White Sox (8 p.m., ET). Get your seats early for the Phil Hughes Experience. [WGN] • NBA: Eastern Conference quarterfinals, Game 3, Cleveland at Washington (8 p.m., ET); Western Conferen...
NBA Playoffs: A Thursday Night Viewer's Guide
There are still many unanswered questions about the world in which we live, but science has proven two things: Hot chicks rule (see above) and it becomes increasingly difficult to think the closer we get to the weekend. So I'm here to let you know what you should look out for in tonight's NBA playof...
Jay Glazer Owns The NFL
There's this thing about Jay Glazer that kind of makes you like him and annoyed by him at the same time. He seems like type of guy you'd hit the 50-cent wing and $8 pitcher special with at a bar for six hours, but then he'd get bored and drag you to a way-too fancy club just because "he knows people...
Tracy McGrady Is The Reason You Sometimes Feel Lonely
The Tracy McGrady death watch will continue tonight in Salt Lake City, where authorities are planning a raid on the McGrady compound after reports of multiple episodes of martyrdom. It's all getting ugly for Tracy....
If You Don't Like The NFL Draft, You Can Suck It: Your NFL Draft Jamboroo
Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo has been off since the end of the NFL season. But now, with Saturday's NFL draft looming, it returns, for one week only....
Don't Make Them Angry. You Wouldn't Like Them When They're Angry
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who can't wait for the new Hulk movie and thinks Edward Nortan is the perfect heir to Bill Bixby. When he's not watching NBA officials river dance, he can be found admiring Roger Mason's superhuman strength at Basketbawful. Enjoy! They're finally awake now....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as the monkeys pull off a daring escape ... • Boxing: Light welterweights, Juan Urango vs. Carlos Wilfredo Vilches, at Hollywood, Fla. (9 p.m., ET). Hey, the cup goes on the inside, Juan. [ESPN2] • MLB: New York Yankees at Chicago White Sox (8 p.m., ET). On the South Side of Chicago, t...
Three Presumed Mismatches In NBA Playoffs Tonight
If the 76ers hadn't pulled off that Game 1 upset in Auburn Hills, tonight's NBA Playoff games would have the feel of a night off. The Celtics were terrifying against the Hawks in Game One and seem unlikely to remain so. The Lakers appears well on their way to continuing Allen Iverson's enobling fail...
It's Raining In Dallas...Pacman's A Cowboy
Ed Werder just called from the ESPN Mort phone into Sports Center and said that the Cowboys have worked out a deal to bring Adam "Pacman" Jones to Big D. The Titans have agreed "in principle" to a trade, so we're assuming that means that the components of the deal have yet to be finalized....
Olympic Torch Relay Update: We're Runnin' In Circles Here!
OK, we have a new leader for the lamest Olympic Torch Relay idea yet: In Jakarta, Indonesia on Tuesday, torch runners did laps inside of a closed stadium in order to avoid protests. Yes, in this genius move, all the Indonesian torch runners took turns running in circles, as a crowd that was hand-pi...