war Page 230 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hey, Aramis Ramirez Hit A Home—YeeeeeOW!
The high-five being replaced with the prostate-massage ... long, long, overdue. But if this Cubs winning streaks goes much longer, I shudder to think of what's going to start happening in that dugout. Bat boys are going to have to be replaced with jizzmoppers....
ESPN Would Like You To Know That Only Harold Reynolds Harasses People
Probably time to check in on that whole Woody Paige sexual harassment lawsuit business. Not that many new details have been released since yesterday, except that we've learned a bit more about Jay Crawford, amazingly. (Seriously, we didn't think they guy even knew how to read.) We did enjoy the foll...
Mark Cuban Is Suing Don Nelson For Knowing His Team
You know, it's possible that Mark Cuban isn't quite over his Mavericks' loss to the Warriors in the first round of the NBA Playoffs. How can we tell? Because he's actually suing Don Nelson for having "confidential information" and using it in the Warriors' victory. He's really doing this....
ESPN, Woody Paige Sued For Sexual Harassment
As if ESPN wasn't having enough troubles, word just broke: The network and Woody Paige are being sued by a former "Cold Pizza" makeup artist for sexual harassment. ("Fire him!") The juicy and terrifying details:...
Floyd Mayweather, A Heavy Spawner
Since he beat Oscar de la Hoya in the First Fight To End All Fights That Involved, In Fact, No Fighting, Floyd Mayweather has been making sure to enjoy himself. But it's all fun and games until you're served with a child-support suit at the BET Awards....
If Detroit Pitchers Played All Nine Positions ...
We have to agree with Bugs and Cranks: Seeing a truly awful defensive play in baseball is darned near as good as seeing a truly great one. The site's Lead Glove Awards are out, and once again we see Manny Ramirez in a place of honor. A couple of our favorite lines:...
Finally, We Can Love Women's Tennis Once Again (Gurgle) ...
So what, we have freaking robot children now, but we can't invent a female tennis player who is both super smoking hot and amazingly talented? Well that's just a load of ... wait. Ana Ivanovic? Could it be true?...
May We Have A Word, Please?
One of our favorite Steve Martin lines: "Some people have a way with words. Other people, er ... I don't know, not have way, I guess." From Houghton Mifflin comes the list of 100 essential words that every high school graduate should know, and we are very pleased to see two of our old favorites, "fe...
Down Goes Patel!
It's official, folks: Samir Patel, the perennial favorite who always just misses at the Spelling Bee, has just been eliminated from the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee. The word he missed was "clevis."...
Last Call For All Spelling Bee Bets!
The Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee — so lovingly run down by Mr. Daulerio — begins tomorrow, and, as always, the great minds at Throwing Things will be live-blogging the whole thing. Even though Mike and Mike are calling this thing, we still can't wait: The Spelling Bee remains one of our favo...
Don Nelson Will Get Back To You On Whether He Believes
As George Costanza famously noted, it's important to go out on a high note. If you tell a joke at a party and get a huge laugh, you excuse yourself and quit while you're ahead. Apparently subscribing to this philosophy, Warriors coach Don Nelson — having vanquished the invincible Mavericks with a te...
About Last Night ...
What you missed after the knitting accident ... • NHL: Over? Did you say over? Nothing's over until we decide it is! Sabres 3, Senators 2. • NBA: Not many people happy with David Stern right now. Spurs 88, Suns 85. • MLB: John Lackey is the wind beneath our wings. Angels 5, Mariners 0....
How Do You Spell "P-L-E-A-S-E L-O-R-D G-O-D S-T-O-P T-A-L-K-I-N-G?"
Sometimes we wonder if we are too hard on ESPN. Sure, collectively, they seem to have sucked the very life out of sports, packaging schtick and corporate pablum into a stew of impossible-to-digest soulless muck. (And, unlike the rest of us, they mix metaphors!) But they're still just individuals, ou...
Thanks For The Memories (At Least The Ones We Could Stay Up Late Enough For)
We salute the Golden State Warriors for the ride they've taken us on, but after last night's once-again-convincing 100-87 Jazz victory, they're the first team to be eliminated from the conference semifinals. And the Warriors fans are rather Zen about the whole thing....
Last Call For Bandwagonners
We've never been as offended by bandwagon fans as most people are. When Bill Murray started following around the Illini during their Final Four year, we didn't mind: It was Bill Murray, for crying out loud....
Apparently, The Warriors Can Lose At Home
In their their preview of the Suns-Spurs series, Free Darko, describing Stephen Jackson and the Golden State Warriors, wrote, "Stephen Jackson doesn't care because he has nothing to lose, and thus is invincible." For the first time, last night, his team looked like it cared, like it had a lot to los...
To Watch Tonight...
• 8:00, ESPN. MLB. Detroit Tigers @ Minnesota Twins. A guy named Boof should have a giant red afro, or a curly mustache or something. • 8:00, Comedy Central. Movie. Bad Santa. Underrated in my view, but cursing at children makes me laugh. Don't judge me. • 9:30, TNT. NBA Playoffs. Utah Jazz @ Golden...
Baron Davis Climbs Andrei Kirilenko
If you watch closely, you can see Andrei Kirilenko looking back at Baron Davis afterwards, as if to say, "You know, that really wasn't necessary." Even Adonal Foyle crinkled up his nose in a "Damn that was nasty," kind of a way. When Adonal Foyle acknowledges the nastiness, you know things just got ...
Wild Nights In Salt Lake City
Just Call Me Juice points out what we're all thinking but are afraid to admit: These NBA playoffs have been so much more entertaining than the NCAA Tournament. (Assuming, of course, you ignore the Eastern Conference.) Last night's wild overtime thriller, a mad hatter 127-117 Jazz win over the Warrio...