w Page 3672 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Steph Curry Has A Great Sports Baby
We like sports babies around here, because sports babies are cuter than regular babies. That’s a fact. So it is with great pleasure that we welcome Steph Curry’s daughter, Riley, into the ranks of the world’s great sports babies....
Why <i>Not</i> Allow Kickass Header Goals?
The best moment of last night’s triple-OT Blackhawks win didn’t even count. Andrew Shaw’s headbutt goal in the second overtime was waved off, quite possibly for being too awesome to process at 1 in the morning. Things worked out in the end for Chicago, but did we and future highlight reels really ne...
Blackhawks Top Ducks 3-2 In Triple OT
It isn’t the prettiest goal you’ll ever see—and it’s no head goal—but it did the trick just fine. Blackhawks forward Marcus Krüger punched the puck past Frederik Andersen 16 minutes and 12 seconds into the game’s third overtime; the longest game in the Chicago Blackhawks’s 89-year history. (It was o...
Zen Koans, As Brought To You By ESPN's Neil Everett
“It’s like the scarecrow in Oz, you get too close to the fire, eventually.. you’re going to get burned. Heh.”...
Potential Double OT-Winning Goal Disallowed For Being Too Awesome
Hockey players regularly play soccer in the locker room before games, and Blackhawks forward Andrew Shaw pulled his best Ronaldo impression when he headed in a goal that left the city of Chicago thinking they’d won Game 2 of the Western Conference Final in double overtime. But no! It turns out that’...
Old Man Jumps Off 500-Foot-High Bridge, Lights Parachute On Fire, Dies
Maybe 73-year-old BASE jumper James E. Hickey didn’t precisely want to die when he leapt off the 500-foot-high Perrine Bridge, in Twin Falls, Idaho, and lit his own goddamn parachute on fire. On the other hand, I think it is safe to say that jumping off of a 500-foot-high bridge and lighting one’s o...
NBA Writer Wants To Yank His Crank To Wolves Owner's Wife
For the second straight NBA draft lottery, the sports media couldn’t keep its collective dick in its collective pants. Last year, Bucks owner Wes Edens had his 18-year-old daughter, Mallory, represent the team at the lottery, and sportswriters jizzed all over their computer screens. This year there ...
Timberwolves Will Draft First, Knicks The Big Loser Of The Lottery
The NBA held the annual draft lottery Tuesday night, and as usual it provided drama in equal measures of hope and disappointment. This is the order teams will be picking in next month:...
Feds: Ironman Ran An Illegal Lottery And Made Millions
There have been a few ways to enter the Ironman World Championship in Hawaii: earn a slot, try the auction, get picked via the legacy program, or plunk down $50 to enter the Ironman Lottery. That last option made Ironman’s owner, the Tampa-based World Triathlon Corporation, a whole lot of money, acc...
Nick, The Cubs Threw Out Your Grandma’s Personalized Brick
Nick, my man, we have some bad news. Remember when your sweet grandma bought a commemorative brick to be placed outside of Wrigley Field, one that would stand as a testament to her love for you and the Cubbies forever? Well, the Cubs just made a sucker out of your sweet grandma, because they threw t...
A Perfect Picnic Beer For Fruit Realists
The Fruits of the Field are the very finest family of solid foodstuff, preferable even to the glorious Meats, Cheeses, and Processed Grains, and eons better than the mere Vegetables, Candies, and Gelatins. This is because fruits are generally attractive (even the meatiest among us will admit that a ...
ESPN's New Hire Says Global-Warming Fears Are "Intellectually Dishonest"
ESPN is a sports media conglomerate that largely, intentionally operates under the conceit that sports exist within a vacuum, untouched by the outside world except for instances in which the outside world intrudes on the sports universe. It’s a fallacious conceit, but it has some unintended positive...
How To Win Your First Week At A New Job
The nice thing about a new job is that it probably won’t start sucking immediately. It’ll be easy at first—kind of like the first week of class, where the only thing expected of you is your presence and appropriate clothing (anything beyond pajamas). But unlike the first week of school, your first w...
How To Watch James Harden, The Loathsome Genius
Hi, casual basketball fan! As you’re likely aware, the NBA’s conference finals begin tonight. In the Eastern Conference, the Atlanta Hawks will take on the Cleveland Cavaliers. In the West, the Golden State Warriors will face the Houston Rockets—and their star guard, James Harden....
Robert Kraft Will Not Appeal The Patriots' Penalties
Citing a desire to end this now, Patriots owner Bob Kraft announced that he will “reluctantly” accept the NFL’s penalties for Ballghazi: New England will pay its $1 million fine and lose two draft picks. ...
Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" Video Is Not A Feminist Manifesto
Taylor Swift, the ambassador of zero chill, spent nine days advertising the debut of her music video for “Bad Blood,” which finally aired during Sunday night’s Billboard Music Awards. The song is the worst track from her chart-topping album, 1989; the new version is redeemed only by an appearance fr...
Who Needs Hitting When You've Got Corey Kluber And Chris Sale?
Chris Sale and Corey Kluber pitched against each other last night, and they each turned in performances that lived up to the Best Pitching Matchup of The Week billing that games featuring two great starters always get but often fail to live up to. In fact, Kluber vs. Sale represented everything that...
The Dispute Between Robert Kraft And Roger Goodell Just Got Sexy
As the Patriots and NFL clandestinely negotiate a mutual agreement to avoid legal war, Adam Schefter hints that owner Robert Kraft and commissioner Roger Goodell are now back on good terms. Schefter comes to this conclusion because a source told him that Kraft and Goodell hung out on a couch and hug...
Report: The NFL Asked The Patriots To Make Themselves Look Guilty
And the Patriots complied! Ballghazi by this point is a stacked farce, where every new outrageous development only serves to obscure why we were supposed to be outraged in the first place. But one very paradoxical question still looms large: If the Patriots, as they maintain, shouldn’t be punished b...
The Ben Bishop Save That Brought Some Sanity To The Lightning's Win
So rarely does a four-goal game have such an obviously pivotal moment as did last night’s 6-2 Lightning win to even their series with the Rangers at a game apiece. Rather than the laugher the score suggests, it was, for most of its runtime, a tense, thrilling game: maybe the fastest and most wide-op...