van Page 84 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tiffany Trump's Secret Service Detail, Like Her Father's Attention, Absent
As of today, Ivanka Trump has officially become the first Trump scion to receive her very own Secret Service detail. While Trump’s elder sons are more than equipped to hunt their own assassins, one Trump child remains notably protection-less. I am, of course, talking about none other than aspiring s...
Edinson Cavani Scores 4 Goals In First Half, Somehow Still Looks Kinda Bad
Finally, the Soccer Gods have seen fit to smile upon poor old Edinson Cavani. For the Uruguayan striker’s brave and unrelenting tilt at the enormous metaphorical windmill that has been tormenting him—gusting his first touches four yards further than required, blowing wide shots that should be gimme ...
Edinson Cavani Is A Hero
Maybe we’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe Edinson Cavani—the once world-bestriding striker who now seems trapped in his own private purgatory, one where his intelligent movement and powerful runs allow him to crash through defenses at will, only for all semblance of confidence and skill and ...
Famous Old Soccer Man Comes Out Of Retirement To Join Retirement League
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a great and celebrated soccer star, who not too long ago decided he didn’t have the drive and/or talent to hack it in the sport anymore, has chosen to take his talents to the geriatric enrichment program known as MLS due to his (likely accurate) belief that, ...
Only A Month After Breaking Her Back In A Horrific Crash, Annemiek Van Vleuten Won A Bike Race
After Dutch rider Annemiek van Vleuten crashed while leading the Olympic road race, I thought she was dead. She fell headfirst into a ditch and appeared to wrench her neck in the process, then remained motionless as her pursuers passed her. No official update was offered for about ten minutes, and g...
Deadspin 25: Tulsa Is All Offense And That's Just Fine
Welcome to the Deadspin 25, a college football poll that strives to be more democratic and less useless than every other preseason poll. Leading up to the college football season kickoff, we will give you previews of the 25 teams that you, the readers, voted to be most worthy of writing about. Now, ...
A Salute To John Bogle, A Real Fucking People's Hero
Che Guevara looks good in a beret, and Eldridge Cleaver had his moments, but today let us all take a moment to honor Real Motherfucking Hero of the People: John motherfucking Bogle, who has kept hundreds of billions of dollars out of the pockets of Wall Street greedheads....
Diving Scorpion Kick Goals Are The Best Goals
Normally, the uniformly terrible music soccer highlight makers afflict upon their videos detracts from the action on display. However, this metal track accompanying a video of Dmytro Ulyanov’s scorpion kick golazo in the Ukrainian first division really gets the feeling of badassery conveyed by Ulyan...
Blue Jays Assistant Offers The Hottest Advanced Stats Take Of All
Are you seated? Are you prepared to hear the rawest, truest sabermetrics take of all time from Blue Jays scout Steve Springer?...
Edinson Cavani Put Together A Shitty Performance For The Ages This Weekend<em></em>
To a sympathetic soul trying to surmise a specific and, more importantly, potentially reversible cause for Edinson Cavani’s rapid descent from Top Five Pure Striker to Fernando Torres 2.0, the most coherent case would go something like this: upon joining Paris Saint-Germain, poor Cavani was shunted ...
Wayde Van Niekerk's Run Was Historic In At Least Four Ways
South African Wayde van Niekerk’s Olympic gold medal and beautiful world record in the 400 meters could hardly get any sweeter. Out of lane eight—few win out of lane eight, much less set a world record, because other competitors are behind the lane eight runner until they hit the last straight, when...
Donovan Bailey Was Pretty Psyched About A Canadian Winning Bronze In The 100m
Canada hasn’t seen seen the men’s 100m podium at the Olympics since Donovan Bailey rode a world-record 9.84s to gold in 1996. Andre De Grasse ended that drought tonight by placing third—and also ended a drought for Canadian men in Rio, who had yet to win any medals at all. ...
Wayde Van Niekerk Smashes Michael Johnson's 17-Year-Old 400m Record<em></em>
South African Wayde van Niekerk chopped 15 hundredths of a second off Michael Johnson’s 400m record, set in 1999, en route to a dominating gold medal performance in Rio....
Road Race Leader Crashes Just Miles From Finish [Updates]
Dutch rider Annemiek Van Vleuten crashed on the descent with less than seven miles remaining in the 85-mile road race. While the course was different from the one we illustrated as being difficult-to-dangerous, much of it did follow the men’s course. ...
Second Place Artist Greg Van Avermaet Finally Wins The Big One
In 1971, the greatest cyclist of all time, Eddy Merckx, put together the greatest season of all time. He won the Tour de France, the world championships, three monuments, and took 45 percent of the races he started. That figure is incredible, and nobody ever has or ever will touch it, but he still l...
Carmelo Anthony Apologizes To Vanessa Carlton For Being A Big Grumpus
Team USA has been having a lot of fun off the court as they prepare to compete in the Rio Olympics (some have been having more fun than others), but a grumpy Carmelo Anthony was recently caught trying to rain on everyone’s parade....
The Olympics Are For Humans, Not Horses
What is the purpose of the Olympics? For the few thousand bureaucrats who divvy up the Games, give out contracts, and get kickass bribes, it is to enrich themselves. For everyone outside of the corruption apparatus of the Olympics, they are an exhibit of the best sportspeople, playing their sports. ...
Everything's Coming Up Joe Maddon
Judging a baseball manager’s long-term, direct impact on his team is one of the hardest things to do with any true accuracy. There are of course the ostentatiously bad decisions—bringing a young starter out of the bullpen on three days rest, having the three-hole hitter sacrifice bunt, etc.—that are...
Court Documents: Evander Kane Grabbed Women's Necks At Bar, Fought With Bouncer
Buffalo Sabres forward Evander Kane grabbed two women’s necks, pulled another woman’s hair, and fought with a bouncer at a Buffalo club called Bottoms Up on June 24, according to sworn statements to police acquired by Buffalo news station WKBW....