watch Page 8 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Squirrel Watch: Friend Or Foe?
Following last week’s failed raccoon coup, it seems that the squirrels may have gotten some nutty ideas, too. Today’s edition of Squirrel Watch brings a confusing mix of romantic, vicious, and inscrutable deeds....
Politics Watch: How About A Chuckle?
Everything about politics and the world in general is pretty bad right now. Walk up to me and say the word “politics” and I’ll say to you, “No sir! No ma’am! I’d rather not!”...
Ron Rivera Would Appreciate If You Wouldn't Talk About Kelvin Benjamin Looking Fat
The only consistently good thing about the NFL training camp news cycle are stories about players who may or may not be fat. I wake up every morning in May and June thirsting for grainy or oddly angled photos of football players so that I may spend hours scrutinizing them in an attempt to reach a ve...
The Rock Is Totally Going To Run For President Against John Cena In 2024
This excerpt in Caity Weaver’s GQ profile of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson makes me believe that within a few years, he’ll at least run for office, if not president:...
Vital Cultural Activity Of Our Era Is Not Music But Rather Something I Still Participate In, Says Old Guy
“Food is the new music” is a good phrase to memorize for when you get too old to really go to a lot of concerts any more, because that shit happens very late at night....
Hog Watch: News About Hogs
Many people eat bacon but few regularly peruse the news for news about hogs. Until now. ...
Dog Watch: The Dogs Are Getting High
Have you heard? Your dog might have an affinity for the Devil’s lettuce. Don’t take it from me (or your dog, who can’t talk [if they can, please email a video to us]), take it from the paper of record....
What Time Does 'What Time Does The Superbowl Start?' Start?
The Super Bowl is allegedly this weekend, and reports indicate that the contest will be played in Houston between the Atlanta Falcons and New England Patriots. ...
You Won't Believe What Hipsters Are Doing Now (Or Maybe You Will—It's Ridiculous)
Hipsters: haven’t they settled down and gotten a real job by now? Actually, no—and wait until you hear the enraging trends they’re adopting now!...
I Spent Two Weeks As A True <i>Overwatch</i> Idiot<em></em>
Overwatch, they say, is about teamwork. They’re correct, but what they don’t tell you (because it should be obvious to anyone with a child’s understanding of how video games work) is that you shoot at your opponents, not your teammates. It would appear that I merely have an overgrown baby’s understa...
Christmas Watch: We Look Back On Christmas
Some would have you believe that Christmas is over. But is it? Yes. But how was it? ...
The Best Things We Watched In 2016
When we weren’t busy watching sports contests, we watched some things. Here are the best things we saw this year....
Christmas Watch: Right Now It's All About Christmas
It is almost Christmas time but what does it mean across America? Here is the news....
Animal Watch: Have Animals Escaped Our Control?
You can scarcely turn on the news these days without being confronted by the troubling question: What are animals doing now? ...
Report: Eddie Lacy Fat Again
Packers running back Eddie Lacy’s weight is under constant scrutiny by both his coaches and the media, and head coach Mike McCarthy has publicly pleaded with Lacy to lose weight in the past. Things were looking good this offseason when Lacy reported to camp in shape, but he seems to have backslid th...
A Regular Person’s Guide To Apple’s New Phones (And Other Useless Shit)<em></em>
Well, well, well. Apple, Inc., a cash-hoarding operation that occasionally does online strip shows, announced a new line of consumer electronics today. There are places to revel in the minutia of every last tech spec, but I promise that you are not interested in processors and megapixels nearly as m...
RIP To "Mr. Hockey" Dean Smith
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<i>Overwatch</i> Is Salvation For Washed-Up Gamers Like Me
It’s been years since I’ve been able to enjoy playing an online first-person shooter. Back when I was a younger, worse version of myself, I used to be really good at them. I played more Rogue Spear than I care admit as a teen, and even in college I was still good enough to hold my own against Call o...
Waiting For <i>Overwatch</i> Has Sent Fans To A Dark Place
Tomorrow a video game called Overwatch goes on sale. Thank God, because people who have eagerly been awaiting its release are starting to lose their minds....
Apple Released Some New Junk Today. Do You Need It?
I watched my first Apple keynote today. I enjoyed it, because it was a window into an amusing culture. But I did not see much that I wanted to throw money at, and you probably won’t either....