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NBA Playoffs: A Tuesday Night Viewer's Guide
Basketbawful is here to ease you into a nice, warm, Tuesday night bubble bath of NBA action. Forget Calgon. Let me take you away and guide your viewership of tonight's playoff action....
Lou Piniella's Balls Are Not Taking Questions Tonight
Being a sports reporter is, at times, an absolutely horrible job. Sure you get to watch games, travel and interact with athletes, but there is a horrendous downside. (Which is pretty much everything else.) And this is never more disturbingly clear than when a reporter has their first (or 50th) awful...
How To Get Free Seats Close Enough To Touch LeBron (But Please Don't)
In 2006, Milwaukee's Drew Cieszynski attended a game in every major league baseball park. OK, even though it's pretty cool, it's also been done. But who has achieved the rare MLB-NBA road trip combo? This year, Cieszynski caught a game at every NBA arena, somehow managing to keep a full time job in ...
Ronaldo Plays The Crying Game
In soccer there is only one thing more humiliating than an own goal; it's when you pick up three prostitutes and later discover that they're all transvestites. (I can see you nodding in agreement). Poor Ronaldo. Not only did he receive "the Brazilian Surprise," but then when he tried to bribe the fa...
Tony Romo Gambles Like He's Still In Charleston, Ill.
Want to know the perils of being a "superstar" Dallas Cowboys quarterback who tends to have some trouble getting his team out of the first round of playoffs? If you start dating a featherbrained "pop star," you might end up in Robin Leach's blog — Robin Leach's blog! — with stories about losing $2.5...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Breaking: Pirates Bobblehead May Be Giving Us The Finger
The Pirates and Mets were rained out on Monday, giving Pittsburgh fans a little extra time to pull their Tom Gorzelanny bobblehead dolls out of their boxes and examine them closely for the first time. Fans received the bobble on Saturday as the Pirates took on the Phillies at PNC Park. Examining the...
Time To Panic, Celtics Fans
You know, "panic" probably isn't the right word to use in the headline right there. Panic implies a comprehension of what's happening to you, anticipation of what horrors might be coming. That's not what's happening in the Celtics-Hawks series right now. Everyone — on both teams — seems so shocked ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while getting ready for hybrid NASCAR cars ... • Arena football: Dallas at Philadelphia (8 p.m., ET). Jon Bon Jovi wants that trophy, dammit. [ESPN2] • MLB: New York Yankees at Cleveland (7 p.m., ET). All Winford Lauder employees admitted free tonight. [ESPN] • NBA: Eastern Conference ...
NBA Playoffs: A Monday Night Viewer's Guide
Got a case of the Mondays? Don't worry. Toronto versus Orlando: Game 5...
Ability To Embed Images In Comments Portends Apocalypse
To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, we've commissioned Commenting Guru Rob Iracane, co-editor of Walk Off Walk, to write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week....
Pat Jordan Doesn't Mess Around
Many Deadspin readers were probably introduced to Pat Jordan's work thanks to his Jose Canseco piece that was published here. If you looked a little closer at some of the other stories he'd penned in the past, you may have realized you'd read one of his stories before. Some of Jordan's best work is ...
So Let Me Introduce To You, The One And Only Jimmy Shields ...
There's no way to sugarcoat this so I'm just going to say it: We live in a world where the Rays and the Marlins are both in first place. It's a world where James Shields outpitches Josh Beckett, where Sweet Caroline is played at Tropicana Field, and where Manny Ramirez is stealing bases. Me no like ...
Roger Clemens, 15-Year-Old Country Singers, OxyContin, Stolen Trucks And You
You might have thought Roger Clemens would have done just about everything he could possibly do to destroy his reputation over the last few months. Showing up in the Mitchell Reporter, crashing and burning in his last start as a Yankee, looking like a fool in front of Congress. What could be worse t...
Momma Werth Just Don't Know
The Slanch Report caught Orestes Destrade getting a little distracted during the replay of the Phillies-Brewers contest on Thursday's Baseball Tonight. The objet du distraction: Jayson Werth's mother,....
Bron-Shawn Basketball Beef Gets Hip-Hop Glaze
With Game 4 of the Wizards-Cavs series about to tip off in the Verizon Center comes the news via The Washington Post's (Boooooooo!) Wizards Insider blog that the overcooked rivalry between LeBron James and DeShawn Stevenson has extended into the hip-hop arena. It all started with Queen James waving ...
About Last Night...
What you missed while buying Pierre the penguin a new sports car......
Message To This Kid's Future Defense Attorney: Blame Name or Haircut
This unfortunate youngster, other than being forced by parental duress to sport the bowl cut, was born unto a couple of deranged Spurs fans. How unhinged, exactly? Instead of buying a team photo or something to encapsulate their love for the team, they decided to put the whole roster into their kid'...
1st Round, Nineteenth Overall: Panthers Select Jeff Otah
Let's measure the Otah draft buzz throughout his career in decibels (dB): 1) Leaves JUCO as a lanky ex-basketball player; wins starting job at Pitt (10 dB; rustling leaves) 2) Stones Chris Long repeatedly in Virginia-Pitt game (70 dB; Space Shuttle launch in your kitchen) 3) Suffers minor injury in...
1st Round, Fourteenth Overall: Bears Select Chris Williams
There are worse things to watch than the Bears offense. For example, there's: 1) Put up Your Dukes 2) Your maiden aunt shaving her legs, etc. 3) Fake-reality YouTube videos of a teenage emo-girl whispering her breathy secrets ("my parents hate me") into a webcam 2.3 millimeters away from her chin....