ubs Page 78 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Biggest Winner In Marlon Byrd's PED Bust? Marlon Byrd. The Biggest Loser? The Cubs (Of Course).
When MLB announced Monday that noted Victor Conte client Marlon Byrd would be suspended for 50 games after he tested positive for taking an estrogen inhibitor, it was reported that Byrd would be docked 50 days' pay, since that's what the rules say. The suspension began immediately, since Byrd is sti...
Now Batting, Travis Wood Of The Chicago Ubs
Cubs pitcher Travis Wood shut down the Mets in his seven innings of action last night, though the real impact he made was on viewers stupefied by his batting helmet's misplaced logo. The cap appears to have been through some severe trauma, made all the weirder because Wood, being a pitcher, has bat...
Won't Somebody Remind A.J. Pierzynski There Are Only Two Outs?
Top of the eighth, none on, one out, and Matt Thornton catches David DeJesus looking for strike three. The White Sox are well on their way to avoiding a sweep. OK. Looks like Starlin Castro is up next, and—hang on. A.J.? Yo, A.J.? What the—where's he going? Hey! Wait. Did everyone forget? Don't they...
Heavy Wind Nearly Propels Grounds Crew Worker Into Orbit
Keep your eye on back row of grounds crew workers in the video above, specifically the fourth person from the left. Even if you can't find him right away, you certainly will by the six-second mark, when the wind launches him several feet off the ground. That's Kyle Smith, the general manager of th...
Jeff Garlin Struggles Through "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" Before Telling Tigers Fans They Suck
Actor, comedian, and Cubs fan Jeff Garlin took issue with Tigers fans at Wrigley today for being "irritating" or, more accurately, existing. "There are just so many of them too," he told Len Kasper and Bob Brenly in the Cubs broadcast box. He decided to hang out for a while after the rough perform...
The Devils Had A Grand Old Time At The Clubs After Their Game 6 Loss
Here we go again. Time to have that age-old debate over whether it's acceptable for athletes to have fun and go out partying after losing a championship. It seems like we just had this argument four months ago, but the answer remains the same: Yes, it is always acceptable. ...
Wearing A Fish Bib And Singing An Italian Song Did Not Give Tommy Lasorda Or Lou Piniella A Heart Attack, TMZ Says
This was the scene Sunday evening at Bamonte's, an Italian restaurant in the Williamsburg section of Brooklyn that's been open since 1900. Bamonte's is a wonderfully old-school red-sauce joint—try the stuffed peppers appetizer and the eggplant rollatini—and it's not uncommon there for a couple of ol...
Which One's The Crackpot? Which One's The Lesbian? Know Your Rickettses, The Politically Active Cubs Owners
The newspaper headlines make it seem like the Chicago Cubs owner is up to no good. "Cubs Owner Ricketts' Anti-Obama Ad Proposal Risks Stadium Growth." "Report: Emanuel 'livid' with Cubs owner after soliciting Jeremiah Wright attack ad proposal." Sounds like this Mr. Ricketts has really vexed some fo...
Here's Kerry Wood's Emotional Exit From Baseball, After One Final Strikeout
We reported earlier today Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood is retiring from baseball, but the oft-injured hurler promised to make one last appearance before hanging up his cleats. That appearance came today, and it was in a legitimate spot; down 3-2 in the eighth, Wood relieved starter Jeff Samardzija and pr...
Kerry Wood Is Retiring
According to a report from ESPN Chicago's Bruce Levine, Kerry Wood will retire today. Wood's struggled this year. He's given up eight hits and walked 11, while striking out only five, in nine innings. Until his hiccups this year, and, evidently, his retirement, Wood appeared set for a semi-successfu...
Enough With The Mystical Cubs Bullshit, Please
Can we talk about this? Can we talk about everything wrong with the notion that if the Cubs are to succeed—if they are to finally, evitably win a championship—they have to first tear down Wrigley Field? That there is bad juju on Waveland and hoodoo on Sheffield and black alchemy on Addison and maybe...
Steve Bartman's True Identity Revealed: He's Al Bundy
First, we brought you the Jose Canseco joke that launched a thousand Jose Canseco jokes. Now, we bring you evidence that Steve Bartman is Al Bundy. Or perhaps even more insidious, Bartman was merely a stooge in a wide ranging conspiracy to prove the writers of Married...With Children soothsaying o...
Brewers Closer John Axford Blows Save, Endears Himself To Media Anyway
Normally when a player fails to "take his lumps" or "stand up and face the music" or however else you'd like to phrase "talk to the media after screwing up," he is taken to task. John Axford, however, had a pretty good excuse and let the media know via handwritten message....
Cubs Ballgirl Caught On Camera Writing Note Was Rejecting Fan's Request For Her Phone Number
The video you see above made its way around the internet in recent days, and had even been sent to us by a handful of tipsters. All we knew was what we saw: A ballgirl at Wrigley Field filling out a note and handing it to a ballpark attendant. Naturally, an expert (read: Cubs broadcaster Bob Brenl...
New Era's "Chicago Vs. Chicago" Spot Is Actually Set At A Hoboken Bar
Official MLB cap provider New Era's launched a series of ads titled "Chicago Vs. Chicago" in which popular character actors Nick Offerman and Craig Robinson argue over the merits of the Cubs versus the White Sox. This debate takes place, as we're led to believe in an establishing shot, in a Chicago...
Richard Marx Goes Yard Off Dennis Eckersley, Chicago Cubs Win World Series
I have no idea how I don't remember this video, because I definitely remember the song. Maybe you don't remember it either. Maybe we buried it deep within our collective subconscious....
Lucha Libre Cubs Fan Hasn't Won <em>Campeonato Consejo Mundial</em> Since 1908
The Marlins crushed the Cubs 9-1 last night in front of an announced 25,000 spectators, one of which was this Cubs fan in headgear we can't imagine is particularly comfortable in the Miami heat. But hey, at least he got to see this a few times....
Illinois Man Arrested After He Accuses Blackhawks And Cubs Executives Of Stealing His Ideas To Win Championships
56-year-old Emanuel Kuvakos of Burr Ridge, Ill. was arrested on Tuesday night and charged with three counts of misdemeanor harassment by electronic means. At first, we imagine, Kuvakos just wanted to protect his intellectual property:...
Why Yes, This Human-Chicken-Squid Hybrid Is A Cubs Fan
Ronnie Tomaszewski was skipping yet another of his classes at North Park University when he remembered it was Thursday already and he was a bit short on cash for what was sure to be a big weekend of partying. A few of his fraternity brothers had testified to the easy money of that old college stand...
0% Of Cubs Fans Polled Expect Their Team To Make The Playoffs
Cubs fans are already despondent after yesterday's 2-1 loss to the Nationals. In other words, they're gotten an early jump on behaving like Cubs fans. Here's a poll from Chicago news station CLTV aired last evening, in which nary a single believer in a Cubs postseason could be found. Obviously, t...