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![Tyler Clippard, Giant Jerk Animal Lover, Spits On Feeds Baby Ducks [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Tyler Clippard, Giant Jerk Animal Lover, Spits On Feeds Baby Ducks [UPDATE]
Reader Curtis took in the Nationals/Rockies game at Coors Field last night, another Rockies loss. As the game wound down he walked around the stadium only to come along a duck family that had wandered into the visitors' bullpen. Clippard purposefully walked between the ducklings and their parents,...

Joe Maddon Vs. Davey Johnson Is A Great Old Man Fight
"The most boring ejection in baseball history?" No way, man. Davey Johnson and Joe Maddon, two feisty and erudite managers representing the oldest of old and newest of new schools, have moved into their second day of sniping after Johnson alerted the umps to some pine tar on Joel Peralta's glove. Th...

A "Foreign Substance" On Joel Peralta's Glove Resulted In The Most Boring Ejection In Baseball History
Normally, when our esteemed umpires throw someone out of the game, it's done with a flair and excitement that fans of both sides can usually get behind. But when the umpiring crew in tonight's Nationals-Rays game discovered a "foreign substance" on the glove of Rays reliever Joel Peralta, the result...

Harry Reid To Reporter: "That's A Clown Question, Bro"
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is a Mormon from Nevada. So is Bryce Harper. He works in D.C. (where he was answering a question from Roll Call's Steven Dennis about some immigration stuff involving Mitch McConnell and Mitt Romney). So does Harper (who coined this phrase less than a week ago, al...

Steve Urkel Threw Out The First Pitch In Washington, D.C. Yesterday
The problem with playing such a well-known and ridiculous character is that you completely lose any kind of personal identity you had before playing that character. We all know his name is Jaleel White, but who would ever call him that?...

Bryce Harper To Prying Canadian Reporter: "That's A Clown Question, Bro"
Must be tough doing business in the Toronto press corps. The town’s favorite team is toast by February every year. You can do “Where Is Gary Roberts Now?” or “At Home With Nazem Kadri” only so many times. Sometimes you have to write about the Blue Jays and their opponents, and, yes, there are a fe...

David Segui Led A Parents' Uprising Against The Shady Coach At Bryce Harper's Junior College
Long before Bryce Harper injected D.C. with Natitude, he played for the College of Southern Nevada Coyotes. Harper was then the same athletic freak he is now. He left after one season because he was draft-eligible and the Nats offered a lot of money. But, according to sources quoted in the Las Veg...

The Phillies Had Extra Security In Right Field For Bryce Harper Last Night
Bryce Harper's main crime, since arriving in the big leagues, was his haircut, which was the most offensive thing not attached to a reliever's chin. Now that the haircut's gone, Harper's just a young, captivating, toolsy outfielder. Who should hate him?...

Stephen Strasburg and Some Other Guy Hit Back-To-Back Home Runs
Stephen Strasburg went yard this afternoon in the bottom of the fourth against the Baltimore Orioles. It came directly after Jesus Flores hit a home run making it back-to-back (and a belly-to-belly, some might say) home runs. It was Strasburg's first career home run....

The Padres And Nationals Were Ready To Resume Play, But Three Of The Umpires Were Nowhere To Be Found
Umpires often like to say they're doing their jobs when no one notices them. But Tony Randazzo, Alan Porter, and Larry Vanover weren't trying to prove themselves when they literally disappeared for a moment yesterday at Nationals Park....

Stephen Strasburg Got Icy Hot On His Balls Today
The Stras got knocked around in just four innings of work against San Diego today, and maybe you'd be tempted to write it off as a fluke. Sometimes a guy just has a bad day. But this is Stephen Strasburg, and nothing can make him mortal. Nothing besides, perhaps, burning testicles....

Bryce Harper Needed 10 Stitches After Hitting Himself In The Face With His Bat
The Nationals beat the Reds last night 7-3 so it was really only an afterthought that Bryce Harper beat himself 10-0. After grounding out to second in the seventh inning, "Harper whacked a wall down the tunnel from the Nationals dugout with his bat." The bat then Mike Emricked off the wall and hit ...

Mike Rizzo Is Done Talking About Cole Hamels, Unless You Ask Him Again
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Standing by....

The Story Of The 40 Phillies Fans Who Took A Bus To Nationals Park (And The 38 Who Returned)
There's a smoking section near the first-base gate of Nationals Park. On Saturday, it hosted a mixed batch of fans. You could tell who was whom by the lettering on their red-and-white gear....

Nats GM Says "Fake-Tough" Cole Hamels "Doesn't Know Who He's Dealing With"
Cole Hamels admitted late last night that he threw at Nats wunderkind Bryce Harper in the first inning of Sunday's game, and the fallout's coming fast and steady....

Cole Hamels Says He Threw At Bryce Harper
Phillies-Nats, earlier tonight: Cole Hamels drilled Bryce Harper with two outs in the first. Harper then stole home, so joke was on Cole. But none of that would matter much, since Nats starter Jordan Zimmermann buckled in the fourth, and the Phillies won 9-3....

Now Bryce Harper Has Started Stealing Home
As if the young man needed to do even more audacious things, Nationals rookie sensation Bryce Harper stole home during a Cole Hamels pickoff attempt in the first inning of tonight's game against the Phillies. Some balls this guy has! (That is just an assumption that as a professional baseball playe...

Bryce Harper Shows Off His Arm Cannon, Gets Screwed By Umpire
Recreational softball phenom Bryce Harper is making quite the impression on the DC fan base during his debut fortnight in The Show. (They're not really going to send him back down to AAA, are they?) First, it was making good with the locals during a softball game on the Mall, and in lieu of raking a...

Bryce Harper Played Softball Near The Washington Monument On His Day Off
Longtime Yankees fan Bryce Harper will soon be the king of Washington, DC, but he's up for a cup of coffee with the Nats while star third baseman Ryan Zimmerman sits on the DL. So, to get acclimated to his eventual home city, Harper decided to take in some of the local color today by crashing a lo...

Bryce Harper Has His First Major League Hit, Possibly Because Dodgers Fans Were Mooning Their Own Pitcher
Nationals rookie Bryce Harper doubled in his third MLB at-bat, giving him his first hit in the majors. More importantly, though, it happened as some fans behind home plate had their bare asses out and pointing toward the mound. Why? I don't know. Does it matter? No. [PRIME]...