usatoday Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We Are All Dave McKenna LXVII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Daniel Snyder's dumbass libel suit is decomposing in the bog....
Intern Horrors: Destroying A Bathroom At America's Crappiest Newspaper
Welcome to Intern Horrors, the weekly feature wherein interns and the people who exploit them write in to complain about each other (or confess their own sins). This week: befouling USA Today's bathrooms, our most boorish intern yet, and more....
Incorrect Report On Baseball Salaries Drives Country Into A Tizzy
Everyone breathlessly re-published USA Today's annual salary survey, with the shocking news that the average salary is down 17 percent from 2009. In actuality, average salaries are up from last season. Whoopsie....
The House of Mirrors That is the Mind of Barry Bonds
What would we see if we could step into the mind of Barry Bonds? The Mad Hatter would be hosting a tea party in there, certainly. Posters of Gilbert Gottfried and Prof. Irwin Corey on every wall. Fantastic creatures would abound — animals not found in nature, such as a spiny jackrabbit, and a half...
USA Today Keeps Its Finger On The Pulse
Lots of hot topics in sports news these days: Steroids. Amphetamines. Racism in the NBA. That thing on Scoop Jackson's lip. But USA Today is keeping us abreast of the hot issues: Native American mascots! The nation's best-selling hotel doormat rips the lid off the Massive, Late-Breaking Controversy....