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The 2019 NFL Coaches' Class Photo Features Matching Grudens And A Smiling Bill Belichick
Twenty-six head coaches showed up for the class photo at this week’s NFL meetings in Phoenix. Look at all those bright, squinting faces! (Here’s the hi-res version.) This year’s absences: Bruce Arians, Pete Carroll, Sean Payton, Mike Tomlin, Adam Gase, and Sean McVay, who said he didn’t mean to miss...

Lonzo Ball Shifts Loyalties From Big Baller Brand To A Hideous Pair Of Non-Euclidean Dice
Big Baller Brand, the nascent apparel company owned and operated by Lonzo and LaVar Ball, started to come apart in earnest absolutely no later than last week, when it was reported by Ramona Shelburne and Paula Lavigne of ESPN that Alan Foster, a partner in the venture, had been ousted for allegedly ...

Lance Stephenson Turned Jeff Green Into A Tumbling Tumbleweed
NBA floors must be getting extremely slippery as the regular season winds down. First Chris Paul chased D.J. Wilson off the court with a step-back move in Houston’s loss to Milwaukee earlier tonight, and here we have Lance Stephenson sending Jeff Green flailing to hell with a fierce dribble sequenc...

Maybe D.J. Wilson Had Someplace He Needed To Be, Did You Ever Think Of That
It’s easy to watch this video of Chris Paul executing a sharp step-back crossover dribble, and Bucks defender D.J. Wilson careening off into the distance like God reached down and violently tilted the court under his feet, and assume that Wilson was somehow “owned.” That because Wilson’s wild, stumb...

Brandon Clarke's Numbers Shouldn't Be Possible
It’s something like an understatement to say that junior big man Brandon Clarke went off against Baylor during Gonzaga’s second-round 83-71 win on Saturday. He did go off, though, and was the single biggest reason the Zags cruised into the Sweet 16. Clarke blew away all other scorers with 36 points ...

Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about Scott Van Pelt, rich assholes in space, flipping the bird, and more....

My Kids Won’t Stop Gaslighting Me<em></em>
If you’ve been around these internet parts for the past few years, you know all about gaslighting, wherein people stand behind a lie so fervently that they compel others to believe it as well, leaving marks unsure as to what is true and what really is the name of Apple CEO Tim Apple....

Holy Shit, The Mets Actually Paid Jacob deGrom
For an offseason defined by a glacial market, collusion-adjacent bad vibes, and the inexplicable unemployment of a number of useful big league free agents with opening day now in sight, the last week or so has been very busy. Instead of entering what is clearly a badly malfunctioning free agent mark...

Presenting The 2019 Name Of The Year Bracket
Last August, the NCAA unveiled the NET ranking, a comprehensive synthesis of numbers designed to supplant the much-derided RPI as the definitive metric for comparing the resumes of college basketball teams. Despite some early statistical noise, the NET’s wealth of data ultimately produced a bracket ...

The President Couldn't Help Being Weird At The Capitals' White House Visit
On Monday—a curiously long time after winning the Stanley Cup, given that the team in question didn’t need to wait for a road trip to Washington—the Capitals visited the White House. More notable was who didn’t make the trip....

The Celtics Are A Stinky Mess Again, Again
So it was not a great weekend for the Boston Celtics, once upon a time and now not at all the presumptive class of the Eastern Conference. In fact it was a very bad one!...

UC Irvine Coach Says He Called Oregon's Louis King "Queen" To Rattle Him But Also Because Of Chess?
UC Irvine head coach Russell Turner gave a peek behind his coaching strategy after the Anteaters’ 73-54 loss to Oregon in Sunday’s second-round game, and he inadvertently revealed that he’s as creative as a Facebook denizen who loves sports meme pages and calls the Dallas Cowboys the “Cowgirls.”...

Motorbike Racers Crash Into Each Other, Pull Over, Start Punching Each Other<em></em>
This unintentional piece of slapstick comes from last month’s Costa Rica National Motorbike Championships. Riders Jorge Martinez and Marion Calvo were jockeying for position during the race when Martinez lost control of his bike. Somehow, he ended up joining Calvo, who pulled over and was just as in...

Ah Jeez, The Video Of UCF's Locker Room After Losing To Duke Is Heartbreaking
UCF was so, so close to upsetting Duke in Sunday’s second-round game, but the Knights fell, 77-76, and were instantly, visibly crushed by how they lost. (As Aubrey Dawkins’s putback attempt rimmed out and time expired, you can see Terrell Allen, No. 2, put his hands on his head as he falls to the fl...

Watch These Raptors Fans Get Their Hearts Ripped Out By Jeremy Lamb’s Buzzer-Beater
Jeremy Lamb’s half-court buzzer-beater against the Raptors in Sunday’s 115-114 win was a thing of beauty. After losing the ball in the closing seconds, the Hornets guard had to toss up an off-balance shot from behind half-court, and it somehow went in, keeping Charlotte in the playoff race and creat...

Sabrina Ionescu Made Sure She Got Her 18th Triple-Double, Then Put ESPN On Blast
When you have more triple-doubles than any player in NCAA history, who can blame you for hunting for a garbage-time rebound? By her own admission, University of Oregon star Sabrina Ionescu deliberately missed a late three-pointer yesterday to collect her 10th rebound, completing the 18th triple-dou...

Hornets' Jeremy Lamb Stuns Toronto With Absolutely Ridiculous, Game-Winning Buzzer-Beater
March Madness has been lacking in sweet buzzer-beaters, but Charlotte Hornets guard Jeremy Lamb was willing to fill that void. He heaved this sloppy, desperate rainbow shot from behind half-court and banked it in for tonight’s 115-114 win over the Raptors....

UCF Could Not Have Come Any Closer To Upsetting Duke
The UCF Knights gave the Duke Blue Devils way more of a fight than anyone dared hope they could, but ultimately they came just short of what would have been a bonkers second-round upset. Riding a 32-point performance from Zion Williamson, Duke escaped to the Sweet 16 with a 77-76 win....

Coby White Makes North Carolina's Offense Beautiful
There may be no better match of team style and player than 2019's North Carolina squad and freshman point guard Coby White. The normally pretty fast Tar Heels made the jump into warp speed this season, averaging more possessions per game than any other tournament team, and both superficially and pr...

Asia Durr Did It All For Louisville
Top-seeded Louisville beat Michigan without a whole lot of stress, winning 71-50 in their second-round matchup with the Wolverines to go to their third Sweet 16 in a row. The Cardinals got to relax in large part thanks to the stellar play of high-scoring senior guard Asia Durr, who as usual had an ...