ump Page 46 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Columnist: What This Nation Needs Is For More Sports Teams To Be Nice To Donald Trump<em></em>
Maybe you have heard that some or all of the Golden State Warriors may decline an invitation to celebrate their NBA championship at Donald Trump’s White House, if Donald Trump chooses to invite them, which he has not yet. Maybe you have also heard that yesterday morning, an angry man with Bernie San...
Steph Curry Doesn't Seem Like He Wants To Go To The White House
Earlier this week, irresponsible and unfounded reporting claimed the Golden State Warriors will not be visiting the White House following their NBA Finals victory. That story was false; there’s still good reason to think that the team, or at least a few key members, might skip out on the tradition....
Daniel Murphy Made An Umpire Cussin' Mad
There was a brief and confusing tiff between Nationals second baseman Daniel Murphy and umpire Alan Porter during last night’s Braves-Nationals game. While in the field during the top of the second inning, Murphy asked Porter to shift out of his line of sight, which is a pretty common request from m...
Iman Shumpert Makes Me Real Sad
Exactly midway through the second quarter, well before Game 5 had drifted out to a place beyond hope, LeBron kicked the ball out for a nice open three, as LeBron likes to do. The pass might’ve been a few inches low, but still left this teammate plenty of time to beat Kevin Durant’s scrambling closeo...
Colorado Chancellor Suspended, <em></em>Athletic Director And Head Coach Fined Over Assistant's Alleged Domestic Violence
Colorado chancellor Phil DiStefano will be suspended 10 days and athletic director Rick George and head football coach Mike MacIntyre will each be required to donate $100,000 to domestic violence awareness for their handling of domestic violence allegations against former assistant coach Joe Tumpkin...
How Did Umpires Declare This A Home Run?
Rays centerfielder Kevin Kiermaier’s defense has such a strong reputation that when he misplayed this fly ball in the first inning of Tampa Bay’s game Tuesday against the White Sox, umpires decided the ball must have struck one of Tropicana Field’s rings—and awarded batter Yolmer Sanchez a home run....
According To Donald Trump Jr., Donald Trump Jr. Is A World-Class CrossFit Athlete
CrossFit is a program dedicated to its rituals. The intense, pan-disciplinary workout regimen practiced by thousands of Americans in WODKILLA t-shirts maintains a healthy competitive scene, and practitioners routinely compete in segmented workouts. One such workout is known as the Murph. It’s named ...
Report: Michigan State Banned Texans' Keith Mumphery From Campus For Violating Sexual Misconduct Policy
Current Houston Texans and former Michigan State receiver Keith Mumphery is banned from his alma mater’s campus until 2019 as the result of a university investigation into a report of sexual assault, the Detroit Free Press reported today. The ban was a stipulation of Mumphery’s 2016 expulsion from M...
Proposed Trump Budget Would Cripple The Overworked Office Enforcing Title IX
The federal office that investigates universities accused of discriminating against female students—including reports that schools are intentionally ignoring or downplaying allegations of sexual violence—is poised to lose 46 full-time employees under the proposed Trump administration budget, or 8 pe...
Colorado President To Decide If Mike MacIntyre Will Be Punished For Failing To Report Assistant's Alleged Abuse
The Daily Camera reported Tuesday that Colorado’s board of regents elected to have president Bruce Benson determine the form of any punishment action taken against head football coach Mike MacIntyre, athletic director Rick George, and chancellor Phil DiStefano for actively choosing not to report all...
The ORB Is Your New King
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Fox News Pays Tribute To Roger Ailes By Putting The Worst Possible Shit On TV Today
The Fox News Specialists, the new Fox program that gave the world Joe Namath yakking about Syria with Karl Rove, has blessed us again. Yapping cheshire cat and First Take host Stephen A. Smith linked up with apartheid apologist Ted Nugent on another edition of the show this afternoon, and the two sp...
All That's Left To Say Is That The President Is A Big Dummy
Donald Trump is a very stupid dumbass. Like even for a pampered inheritance baby, he’s exceptionally dumb! Just a big idiot. His brain came out of a can with the word “Hormel” on it. He’s stupider than shit. A stiff breeze could beat him at checkers....
Trump Won't Exercise For Fear Of Depleting His Body's Finite Store Of Energy
It’s not surprising that an artificially-hued, overweight 70-year-old with a terrifying lack of self-control and a noted penchant for fast food doesn’t hit the gym regularly. It somehow is surprising, though, that he has a characteristically smug and preposterous explanation....
Gregg Popovich Offers Yet Another Eloquent Criticism Of Donald Trump
A few hours before Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals, San Antonio Spurs coach Gregg Popovich shared some characteristically witty thoughts on subjects ranging from the play of Patty Mills (“the more good things I say about him, the more we’re going to have to pay him”) to whether he watched Sa...
Orlando TV Guy Says He Knows Who The Nude Man Humping A Shark Is
The identity of the nude man humping a shark has been partially revealed, per Orlando’s David Pingalore of CBS affiliate WKMG. The sports director appeared on Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi’s radio show Open Mike today, and shared what he knew about the shark humper, who is allegedly a form...
Here's Some Extremely White Shit
If you can think of something whiter than a college lacrosse team entering the field to an EDM track remixed with a Donald Trump speech in which the soundbite poorly aligns with the beat, spill it. Until then, this is the reigning champion....
Do You Think The Cavs Are Worried About The Celtics Or Wizards?
Let’s check in....
The FBI Was Never Going To Save The Republic You Dolt<em></em>
A few minutes ago, this blog post was very long. I’d been working on it all day! It was like 1,200 words long and I wasn’t half finished. Then I deleted all that shit, because actually, what’s true and worth saying about Donald Trump’s surprise firing of FBI director James Comey is pretty simple....