us Page 656 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Somebody Fucked With The Spurs Jesus
When Spurs Jesus got burglarized last month, he didn’t turn the other cheek, and he didn’t forgive his (literal) trespassor. Because he’s not actually Jesus, he’s just a weird San Antonio fan who pretends to be Christ. ...
Ronda Rousey Destroys Bethe Correia In 34 Seconds
As expected, Ronda Rousey dominated her Brazilian challenger Bethe Correia tonight, winning by a brutal knockout in just 34 seconds. Rousey dedicated her fight to the late “Rowdy” Roddy Piper....
Hakeem Olajuwon Was Something Else In College, Man
Today the NBA played the league’s first-ever game in Africa, pitting “Team World” against “Team Africa” in Johannesburg. The game—which managed to be largely boring, yet still a breath of fresh air in the final dog days of summer—was won by Team World, 101-97, and featured one nostalgic and genuinel...
No Hops-Having Keeper Lets Pass Bounce Over His Head For An Own Goal
You had three options here, goalkeeper: 1) run out to the incoming back pass and meet it right after it bounces, 2) step back a few steps and take the ball off your chest after it took that towering though perfectly predictable skip off the turf, 3) loiter around in the box and find yourself standin...
There Will Never Be Another Ronda Rousey
Ronda Rousey, the UFC women’s bantamweight champion, is defending her title on Saturday night. She will win easily....
Russell Wilson Finally Got Himself Paid
Russell Wilson has been an NFL oddity the last few seasons: a franchise quarterback making peanuts. This is because he was drafted in the third round, and the CBA makes it impossible for any player drafted that late—no matter how quickly they may rise to stardom—to earn more than a couple million do...
Goddammit, Julian Green Probably Just Sucks, Doesn't He?
Julian, Julian, Julian. I had such fucking hopes for you....
Padres Manager Pulled His Players To Screw With Everyone
With the MLB trade deadline tomorrow, fans are now on Early Exit Watch. Any player who leaves a game early will be considered to be involved in a trade, until proven otherwise. (Yesterday, the opposite happened.) When Justin Upton and Matt Kemp prematurely left Wednesday’s Padres game, the buzz star...
The New <i>Mission: Impossible </i>Is Almost Better Than The New <i>Mad Max</i>
1. I think if the Mission: Impossible franchise starred anyone other than Tom Cruise, we’d regard all these movies as classics. All five have been excellent in their own ways, but unlike any other franchise I can think of, each sequel is better than its predecessor. Each has a different director, an...
The Lifeless <i>Vacation </i>Reboot Is All Bowels And No Heart
1. The original 1983 National Lampoon’s Vacation is a classic because deep down, it’s essentially a sweet movie. The screenplay was written by John Hughes—based off the short story “Vacation ’58,” which he wrote about a family trip to Disneyworld, and which ultimately got him on the staff of Nationa...
MLS Match Delayed By Sprinklers, Again
Last month this happened in Kansas City. Tonight it happened again in Houston. Get it together, MLS!...
CONCACAF'd
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Putin's World Cup Has Begun
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Putin's World Cup Has Begun
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook....
Junior Seau's Family Banned From Speaking At His Hall Of Fame Induction
Junior Seau’s induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame next month will feature a video celebrating his on-field accomplishments, but no mention of his football-caused brain injuries or his self-inflicted fatal gunshot wound in 2012. It also will not feature any words from his family members....
Did Dana White Confirm That He Pays <i>USA Today</i> For UFC Coverage?
Within mixed martial arts circles, it has long been taken as a given that the UFC pays USA Today for coverage. As the rumor goes, the UFC buys advertising from USA Today with the tacit understanding that USA Today will cover the sport, and do so favorably....
Russia Suspends Black Player For Flipping Off Fans Making Monkey Chants
One of Russia’s many problems is racism. And not just the quiet, personal racism you find everywhere in Europe; also the kind of blatant, in-your-face sort that ... you also find most everywhere in Europe. Take, for instance, the upheld suspension of Ghanaian-born midfielder Emmanuel Frimpong, who w...
How To Go On A Fancy-Ass Cruise Without Going Broke
We all have that friend who just loves to tell about how they love traveling. He’s the same friend that doesn’t realize that not everyone has a seven-figure trust fund and can afford to celebrate destination half-birthdays. Some people, like you and I, work for our money. Here’s a few tips on how to...