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Nothing Matters But Now
It’s a funny thing. Year after year you’re told “this is your year,” and it never is, and then, finally, when no one thinks you matter anymore ... it might be your year....
It Hurts To Watch The Cavs Like This
LeBron James looked exhausted. Jordan Clarkson was tasked with running the offense on far too many possessions. The Celtics’ rotation of hyped-up young dudes absolutely hounded the Cavs to death on defense. Watching the best player in the world trying to keep his team from going down 3-2 in the East...
The Capitals Rained Fire On The Lightning<em></em>
It was a dream start for the Washington Capitals tonight—or for any team on the road in a Game 7. Just a minute into the deciding match-up of the Eastern Conference Finals against the Lightning, the Caps’ all-time best player dramatically announced his importance. On a cross-ice pass from Tom Wilson...
Braydon Coburn Made The Mistake Of Trying To Fight Tom Wilson<em></em>
A small scrap in the first period of the Capitals-Lightning Game 7 sent Tampa’s Braydon Coburn and Washington’s Tom Wilson to the box for two minutes each. When that time was up, Wilson wanted to escalate the violence, and Coburn foolishly decided to try and stand his ground in an old-fashioned hoc...
A People's History Of Bill Simmons Making Up Corny Things For Boston Fans To Chant
There are any number of reasons why it’s easy to goof on Bill Simmons, and all of them are honestly pretty solid. Many of these have to do with the way he acts—grandiose and aggrieved and prickly-petty and, now that he’s ascended to demi-mogul status, prone to dilatory rich-guy extemporizing on The ...
Report: Richie Incognito Placed On Involuntary Psychiatric Hold After Gym Altercation
Briefly retired offensive lineman Richie Incognito has been placed on “involuntary psychiatric hold” after being involved in a gym altercation today in which he allegedly threw a dumbbell at another person, TMZ reports....
The Warriors Have Been Infected By Houston's Brain Worms And It's Ruining The West Finals
Okay, yes, goddammit yes, I was wrong, the Houston Rockets, who tied the Western Conference Finals at two games apiece last night in Oakland, have a chance to win the series. A frighteningly strong one, if like me you break out in hives at the prospect of a Larry O’Brien trophy consecrating into can...
The Cleveland Barons' NHL Existence Was A Short And Spectacular Disaster
Bob Whidden got the bad news first. On June 14, 1978, Whidden was in Montreal representing the Cleveland Barons at the NHL owners’ meetings....
The Rockets Refused To Die And Tied The Series<em></em>
Despite some early hiccups and, um, premature pronouncements of doom, the Rockets held a 53-46 lead going into halftime in Game 4 of the Western Conference Finals against the Warriors. For the most optimistic of Rockets fans, that advantage might’ve been enough to nervously hope for an even series. ...
The Rockets Are Short-Circuiting
One of the coldest, most ruthlessly efficient scorers in the NBA froze up on a wide-open three that Draymond Green was cool to let him have. P.J. Tucker eventually missed his own three to end the possession, but if you’re wondering how badly the Warriors own James Harden and the Rockets right now, h...
Lawsuit: Texans Cheer Coach Cut Cheerleaders Who Spoke Out To HR<em></em>
An anonymous former cheerleader for the Houston Texans has filed a wrongful termination lawsuit against the Texans and cheerleading coach Altovise Gary under the Fair Labor Standards Act. The cheerleader, identified only as P.G.G., worked for the team for the 2017-18 season and left in April. The la...
Japanese College Football World Rocked After Player Reveals He Was Ordered To Injure Opposing QB
A single dirty hit in a college football game three weeks ago has become a such a scandal in Japan that the perpetrator held a nationally televised press conference today to explain himself. ...
So Who Is Barstool's PFT Commenter?
Every so often, some publication or other—often a fancy one—will run a fawning profile of PFT Commenter, the sports satirist who works for Barstool Sports and co-created the wildly popular comedy podcast Pardon My Take. These profiles are all more or less the same....
Can Tom Brady Dunk?
Hello. This is Dave. I am your Funbag substitute teacher. If you’re sorry I’m not Drew, just know so am I. I promise I’m not trying to replace him. But the Minnesota Vikings, am I right? What’s the deal with barbecuing?!?! Fuck John McCain! Anyway, I do most of my work at Vice Sports and have an ind...
Fox News Dedicates Entire Segment To Spewing Bullshit About Jemele Hill Being "Unemployed"
The U.S. president’s favorite television show Fox & Friends spent an entire segment this morning blasting Jemele Hill, stating the ESPN writer and commentator lost her job at the network due to her criticism of Donald Trump. One problem: Jemele Hill remains fully, gainfully employed by the Worldwide...
How An Inner-City Minnesota High School Built a Girls’ Badminton Dynasty
Bao Nhia Thao is maybe 5-foot-2, with an enigmatic smile—smooth and benign. ...
The <i>Dancing With The Stars: Athletes </i>Finale Brought Kimonos, Backflips, And The Loss Of Our Dignity
I’ve always felt that every once in a while it’s good to rank the things you love most. You never know when you’ll be asked to choose between your waffle iron and Stanley Tucci’s character in Big Night, but when you inevitably are, it will be important to have that answer on hand immediately. It’s a...
I Ask You Once Again: How Are The Cavs Like This?
What’s going on here? Just what the heck is this?...
I'm In Awe Of This Nicklas Backstrom Pass
“That was pretty much a perfect game,” Devante Smith-Pelly said after the Capitals’ convincing 3-0 win to take the Lightning to a Game 7, and, yup. The offense was relentless, the defense was suffocating, and Braden Holtby was impenetrable when tested. (Smith-Pelly had a hell of a game himself, scor...
LeBron James Can Make Scoring 44 Points Look Ordinary
Probably the highest praise to give LeBron James is that his 44-point game tonight wasn’t even all that exhilarating, particularly when it didn’t come packaged with quite as many boards and assists (five and three) as his previous five 40-point outings this postseason. The Cavaliers’ 111-102 defeat...