um Page 186 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
It's Bad To Waterboard People
This seems like it should be pretty self-explanatory....
UConn Trick-Shot QB-Turned-Trump Valet Fired Due To Homeland Security Investigation
Remember Johnny McEntee? We featured him in these pages seven-some years ago, as the UConn quarterback displayed some incredible sleight of hand in a trick-shot compilation video. Johnny later dropped the diminutive and became John McEntee, Donald Trump body man, except now he’s not even that anymor...
Broncos Agree To Pay Case Keenum Some Amount Of Money
Late last night, the Denver Broncos made the first move in this offseason’s quarterback race, snatching former Vikings quarterback Case Keenum off the market. The deal, which can’t become official until free agency opens tomorrow, was first reported by ESPN’s Adam Schefter, and then very little info...
Jose Altuve's Day At The White House Looked Pretty Awkward
The Houston Astros visited the White House today to be honored for their 2017 World Series win, which puts reasonable-minded players in a bit of a pickle. The traditional post-championship White House visit is a potentially once-in-a-lifetime honor. Having to tolerate Donald Trump in the flesh and b...
Clippers Quickly Realize That Maybe Ayn Rand Isn't The Best Example To Use In Their Dating App Partnership
At some point today, the question of how to celebrate International Women’s Day on social media was considered by the Clippers. The answer, somehow, was to play up the team’s new partnership with a dating app and use the trio of Ayn Rand, Maya Angelou, and Anne Frank to do so....
<em></em>Clippers Empower Women Everywhere By Selling Ad Space To Dating App<em></em><em></em>
The Clippers have partnered with the dating app Bumble to create the latest advertisement to grace NBA jerseys. But lest you think this ad for the dating app known for requiring women to make the first move is, uh, just an ad for the dating app known for requiring women to make the first move—don’t ...
President Trump Graciously Accepts Credit For Saving The Winter Olympics
Those anxious weeks and months leading up to the Pyeongchang Olympics seem so long ago, now. With the games themselves just recently in the past, it’s easy to forget the questions that so defined those days. In bars and around water coolers, out loud to friends and family and in an echoing loop in o...
Ohio Sues MLS And Anthony Precourt Over The Columbus Crew's Potential Move
The state of Ohio and the city of Columbus filed a joint lawsuit against MLS and Columbus Crew owner Anthony Precourt Monday, in an attempt to keep Precourt from moving the team to Austin. Last October, Precourt said he would move the Crew to Austin for the 2019 season and beyond unless Columbus bui...
Ronda Rousey Can’t Act. Does It Matter?
Last night, Ronda Rousey made her third appearance on WWE TV since debuting at the WWE Royal Rumble. It went a lot like the last two, which is to say that it was a perfectly fine segment despite Rousey’s obvious inability to act....
Report: Donald Trump Didn't Actually Do Anything To Free UCLA Players Detained In China
Remember when Donald Trump made a big stink about he personally liberated three UCLA basketball players who were arrested for shoplifting in China? According to a new report from ESPN, Trump didn’t actually do shit....
Climbers Are Taking Too Many Dumps On Denali
Denali is full of shit....
None Can Defeat The Mighty Wizards
The brave Milwaukee Bucks tried their best. After falling behind the invincible Washington Wizards by 21 points in the first quarter of last night’s game, the deer men scraped and clawed nearly all the way back, drawing the deficit down to a single point five times in the fourth quarter. Alas, each ...
America's World Cup Hosting Bid Might Fail Because Everyone Hates Donald Trump
In a blessed confluence of somewhat unexpected events, Donald Trump’s presidency has thus far avoided bringing permanent ruin to the country and the world. The sheer odiousness of his status as president of the U.S. does, however, appear at risk of ruining this country’s shot at hosting the 2026 Wor...
Tim Lincecum Tries, Again
Tim Lincecum’s showcase for major-league scouts went well—or well enough, anyway—and he looked pretty healthy. So now he has a contract with the chance to mount his comeback....
The Vikings Are Clearing The Deck Of Quarterbacks To Go After Kirk Cousins
There’s an old, dumb, incorrect football saying that goes, “If you have two quarterbacks, you have none.” Well, the Vikings this season had three quarterbacks. And now, it appears, they actually do have none....
It's 2018 And Emeka Okafor Is Playing In The NBA
The last time Emeka Okafor appeared on Deadspin as a NBA player, he was being escorted off a ride at Six Flags America in Maryland because he was too tall. He had turned 30 a little over a month earlier, and was at that time the starting center on a deeply bleak 29-win Washington Wizards team that a...
Look At This Stupid Baby<em></em>
Here we have President Diaper, a fussy young infant who rarely sleeps through the night uninterrupted—and is known to be quite a handful during the daytime as well!—forced to listen for an agonizing 58 seconds as the governor of Washington state explains why arming teachers is a bad idea....
Report: With No White House Invite, Warriors Will Use D.C. Trip To Spend Day With Local Kids Instead
The Warriors won’t be spending any of their upcoming time in D.C. with President Donald Trump, so they’ll reportedly be spending some time on “a private tour of an undisclosed locale” with local children instead....
This Is A Truly Dreadful Curling Shot
It does not take a curling genius (or, barring that, just a regular old Canadian citizen) to figure out that Japanese skip Yusuke Morozumi really boinked this one against Denmark....
Russian Curling Bronze Medalist Aleksandr Krushelnitckii<em></em> Busted For Doping<em></em>
The Court of Arbitration for Sport says Russian curler Aleksandr Krushelnitckii, who with his wife Anastasia Bryzgalova claimed bronze in mixed doubles last week in Pyeongchang, is formally charged with doping after his B-sample tested positive for meldonium....