van Page 125 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NBA Draft: Where People With More Talent Than You Become Millionaires
Wall, Turner, Favors, Johnson, and Cousins are the first five. No surprises there, because I am incapable of forming an opinion about the NBA. Nothing can shock me! [Live updates @ ESPN; Photo: AP]...
Last Night's Winner: The Apotheosis Of Landycakes
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Landon Donovan, who yesterday cried on camera and blew a kiss to his ex and somehow didn't get fagbaited for it, the way he always has....
A Children's Treasury Of Drunk People Screaming About Donovan's Goal
What did we do before YouTube, when those of us stuck in offices couldn't vicariously live through actual celebrations of yesterday's huge goal against Algeria? Here are some of the best....
Happy America Now Officially Insane, Possibly Jingoist About Soccer (For The Time Being)
Most of our country still hasn't come down from the afternoon spazgasm caused by the dainty foot of Landon Donovan, but remember, bandwagoners, there are people out there ready to scold your joy. Like The Nation....
Today, We Are All Americans High-Fiving Our Moms
Here's the first of what will probably be many U.S. goal reaction videos, and it's a good one. Whoever you are, arkansasjones, you perfectly captured the national mood when you said, "YEAAAHHYEAAAAAHH GOOAAAAALLLGOOAAALLYESSOOOOHYESSS," and then almost tackled your mom. [H/T Señor Montalban]...
Here's Video Of Landon Donovan's Winner (Music-Free Update)
In the 91st minute of a 0-0 draw, after a great throw by Tim Howard, Landon Donovan led the attack downfield, culminating in a put back goal by Landycakes himself. Just like that, the USMNT's stay in South Africa was extended....
World Cup Open Thread: Netherlands-Denmark
Day 4 kicks off with The Flying Dutchpersons taking on the very punny Olsen's Eleven while people the world over incorrectly point out which country is which on a map. Follow the consonant-filled action below....
Did ESPN Photoshop Dwight Gooden's Mug Shot On To A Suit?
Doc Gooden called into the Scott Van Pelt radio show today, but since it is also simulcast on ESPN2, they needed a suitable head shot to show viewers. Or failing that, a police mugshot with a suit painted over it....
"GAYTR" License Plate Raises Some Questions
An FSU fan seriously committed to the joke? A UF grad who's blissfully unaware? Or just one of the tens of thousands (statistically speaking) of literally gay Florida alumni, and we're just being insensitive jerks? (H/T to commenter chartman1.)...
My Slow Grind With Landon Donovan's Ex: A Word From Our World Cup Correspondent
Luke O'Brien and his crew of irregulars will be filing occasional dispatches from South Africa for us. Today, a story of attraction and frottage, involving our correspondent and one Bianca Kajlich, then the future (and now the former) Mrs. Landycakes....
Mariners Fan Loses Bet, Dignity
Last weekend, the Padres and Mariners faced off at Safeco Field. San Diego took two of three, and one fellow on the wrong end of a bet produced this oddly whisper-filled love letter to the Padres. H/T Theodore Donald Kerabatsos....
US Fans Create Horrific Image To Stir Up World Cup Rivalry
Here at The Spoiler, arts and crafts are held in very high esteem, be it the infantile crayon drawings of a child/Jamie Carragher, or a beautiful marble sculpture from the hands of Michelangelo/David James....
And Now A Photo Of Evan Longoria's Penis. Allegedly.
Those Beantown rapscallions at Barstool Sports have posted a photo of what one woman claims is the Rays' third baseman's prodigious bologna hammer. If you choose to click, remember that the safety of your workplace may be in peril. PENISPHOTO....
Michael Johnson Was "The Fastest Human Ever," According To Michael Johnson
A new BBC documentary about Usain Bolt—hosted by fellow sprinter Michael Johnson—adoringly mentions the man Bolt beat to claim the "fastest man alive" crown....Michael Johnson! Not mentioned: The one guy who was actually faster than Johnson....
"Tall Pitcher and Short Stop." This Fall On NBC!
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
NBC Falls For Silly NHL Pizza Party Hoax (UPDATE)
Both MSNBC and NBC Chicago got suckered in by an obviously fake story about members of the Canucks being fined for planning a pizzeria crawl of Chicago's deep dish establishments, and reported it as fact....
Stories That Don't Suck: The Kentucky Derby Is Faulkneresque, Heartbreaking And, As Always, Decadent And Depraved
Every week, Tommy will excerpt a handful of stories - old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime - that he urges you to read for one reason or another. Today, I'm filling in. Still, send suggestions: [email protected]....
Today In Wacky Reportage: How To Slightly Annoy Hockey Players
Whenever the Blackhawks score a goal at home, the Fratellis' "Chelsea Dagger" blares over the loudspeakers. A plucky reporter played it to several Canucks in an attempt either to psych them out or to recreate a moment from a terrible ABC sitcom. ...
Canucks Can Have As Much Sex As They Can Get Want
Vancouver's coach says players' sleep and nutrition are tightly controlled, but the sex is up to them. The first round will be an interesting contrast, as "hockey player" is the one profession that won't get you laid in L.A. [Via]...
Donovan McNabb's Legacy Haunts Philly In Guise Of Bank Robber
Police are on the lookout for this man, suspected of committing a major jersey foul. Also, robbing a bank. Rush Limbaugh doesn't know how to feel just now. [Inquirer]...