w Page 3591 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Has An American President Ever Watched Porn In The Oval Office?
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Jerry Jones Spends About A Minute Rambling About Monkeys
Last week, Dez Bryant posted a photo on Instagram of his “new best friend,” a monkey named Dallas Bryant. When PETA found out, it demanded that Bryant relinquish the illegal pet monkey, but there wasn’t proof that the Cowboys receiver actually possessed Dallas. DeSoto, Texas police investigated, and...
D.J. Augustin Somehow Gets Away With Six-Step Layup
The referees may have missed the blatant travel, but at least they caught the goaltending. One out of two ain’t bad....
Report: Patrick Kane's Accuser Will No Longer Cooperate With Investigation
Over the weekend, the Buffalo News reported that it appeared unlikely that the rape accusation against Blackhawks star Patrick Kane would go before a grand jury, let alone result in criminal charges. Now we know why: Kane’s accuser has reportedly told prosecutors she no longer wants to cooperate wit...
Let's All Belt Out Sia's New Ballad "Bird Set Free" Together
Last night on Facebook, Sia offered us the beautiful ballad “Bird Set Free,” a new single off her upcoming album, This Is Acting. How soon until we can get this one on the books of our local karaoke establishments? ...
Warriors Top Grizz, 119 To—Wait, I'm Pretty Sure This Is A Video Game Score
There’s been a terrible mistake. The AP, ESPN, even the NBA itself—they’re all recording the final score of last night’s Warriors-Grizzlies game as a 119-69 win for the Warriors, but clearly that is the score of some kid’s video game. I mean, ha ha, 119-69, get the fuck outta here, who would even be...
The Skins' Latest Court Filing Is Comically Vulgar
The Skins are desperately trying to preserve their trademark, which was canceled by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office last year and upheld by a federal judge this summer. It’s before a court of appeals now, and on Friday the team filed its opening brief. It appears it was written by Andrew Dice C...
The Titans Have Fired Ken Whisenhunt, Who Was Doing A Very Bad Job
The Tennessee Titans announced this morning that head coach Ken Whisenhunt has been fired, and will be replaced on an interim basis by assistant coach Mike Mularkey....
Kristaps Porzingis Is Already Doing Cool Things
If you’re into symbolism, Kristaps Porzingis’s night should resonate with every Knicks fan. You’re rolling along, looking good, feeling good about the future, you do something outright spectacular—and then Carmelo Anthony falls on your head....
Dusty Baker Named Washington Nationals Manager After They Cheap Out On Bud Black
Last Wednesday Bud Black agreed to become the Washington Nationals manager, with seemingly everything wrapped up and just the i’s to dot and the t’s to cross. It was such a done deal that the Washington Post was writing articles with headlines like “What’s next after the Nationals’ hiring of Bud Bla...
Mount Union Football Coaches Crush It As Pro Wrestlers For Halloween Practice
The Mount Union Purple Raiders are the best team in the history of Division III football, having won 23 straight conference titles and 11 of the past 22 national titles. One of their secrets of success, apparently, is lightening things up at practice. Enjoy the team’s coaches hamming it up as wrestl...
Timberwolves Play Heartrending Tribute To Flip Saunders Before Home Opener
The Minnesota Timberwolves host their first home game of the season tonight, and beforehand played a long and heartfelt tribute to Flip Saunders, who died of Hodgkin’s lymphoma a week ago. Saunders was the Timberwolves’ coach and president of basketball operations, but to residents of Minnesota, Fli...
Curt Schilling Is Just Going To Pretend He Didn't Say That Thing He Said
Sporadic baseball analyst Curt Schilling tuned in to Game 5 of the World Series last night, and he was really in favor of keeping Mets starter Matt Harvey in for the whole game, until he wasn’t. The progression of tweets is a fun ride....
John Brown And The Cardinals Despise Your Fantasy Team
Arizona wide receiver John Brown was questionable with a bum hamstring before he was declared active for yesterday’s game, a 34-20 win in Cleveland, but spent the game a-mouldering on the sideline. Who knows why he didn’t play? Bruce Arians spoke about discovering and developing his WR depth and dis...
Reggie Bush Is The Latest Victim Of The Rams' Concrete Ring Of Death
The 49ers believe Reggie Bush’s injury, suffered yesterday against the Rams, is a torn ACL, a season-ender. It’s a particularly frustrating one for Bush, who’s had trouble staying healthy throughout his career, because it had basically nothing to do with football. Bush was just the latest victim of ...
The Giants Lost In A Way No Team Has In Over 50 Years
The Saints and Giants disrespected the entire concept of defense in football Sunday as they combined for 101 total points in a 52-49 New Orleans win. Drew Brees threw seven passing touchdowns; Eli Manning threw six. Since only one team could win, the Giants ended up scoring the second-most points in...
Kobe Bryant: I Suck
Late-stage Kobe Bryant, while proven to be entertaining in his own particular way, is not a very effective basketball player. He was hilariously bad before tearing his rotator cuff last year, and he’s continued to be very bad through the first five games of this season. This fact is not lost on Kobe...
More Proof Gerard Deulofeu Is A Brilliant Lunatic
Here are some highlights from Everton vs. Sunderland, which ended 6-2 in favor of the Toffees thanks in large part to some astounding play from their absurdly gifted young winger, Gerard Deulofeu:...
David Cross Parodies "Know Your Rights" Videos With Keegan-Michael Key
In preview of David Cross and Bob Odenkirk’s new Netflix sketch series With Bob and David, they’ve released a clip which parodies the “Know Your Rights” videos. If you haven’t seen them, the series is a YouTube staple that features various ways with which to engage with law enforcement, and are ofte...