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Your Saturday Open Thread Smorgasbord
Rangers-Devils Game 3 is in progress. Clippers-Spurs gets under way at 3:30 p.m. and baseball is always there. The Preakness will be later this evening and Oklahoma City-Lakers will carry us though the night. Enjoy....

Idiot Runs On Field In San Francisco, Tries To Scale Outfield Wall, Fails Miserably
It's time once again to feature the mentally challenged and/or substance-abuse-impaired knuckleheads who jump over the fence and run around on the field of play at sporting events. Today we find ourselves in lovely San Francisco as fans take in the Athletics-Giants game....

Youth Lax-ers Have Absurd Bench Clearing Brawl In Front Of Tens Of People
Here's a ridiculous lacrosse fight you might not have seen yet. Somewhere in Canada, youth Lacrosse Team A was getting destroyed by Lacrosse Team B and decided to send the message that it would no longer take Team B's shit....

Was Pat Burrell Dancing Shirtless In A Philly Bar Last Night?
That's the rumor out of Philadelphia this morning and we'd love to hear more information if you've got it. We'd especially love pictures. Delicious, shirtless (with possible blazer combo), dancing pictures....

Gangrenous, Flesh-Eating Penis Infection Results In Most Harrowing Paragraph Ever
I'm not sure if we can technically call this "Deadspin XY" anymore but just suspend your disbelief for a bit, it's the only way I can legitimize writing about it. Enrique Milla has sued an anesthesiologist in Miami for failing to recognize he was a surgical risk due to uncontrolled diabetes. What d...

High School Ace Strikes Out Five—<i>In One Inning</i>
La Crescent senior pitcher Eric Veglahn was already having a pretty solid game before he set a Minnesota state record by striking out five batters in the same inning last month. Heading into the seventh inning, Veglahn had eight strikeouts when he decided to try and double his tally in one inning....

Calvin Johnson Goes Yard At Comerica Park
Fine, it was during batting practice—if you want to get technical about it—but impressive nonetheless for the Lions freakishly talented wide receiver. According to Johnson his power display was no fluke, he was approached by the Reds while in high school before he committed to Georgia Tech and foot...

Which One's The Crackpot? Which One's The Lesbian? Know Your Rickettses, The Politically Active Cubs Owners
The newspaper headlines make it seem like the Chicago Cubs owner is up to no good. "Cubs Owner Ricketts' Anti-Obama Ad Proposal Risks Stadium Growth." "Report: Emanuel 'livid' with Cubs owner after soliciting Jeremiah Wright attack ad proposal." Sounds like this Mr. Ricketts has really vexed some fo...

LaDainian Tomlinson Is "95 Percent Retired"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: And five percent willing to come back for a ring....

This Is The Scorecard For What's Believed To Be The Lowest Round Of Golf Ever Played
Rhein Gibson, 26, of Australia shot a 16-under par 55 on Saturday at the River Oaks Golf Club in Edmond, Okla., a course he had played frequently when he attended Oklahoma Christian University. Just look at that card: 12 birdies, two eagles, no bogeys. A 29 on the front nine, a 26 after the turn....

Dead Letters: You Crossed A Major Line This Week, Canine Hitler
Subject: Racism and Pit Bulls...

"The Kings Have The Ball": More Hockey Coverage From Los Angeles
You do have to feel for FOX 11's newslady. Hockey highlights are tough if you've never watched a hockey game. Kopitar and Doughty aren't easy names to pronounce. But in the wake of another LA station's Kings ignorance, it's entirely possible that a team is going to win a Stanley Cup without anyone...

Oh Good, Curt Schilling's Company Is Going To Get More Help From The State
When last we left 38 Studios, Curt Schilling's beleaguered video games company, they had failed to pay their employees and bounced a loan repayment check to Rhode Island. Today they tried again, and they scraped together enough cash to cover their late $1.125 million payment—only with the help of a ...

Will Smith Has Left And Gone Away
When did you first realize that the Fresh Prince could legitimately act? Like, in the big leagues? For once in my life, I was on the early part of the curve; my college newspaper assigned me, a green freshman, a review of Six Degrees of Separation, John Guare's adaptation of his own play about a fan...

Here's Kerry Wood's Emotional Exit From Baseball, After One Final Strikeout
We reported earlier today Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood is retiring from baseball, but the oft-injured hurler promised to make one last appearance before hanging up his cleats. That appearance came today, and it was in a legitimate spot; down 3-2 in the eighth, Wood relieved starter Jeff Samardzija and pr...

Newspaper Reporter Fired For Leaving In Bit About "Coach's Bullshit And Laziness"
Wasn't that a fun time, when a reporter at a little Louisiana newspaper accidentally left in some dummy text that made it to print. Oh, we all had a guffaw or two, yes we did. But then we moved on....

Big 12, SEC Join Forces For Transparently Money-Grubbing New Year's Day Bowl
It's been a busy offseason for the Big 12 and the SEC. Both added two new teams to their conferences—the Big 12 replaced Texas A&M and Missouri, who defected to the SEC, with TCU and West Virginia—and their commissioners, Chuck Neinas and Mike Slive, shilled for the new four-team playoff that will f...

Idea For Disney Film About Pittsburgh Pirates: <em>Feces In The Outfield</em>
A sewer line underneath PNC Park clogged, presumably with semi-digested Primanti Bros. sandwiches and broken dreams. Workers had to dig a hole in the outfield to get at the pipes, and will presumably have it repaired before the Bucs return from a road trip and Andrew McCutchen plunges into a chest-d...

PR Guy Who Offered Exclusive Pics Of Some Player And His Super Bowl Ring Wants Us To "Get A Grip And Obviously A Life!!!"
Public relations wiz Jonathan Jaxson has responded to the treatment we gave his email pitch yesterday. First, he called us "Assholes!" in a tweet he has since taken down. Later, he sent me this email, presented here in its entirety:...

Ohio State Self-Reports 46 Violations, But Really, Who Gives A Shit?
The Cleveland Plain Dealer obtained a list of 46 secondary violations committed by Ohio State over the past 12 months, which they self-reported to the NCAA. They've posted all the documents, but here is a choice sampling:...