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A Modest Proposal For The World Series Baseballs
With the World Series upon us, and the magic of the Houston Colt .45s vs. the Montreal Expos preparing to unfold before our satanically red-rimmed eyes, we can sit back, forget the rest of the world its slowly advancing state of entropy and decay and ask ourselves the most existential of questions:...
Report: Astros Assistant GM Yelled "Thank God We Got Osuna" At Female Reporters After ALCS Win
During the Houston Astros’ clubhouse ALCS victory celebration Saturday night, Astros assistant general manager for player evaluation Brandon Taubman taunted three female reporters about the organization’s trade for closer Roberto Osuna, who was suspended for 75 games last season for violating Major ...
Mike Leach, Convinced Of His Own Cleverness, Tells Unbearably Long Joke About Lip Reading
Asked Monday evening whether he’s nervous for next week’s matchup against No. 11 Oregon, where four of his former assistants now work, Mike Leach used the opportunity to take a swipe at football coaches so paranoid about their plays being found out that they cover their mouths while talking on the s...
FA Cup Match To Be Replayed After Team Walked Off The Field Due To Racist Abuse
It’s been a banner fortnight for racism in English soccer. After the debacle in Sofia, wherein the England national team was racially abused by Bulgarian fans, the racism came home in an FA Cup match this weekend....
These Photos From A Muddy 49ers-Skins Game Are So Good
San Francisco’s win in Washington may not have been good football, but it was beautiful in its way.At a rainy, sloppy Landover, the Niners slip-slid their way to a 9-0 win that was a wholesomely good time—for the winners, anyway. “It takes you back to being a kid: You’re out there, you’re sloshing a...
Get Ready For The New Olympic Sport That's Basically Spider-Man Speedrunning
Several sports will debut at next summer’s Tokyo Olympics, with the uniting theme of making the Games gnarlier. Skateboarding and surfing are the obvious headliners, but you should be aware of another extra-cool sport that’ll make its first appearance: speed climbing....
The First Round Of MLS Playoffs Was Beautiful Chaos
Every single game of MLS’s opening weekend of playoffs was a glorious mess. There were six matchups in the first round, and five of the six ended in one-goal wins; the one exception finished 5–1, but only after one team scored four goals in an extra time that the other team had forced with a stoppag...
Andy Dalton Finds New, Miserable Low With Three Picks In Five Plays
The piece of shit Bengals got pantsed at home today by Gardner Minshew and the Jaguars, coughing up a narrow, early fourth-quarter lead and allowing Jacksonville to coast to a double-digit win. They are now 0-7. Nobody went to the game. Joe Mixon had 10 rushes for two yards, and non-QB rushers combi...
Will Muschamp Went Ballistic On "Gutless" Officials After Crucial Missed Penalty
South Carolina dropped a tough one against Florida yesterday, giving up three touchdowns to the Gators in the fourth quarter to lose 38-27. Their bid for a second straight top-ten upset unraveled in frustrating fashion, as officials seemed to miss clear penalties on two of the biggest plays of the g...
Old Man Wayne Rooney's MLS Tenure Ended With A Spectacular Postseason Meltdown
It was no surprise that Old Man Wayne Rooney was involved in his team’s last-gasp equalizer, as saving DC United has been a bit of a theme for him throughout his MLS career. Deep into injury time, the ex-Manchester United star whipped a cross from a corner to teammate Frédéric Brillant, who flicked ...
The Astros' Defense Grew More Impressive By The Inning
Before Jose Altuve’s heroic swing sent the Astros to the World Series, left fielder Michael Brantley was thought to be the one who all but guaranteed the pennant for Houston. In the top of the seventh, the 32-year-old veteran made a ridiculous diving catch to stop an Aaron Hicks popup from plopping ...
Jose Altuve Sends Astros To World Series With Walk-Off Bomb Against Aroldis Chapman
The final inning of the ALCS was a dramatic one, as the Astros booked their tickets to the World Series with an emphatic walk-off dinger. After spotting Houston a three-run lead in the first inning and trailing for the entire game, the Yankees finally drew even in the top of the ninth when D.J. LeMa...
Washington Dealt Unsportsmanlike Conduct Penalty For Attempted Camouflage
No. 25 Washington tried something a little bit too cool at home against No. 12 Oregon Saturday afternoon. On a kickoff return after Oregon scored, Washington stashed purple-clad wide receiver Chico McClatcher in the end zone, where he laid down on the field in an attempt to blend in with the purple ...
Here's Another Reason To Hate Baseball's De-Juiced Baseballs
The defining image of the Yankees’ Game 5 win over the Astros on Friday happened with two outs in the top of the sixth inning. Having just struck out Yordan Álvarez after walking Carlos Correa, Aaron Boone slowly came out of the dugout to have a talk with his starter. While it’s not clear what the e...
Buddy Hield Openly Roasts The City Of Sacramento While Negotiating A New Deal With The Kings
The Sacramento Kings, who have been very bad for a while, were pleasantly, surprisingly not as bad last season, in part because of Buddy Hield’s breakout performance. The guard led the team in scoring last season and will likely do so again this season, but he’s recently made some noise about how th...
Giancarlo Stanton And His Bum Quad Will Try To Save The Yankees
This postseason, the New York Yankees are 4-0 when Giancarlo Stanton gets into the game, and 0-3 when he does not. The lack of Stanton’s bat in the lineup isn’t the only reason the Yankees are down 3-1 to the Astros in the ALCS, but it’d certainly help to have him at DH instead of Edwin Encarnacion....
Architect Of Baffling Broncos Fake Punt Also Responsible For Historically Bad Colts Trick Play
Reasonable people can debate the Broncos’ decision to run a fake punt early in the second quarter of Thursday’s poopshow loss to the Chiefs. The actual play itself, however, and/or the execution of said play, was something truly special....
Chicago's Strike Is For The Children
CHICAGO, Ill. — By Monday, you could tell it was coming. It had been building for months, of course, but by 2:00 Monday afternoon, at the big rally downtown at the Chicago Temple, you could see that the momentum had grown into a force that was ready to explode, like a race horse inside a starting ga...
Adam Silver Says The Chinese Government Asked Him To Fire Daryl Morey
Adam Silver appeared at a Time magazine event this morning in New York City, where he spoke on the roiling controversy his organization has been in since Houston Rockets GM Daryl Morey expressed a modicum of support for the Hong Kong protests. It was Silver’s first interview on the subject since ret...
The Washington Nationals Are The Team Of Destiny, Until They're Not
For the entirety of their brief existence in the nation’s capital, the Washington Nationals have been too insignificant or too lousy or too unlucky or too self-defeating to hate. This is not to say that I haven’t figured out various ways to do it over the years, but also I am not without some intere...