ty Page 531 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Royals Are Selling Bottled Water From The Kauffman Stadium Fountain
Hey, Royals fans: Your team's shop is selling small bottles of water from Kauffman Stadium's fountain, because they don't respect your intelligence....

Name Of The Year 2014: The Elite Eight
We're down to just eight splendid name-inees, and we're happy to see each one of them picking up their own fan groups. The comments section has provided a thorough analysis to complement our own, and we hope to see more nuggets of brilliance as we approach the Final Four....

Which NCAA Scorekeepers Give Out The Most Assists?
Over on FiveThirtyEight, Carl Bialik has an interesting article on how NCAA assist rates vary from court to court, since scorekeepers are given considerable leeway in deciding what counts as an assist and what doesn't. Ken Pomeroy tackled the same subject back in 2007, and both identified Sam Housto...

Umpires Used Instant Replay To Check The Count And I Wanted To Die
It took exactly four days for me to do a complete 180° on MLB's new replay review system. It happened when umpires lost track of the count in the ninth inning of last night's Yankees-Astros game, and spent more than three minutes using replay to count balls and strikes. I went from let's use technol...

This Is Why Nobody Should Play For Jim Boeheim
Jim Boeheim continues to be a giant shit. On this morning's episode of SportsCenter, the Syracuse coach got on some snake shit and did what he could to damage Tyler Ennis's career. He did this because he sucks....

Brendon Ayanbadejo Implies Miami Traded Him For Taking Paternity Leave
The fuss about Daniel Murphy missing two games to be there for the birth of his son seemed like a total nontroversy—the Mets were OK with it, and their fans were OK with it. (Seriously. It's two games. And Daniel Murphy. And the 2014 Mets.) The only people upset were New York radio hosts. But the de...

J.R. Smith Says He'll Give The Pipe To Whomever He Chooses
J.R. Smith dropped a public service announcement to his followers tonight: He won't put up with dudes who are angry because their girls follow him on Twitter. Stop blowing up his spot....

LPGA Golfers Miffed At Paulina Gretzky's <em>Golf Digest</em> Cover
Paulina Gretzky, Wayne Gretzky's daughter, was the cover model for the May issue of Golf Digest. A few female pro golfers are annoyed about it....

Never Buy New Sneakers In March. Never.
These are my new shoes. I have had them for, oh, a little longer than a week. They are muddy shit, now. I tell myself that I will clean them later, but we all know that even if that does happen—even if I do not forget; even if I am not overwhelmed by the obvious futility of such an enterprise—"cl...

Ned Yost Lacks Object Permanence
Let's set the scene. Yesterday's Royals-Tigers game, top of the eighth, two outs, and the tying run on second, and Alcides Escobar at the plate for Kansas City. Alcides Escobar was, by multiple respectable metrics, the single worst hitter in baseball last year. Manager Ned Yost allowed Escobar to hi...

Shirtless Idiot Crashes Pirates' Pierogi Race
During the Great Pierogi Race between innings of last night's Cubs-Pirates game at PNC Park, one fan hopped the fence and took off in hot pursuit of those savory, anthropomorphic dumplings. High-stepping across the outfield, shedding clothes as he went, he tried to escape over a low wall in right. H...

Fake Rich Guy Donald Trump Pretends He Wants To Buy The Buffalo Bills
Originally published at Bloomberg View...

Tom Selleck: Pretty Indecisive
Check out Pat Jordan's 1989 GQ profile on the TV star-turned-movie actor:...

2014 Name Of The Year: The Sweet 16
We had a polling malfunction last week: The Bulltron and Sithole polls inexplicably closed early. Our bad, and thanks for letting us know on Twitter so we could re-open them; we might not have caught the error otherwise....

Barcelona Slammed With Enormous Transfer Ban For FIFA Rules Violations
Today, FIFA announced unparalleled sanctions against Barcelona for repeated and systemic violations of the international body's youth transfer rules. Barcelona has been banned from any transfer activity for the entirety of next season. This is the coup de grâce in what already has been a monumentall...

How Did Washington Get DeSean Jackson So Cheap?
The Philadelphia faithful will have their chance next season to tell DeSean Jackson exactly what they think of him, when he returns as the newest member of a divisional rival. Jackson agreed to terms with Washington yesterday, on a relatively team-friendly deal for one of the league's top receivers....

Penn Women's Lacrosse Players Accused Of Damaging Bar, Exposing Genitals
The University of Pennsylvania's women's lacrosse team is accused of causing significant damage, stealing booze, and more while partying at a Philadelphia pub Saturday night....

I Bandwagoned The <i>How I Met Your Mother</i> Finale, Which Sucked
I have a nasty habit of jumping into popular TV shows at the last moment to siphon off a bit of counterfeit emotional payoff without putting in the years and years of tedious buildup. I did this with Lost (not bad!). I did this with Breaking Bad (I REGRET NOTHING). And last night I did it with Ho...

Here's The Contract Steve Masiello Signed With USF
In case you were wondering, here is the contract current former suspended Manhattan College basketball coach Steve Masiello signed with South Florida before it found out he never graduated college. As is often the case, the devil is in the details....

Ten <em>Mid-Majority</em> Posts You Must Read Before The Site Dies In 7 Hours
Mid-major basketball maven Kyle Whelliston is shuttering The Mid-Majority tonight after ten years of operation, and deleting the site's entire content. It's been the home of some of the best college basketball writing around, and if you haven't had the chance to ever check it out, the clock is ticki...