tsa Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Someone Explain To Me The Alien Alloys Before I Fucking Explode
Hello, hi, yes, hello. We’ve all seen this, right? This story in the New York Fucking Times about the Pentagon’s $22 million Oh Shit There Might Be Aliens program? We’ve all read it? We’ve all engaged with the evidence within the story, written in part by two journalists who have won Pulitzer Prizes...
Marat Safin, Go Coach Your Son Nick Kyrgios
Marat Safin, who won two majors and hit world No. 1 despite the challenges of playing tennis with lit sticks of dynamite strapped to his head, spoke out about the state of the men’s tour on Thursday. It was refreshing, and typically Safin in its overt frankness. Safin took the unspoken undertone of ...
Baylor, TCU Team Up To Demonstrate Christian Values This Holiday Weekend
The first Thanksgiving in 1621 was held by religious fanatics to properly express gratitude to their God for a bountiful harvest. 396 years later, the holiday is recognized by football teams getting in fights with each other....
What Happens To A Brain When It Gets Rattled
Today’s column is about brain injuries....
Roger Federer's Graveyard
Roger Federer is a really great guy. I know this because I got to meet him a few days ago when he invited me to his house for a dinner party....
When Clint Malarchuk Almost Bled Out On The Ice
Today’s column is about exsanguination....
Draymond Green, Bradley Beal Brawl [Update]
Tonight’s much-ballyhooed Wizards-Warriors matchup got pugilistic late in the first half as Draymond Green and Bradley Beal got into a mega-fight that resulted in Green walking off the court with a torn jersey and an ejection due to a second technical foul. Beal was ejected as well....
Everton Supporters Join In Fight With Lyon Players
Today’s Everton-Lyon Europa League match at Goodison Park featured fan participation as a fight between players came close enough to the seats that some supporters themselves entered the fray to have a few blows....
Everything You Never Really Wanted To Know About Cauliflower Ear
Today’s column is about fucked-up ears....
French Gymnast Wants To Become An MMA Fighter
MONTREAL, Canada—In Rio, Samir Ait Said, a leading gymnast for France became famous for something an elite athlete never wants to become known for—suffering a horrific injury on live TV....
Trash, Like Feelings, Can Become A Sad Wet Fire When Buried
Today’s column is about mysterious trash fires....
Vols Brawl
Georgia beat Tennessee 41-0 in Knoxville today, an ass-whupping that paled only to those apparently being dispersed among spectators....
Why Running Sometimes Makes You Shit Blood
Today’s column is about bloody shits....
Gymnast Botches Turn On Beam, Kind Of Invents New Skill
ANAHEIM, Calif.—Jordan Chiles is a 16-year-old gymnast from Washington that you’ve probably never heard of. She was too young to vie for a spot on last year’s Olympic team so this year is her first time competing at the national championships in the senior ranks. And when she was competing on balanc...
How To Fuck In The Woods, And Other Survival Tips
Today’s column is about enjoying the great outdoors....
This ESPN Fantasy Football Auction Segment Is ... Yikes
I don’t know if this tone-deaf fantasy football auction segment that ESPN2 aired yesterday, with its galling resemblance to a slave auction, means that nobody involved in its production saw or understood Get Out, or if they’ve never read a history book, or if they’re all just really dumb, nor do I k...
Welcome To Meat Sack, A Guide To Sports-Related Body Horror
The ecosystem of the human body does not want for complexity, nor do the myriad of idiot things we inflict upon it. This is perhaps nowhere more apparent than in the world of sports, where athletes willingly submit their bodies, like monks to their vows, in pursuit of Larry having a nice, drunken ni...
Multiple Ejections After Massive Brawl Between Giants And Nationals
Hunter Strickland drilled Bryce Harper with an eighth-inning pitch that sparked a brouhaha between the Giants and Nationals today in San Francisco....
French Gymnast Who Suffered Horrific Leg Break In Rio Is Making His Comeback
Less than a year after the Olympic Games in Rio, Samir Ait Said, the French gymnast who suffered a gruesome leg fracture during the men’s qualifications, is back to training....
Four T'd Up As Warriors And Thunder "Brawl"
Stephen Curry, Draymond Green, Semaj Christon, and Russell Westbrook all drew technical fouls as a fight between the Warriors and Thunder erupted near the end of tonight’s first half in Oklahoma City....