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St. Louis Cardinals Release Statement Announcing That Giancarlo Stanton Has Owned Them<em></em>
Ken Rosenthal reported Thursday that baseball murderer Giancarlo Stanton will not waive his no-trade clause for the Giants or Cardinals. (The Astros and Cubs remain in the mix, albeit behind the Yankees and Dodgers.) Stanton’s refusal to go to St. Louis wasn’t a hypothetical one, according to the Ca...

Vasyl Lomachenko Vs. Guillermo Rigondeaux Is Boxing Fuckery At Its Finest
Vasyl Lomachenko is a gizmo. “Hi-Tech” is a fitting sobriquet for the fighter whose ring style is a dizzying arsenal of bells, whistles, buzzers, beepers, and blinking lights....

Sean Payton Claims He Doesn't Remember Shit-Talking Devonta Freeman
There was a weird moment during last night’s game between the Saints and Falcons, when Saints head coach Sean Payton did some premature gloating. With his team up 17-10 and 12:30 left to play, Payton gave the “Choke!” sign to Falcons running back Devonta Freeman after Freeman had run for no gain nea...

Report: Giancarlo Stanton Narrows Down List Of Trade Candidates, Crosses Off Giants And Cardinals
Giancarlo Stanton has reportedly narrowed the list of places he’d accept a trade, and the two biggest frontrunners have been left off. Per reporting from The Athletic’s Ken Rosenthal, Stanton is now focusing on the Dodgers and Yankees—and not the Giants or Cardinals. Craig Mish of SiriusXM reported ...

Ugly Soccer Match Becomes Much Better After Dog Invades The Pitch
Macedonian club Vardar hosted Norway’s Rosenborg in blah blah blah oh wow, look at this cute doggy that interrupted the game!...
![Barstool Sports Editor-In-Chief Calls 16-Year-Old Cheerleader Hot, Sarcastically Apologizes, Deletes Everything [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/lz38o0t54mhkx15jsg2z.jpg)
Barstool Sports Editor-In-Chief Calls 16-Year-Old Cheerleader Hot, Sarcastically Apologizes, Deletes Everything [Update]
Texas high school cheerleader Ariel Olivar impressed and baffled the internet with her invisible box trick. Tons of outlets wrote about it, usually marveling at the difficulty of her accomplishment. Barstool Sports editor-in-chief Keith Markovich thought it was worth noting something else....

We Live In Hell
Alabama senate candidate Roy Moore, who has been multiply and credibly accused of sexually preying on teenage girls, recently sent a mailer to voters in order to convince them that his opponent, Doug Jones, is the wrong man for the job. Please take note of the first bullet point here:...

Leafs Troll Calgary By Honoring Grey Cup Champs Before Game Against Flames
The Toronto Argonauts handed the Calgary Stampeders their second successive Grey Cup loss last week in heartbreaking fashion, returning a Calgary fumble 109 yards for a game-tying touchdown with five minutes remaining, then clinching with a late winning field goal. It was the kind of win that will f...

After The Black Death, Europe's Economy Surged
The Black Death, the wave of bubonic plague that devastated Europe after 1348, marked the final end of a long period of economic growth. The several prior centuries had been a time of explosive expansion of both the population and economy of Europe, a development the historian Robert Lopez termed th...
![Mark Emmert Has A Bad Take On LiAngelo Ball [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/hwjlazfpoab9m3ycvrrc.jpg)
Mark Emmert Has A Bad Take On LiAngelo Ball [Update]
Earlier this week, freshman guard LiAngelo Ball was pulled from UCLA without ever playing a game, since he was suspended indefinitely after shoplifting on a team trip to China. At the Learfield Intercollegiate Athletics Forum in Manhattan today, NCAA President Mark Emmert was asked about Ball, to wh...

It's Better When Bradley Beal Just Shoots A Lot
I don’t know exactly what Bradley Beal had been trying to do in the five consecutive games the Wizards played without John Wall prior to last night’s visit to the Blazers in Portland. The Washington Post’s Candace Buckner has it that he was trying to create shots for others in the absence of one of ...

Give This Camera Person A Raise
Here’s a fairly mundane play from last night’s game between the Raptors and Suns, which was made spectacular by the quick thinking of the camera operator under the basket....

Dallas Keuchel Got Hurt In The Astros’ Championship Parade
The Houston Astros confirmed earlier this week that Dallas Keuchel has a minor foot injury. The pitcher, an all-star this season who started two games in the World Series, got hurt in a curious way: He fell during the championship parade and sprained his ankle....

College Basketball's Best Coaches Don't Have The Answers
In a piece published at CBS Sports on Tuesday, reporter Matt Norlander chatted up several of college basketball’s top coaches, hoping to find a path inside the minds of these titans, these innovators. The main question being posed is the one that’s been vexing the sport since the FBI fucked everyone...

That Was Bad Football
A grimy football game can be fun, sometimes. Messy, brutal, even a little bit of dirty play can raise the stakes, or at least turn a game into a car wreck that can’t be looked away from. Steelers-Bengals was not fun....

Coach Of High School Team Shut Out 102-0: "My Girls Did Everything Possible To Score"
Common as extreme blowouts are in high school basketball, a true shutout is still extremely rare. The state of Montana had its first one in any level of recorded organized basketball last weekend, and man, is it a bummer: Froid-Medicine Lake High 102, Brockton High 0....

Shaun Livingston And Referee Courtney Kirkland Suspended For Bumping Heads
Warriors guard Shaun Livingston and referee Courtney Kirkland have each been suspended for their little altercation from yesterday—Livingston for one game and Kirkland for one week. Livingston was assessed a technical and ejected at the time; Kirkland was only found partially responsible after a lea...

Julius Thomas Scores Touchdown, Fucks Football
Touchdown celebrations are cool. Touchdown celebrations that pantomime sex are even cooler....

The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Failed Dive
Diving is an impressive sport. Athletes train endlessly so they can nail near-perfect dives, over and over. Even at the high school level, it’s pretty cool....

For Now, It Looks Like Giancarlo Stanton Will Either Be A Cardinal Or A Giant
Giancarlo Stanton in St. Louis? Giancarlo Stanton in San Francisco? If you’re dreaming about where the defending National League MVP might end up next season, there’s no sense in dreaming any bigger than that. The Stanton sweepstakes are reportedly down to the Cardinals and the Giants, and Stanton w...