uk Page 168 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

What In God's Name Is Tim Duncan Doing To That Whale?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

John Cusack, Chris Chelios and Eddie Vedder Walk Into A Ballpark...
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Pudgy Philly Puker To The Pokey
Matthew Clemmens will spend 60 to 90 days in jail, and do community service (the judge suggested cleaning bathrooms at Citizens Bank Park) after pleading guilty to assault, harassment and disorderly conduct. We're awaiting comment from crazy uncle Dave. [Inquirer]...

The Lure of a 45-53 Team Proves Too Strong for Uecker
So, Bob Uecker grabbed the mic and called the Brewers/Nationals game last night, less than three months after extensive heart surgery coupled with staph infection....

Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Bobby Hurley
Welcome back to Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater. Today's entry: former Duke point guard Bobby Hurley synced up to Scandal's rollicking anthem, "The Warrior." Note the brilliant match-editing at the 1:01 mark. H/T TarHeelBlues ...

Duke Basketball Fan Feels Persecuted, Part 7,938
"i've noticed that espn opens each sportscenter with championship snippets of the yankees, saints, lakers, alabama football, even uconn women's bball. hmmm. who's missing and is it intentional?" That's followed by the emoticon for "whining Little Lord Fauntleroy." [Duke Basketball Report]...

Last Night's Winner: The NHL Growing A Pair For Once
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the NHL, which by rejecting Ilya Kovalchuk's contract did the right thing; unfortunately they've been doing the wrong thing for so long, they just come off hypocritical....

John Kruk Thinks Prince Fielder Isn't Too Fat
Teams should pay Fielder millions of dollars and not worry about his weight, says a man who was paid millions of dollars and refused to drop pounds. He then proceeded to pick his teeth with one of Mickey Morandini's de-fleshed ribs. [ESPN.com]...

Ilya Kovalchuk's 17-Year Contract Is So, So Illegal, And The NHL Can't Do Anything About It
It's being reported that Ilya Kovalchuk, 27 years old, re-signed with the Devils for 17 years and $100-plus million. What gives? Oh, nothing. Just New Jersey taking a dump on the salary cap, and wiping its ass with the CBA....

LeBron Watch, Day 55: Dan Gilbert's Top Secret Second Letter To Cleveland
The Cavs owner has already racked up a $100,000 penalty for ripping LeBron James, and now, in the wake of Zydrunas Ilgauskas's departure for Miami, he appears to be gunning for a second fine. Dear Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio, Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight, and res...

Another Thing LeBron James's Narcissism Caused: One Michigan Man's DUI
"When asked if he'd been drinking the man said that he had been drinking, and it was because LeBron James had decided to play for the Miami Heat instead of the Boston Celtics." [MLive]...

Spaniard Gets Punched In The Face By Someone Other Than A Dutch Midfielder
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

If a Bull Gores Someone in Pamplona When Everybody's Watching Soccer, Does the Wound Bleed?
Not a good weekend for bulls internationally....

A LeBron-Jersey-Burning-Video Roundup
Cleveland did not burn itself down last night, but it seems that everyone took to YouTube to document the torching of LeBron jerseys. Here are a few such videos....

The Decision: Reconsidered
As you know, last night's LeBronnukah special on ESPN was THE MOST DRAMATIC HOUR IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION. In this video, we crank up the drama to 11. We hope you enjoy....

Counterpoint: LeBron James Is Not A Cocksucker
Yesterday, a guy who spent seven seasons with the team that drafted him announced he wanted to play basketball with his friends and win a lot of games. He wanted this so badly that he was willing to take a pay cut....

Armen Keteyian On A Stool, And Other Strange Scenes From The Greenwich LeBron Stakeout
Our man in Greenwich, Craig Fehrman, describes what it was like to wait for LeBron's Decision under a tree in a tony Connecticut town for hours with hordes of media and curious onlookers....

Cleveland Paper Calls Out King Without A Ring
The Plain Dealer gets the last word on LeBron's reign in Cleveland. This will come back to haunt them in photoshop form if he wins rings with the Heat. Meanwhile, here's a great roundup of various front pages this morning. [Charles Apple]...

LeBron Watch, Day 50: What ESPN Should Have Asked LeBron James
On a night when LeBron James became the most hated man in basketball, only one network had a chance to ask him tough questions about a decision that will shape the future the NBA. And, of course, they didn't do that....

LeBron's Departure Helps Tea Party, Political Writers In Desperate Need Of LeBron Angle
It's early, but this story on The Atlantic's web site might just be the most inane, half-assed piece of LeBron punditry you'll read today. Here, I'll summarize: LeBron made Ohio angry. Angry people join the Tea Party. The end....