us Page 1000 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Election Night: An Excuse To Stay Up Past 8:30
Well, it's here. When I was a kid, Election Night was one of the few nights of the year I was allowed to stay up past 8:30. (Seriously, my bedtime was 8:30 until I was a freshman in high school. And you wonder why I still wet the bed.) I never knew who any of the candidates were, or even what the "...
When Oversized NBA Mascots Attack
I'm a huge fan of the hidden camera show brand of humor, which, when done well, can be pretty darned hilarious. Following the jump we have a good example, courtesy of the Houston Rockets. It reminds me of the old British show Trigger Happy TV, which was on Comedy Central briefly a while back. Those ...
USC Track Star Learns That You Simply Can't Outrun Bullets
Pictured above is Bryshon Nellum, who runs track for USC. The Halloween party he attended last night didn't go so well. As in, he ended up in the Emergency Room, after getting shot three times in the leg. The good news is that Nellum didn't suffer any life-threatening injuries, and might even race ...
Alabama Fan Waxes Eloquent On Life, Tennessee, and Saban
This is what it has come to: an erudite Alabama fan self-nicknamed "Cowboy" is Phil Fulmer's greatest defender. And Cowboy thinks that Nick Saban might be watching his analysis. Which, given that Saban is all-knowing and all-powerful, He probably is. Find a better mustache than this, I dare you. ...
Houston, We Have A Compound Fracture
As someone old enough to remember seeing "The Theisman Incident" on live TV, I like to consider myself an aficionado of horrifying bone-melting leg injuries. If you were watching the gridiron donnybrook between Houston and Marshall last night—and really, why would you be?—you witnessed one that will...
The Machines Shall Rise, And All Will Fall
All right, so the world is imploding. You know this. I know this too, though only because the Wassup Guys told me. Surely, these are the last days, before the global apocalypse rids the planet of humans and leaves only some cockroaches, a few stray strands of hair and, of course, Kermit, because Ke...
Tyrone Willingham Is Calling It A Career At Washington
Remember when Ty Willingham was on (or at the) top of the college football world? The guy won a Pac-10 title at Stanford (Stanford!) and in the late '90s was one of the rising stars of the college coaching world. Then in 2002, he replaced George O'Leary Bob Davie at Notre Dame and promptly went 8-0 ...
Putridity Poll: J.T. O'Sullivan vs. Ryan Fitzpatrick in Battle of the Foul QBs
Filed under: 49ers, Bengals, NFL Fans...
And This Is How "Why Can't Us?" Came To Be...
Why Can't Us? by dano609...
World Series Preview: Rays Vs. Phillies
The World Series is truly my favorite week of the year. Having the World Series going on is an excuse that gets you out of anything, every year. No matter what plans I might be forced into, all I have to say is, "Hey, the World Series is on," and people understand. You know how Will gets about his ...
It's Obama And McCain ... AFTER DARK!
So over the weekend, the two candidates for President — Sen. Barack Obama, head of a Muslim sleeper cell, and Sen. John McCain, organizer of the first Hanoi chapter of the Ku Klux Klan — spoke at the Al Smith Dinner, a big Catholic charity event held in Manhattan right before the elections every y...
USC Receiver's Dad to Pete Carroll: "Treat My Boy!"; Grandma: "You're Drama!"
Odd little story coming out of Trojan land - USC wide receiver Vidal Hazelton's dad is apparently none too happy with how the team's medical staff has dealt with his son's injuries. So much so that Dexter Hazelton took to putting pen to paper in an angry letter sent directly to Coach Pete Carroll, u...
Kellen Winslow: Please Stop Asking About My Junk
Good news, Browns fans. Your cantankerously talented tight end Kellen Winslow is no longer suffering from a mysterious ailment that may or may not be related to his testicular area. And...he might even suit up against the Redskins. Winslow addressed the media at practice today and let them know that...
Brain Explosions: Tony LaRussa Reveals To Duff McKagan That He Really Wanted to Coach the Mariners
Former Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan has been online diary-ing for the Seattle Weekly, talking about all things Duff-related and this week he tackles a topic near and dear to him: Seattle's struggling sports teams. The cleverly titled "What happened to our teams?" lets Duff engage his inner W.C...
Well, That Didn't Take Very Long
Oh the joys of Cafe Press. Luckily for those grammatically challenged denizens rooting for the Philadelphia Phillies for the World Series, you now get to have your very own T-shirt that will both show off pride in your team and your low SAT scores. There are a wide variety of styles — ring tee, long...
Overexcited Phils Fan Creates Grammatically Challenged Rally Cry
Well, this is a shame. And typical. But Philadelphia Phillies fans have never been known for their, oh, you know. What's the word? Smarts. (Present company included, obviously.) But this is just so endearingly dopey, I'm hopeful it does catch on. Via The 700 Level (which is celebrating in high style...
Madonna, A-Rod Reportedly Now Allowed to Touch Each Other's Private Parts Without Consequence
Well, this was inevitable. Now that she's officially divorcing her husband Guy Ritchie, the news resurfaces that over-striated singer Madonna is once again possibly doinking Yankees' third baseman Alex Rodriguez. (*kazoo sound*) To the celebrity gossip-mongering! Newsday's blog, The Final Score, beg...
Every Play Counts: Colts QB Peyton Manning Lights Up the Ravens
Filed under: Colts...
Economic Meltdown Provides Small Silver Lining Seattle Sonics Fans
In these troubled times that we live in, people need to focus on the little things that help get them through their day. The laughter of a child, the good health of loved ones, and the delicious schadenfreude of watching greedy corporate bastards lose a billion dollars or so right after stealing you...
You Should Probably Stop Having Birthday Parties When You're 11
I turned 33 over the weekend. There's something inherently sad about a single 33-year-old man hosting his own birthday party. I remember when my father turned 33; I was 11. It was my parents, my sister and myself eating tacos and watching the Cardinals game. That was pretty fun. I've had birthday b...