we Page 339 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Zlatan Kills Denmark On The Field, Then Torches Them With Sick Burn
This version of Zlatan Ibrahimović is older and worse than the one we loved and feared. Not that a little thing like age could keep him from stomping out Denmark on his way to qualifying for Euro 2016, and dancing over the body in an interview after....
Alleged Rape Reported At Home Of Nebraska Football Players
According to The World-Herald, police are investigating an alleged rape that took place at the home of two Nebraska football players, quarterback Tommy Armstrong and wide receiver Jordan Westerkamp....
Bougie Food Review: Maple Water
Water has gotten too complicated. It’s just two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom, clear and basically tasteless. It is nourishing and life-giving. It is perfect....
Reminder From Russell Westbrook: Don't Get It Twisted
The Celtics beat up on the Durant-less Thunder last night, and Marcus Smart had a better game than opposing point guard Russell Westbrook. After the game, one reporter asked Westbrook if Smart, being a big, physical guard, is a particularly tough matchup for him. Westbrook did not take kindly to thi...
A Square's Guide To Buying Sneakers
When I was a kid and lived on West 72nd Street in Manhattan, I wanted a pair of the original Air Jordans—the red and black ones that the NBA had banned for being too flashy or some shit. There was a mom-and-pop sneaker shop on the Upper West Side that showed them off in their windows, and I’d saliva...
The Giants Just Can't Seal The Deal
Of the New York Giants’ five losses this season, three of the opponents’ game-winning scores have come with a combined eight seconds left. Last night’s 27-26 New England win, one of the best football games of the year, required Tom Brady to use all but one second of the 1:47 the Giants gave him, and...
John Oliver Made An Honest Daily Fantasy Commercial
On last night’s episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver unveiled a daily fantasy ad that’s actually honest, for once....
Rugby Star Dan Carter Almost Played For The Patriots
New Zealander Dan Carter just won his third World Rugby Player of the Year award earlier in November, after his All Blacks defeated Australia 34-17 to win the Rugby World Cup. The 33-year old fly half retired from international play after the win, but he still plays professionally for French team Ra...
Godsmack Vocalist Taunts Seahawks Fans At Washington Show
Godsmack vocalist Salvatore “Sully” Erna is from Massachusetts, and he loves the Patriots. Surprising, right? At the band’s Nov. 4 show in Yakima, Wash., he acknowledged Seattle Seahawks fans in the crowd, and improvised a song about how the team sucks “big fuckin’ dick.”...
ESPN's Promo For Mavericks-Clippers Goofs On The DeAndre Jordan Saga
The late-night standoff/sleepover that wooed DeAndre Jordan away from the Mavericks and back onto the Clippers will forever be one of the funniest moments in sports. So I’m cool with this silly ESPN promo for tomorrow night’s game between the Mavericks and Clippers, because nobody should ever stop m...
Wes Welker Is Back And It Feels Terrible
By all accounts—his own, his teams’, and a top NFL-affiliated concussion specialist’s—Wes Welker is healthy and ready to play. St. Louis badly needs a receiver. Still, when the Rams announced they signed Welker to bolster their etiolated passing attack, my first reaction was disappointment. It’s a s...
Tonight In "What's Wayne Rooney Up To"
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Grimes Is A Very Awkward Pop Star, Which Makes <i>Art Angels </i>Way More Fun
The truth is that all sorts of weirdos get to be pop stars nowadays, and that should excite you whether you like pop stars or weirdos. Think Lana Del Rey, who has excellent rocket-launcher technique and makes profoundly soporific records that double as fainting couches. Think Fetty Wap, who has one ...
Chicken Nugget Smackdown: Wendy's vs. Burger King vs. McDonald's
Little kids can be cool, but there are a lot of obvious arguments against parenthood. Children are demonstrably shouty, snotty, and wobbly, and they are rumored to be very expensive to maintain. It has also been widely reported that children have poor taste in television. These are among the reasons...
John Oliver Gleefully Recaps Dan Snyder's "DICK BALLS" Legal Filing
We noted earlier this week a comically vulgar legal defense levied by NFL owner Dan Snyder to retain the “Washington Redskins” trademark, and HBO comic John Oliver covered the topic on his Last Week Tonight program. The organization’s point becomes even more clear when spoken out loud; Dan Snyder wa...
The Detroit Lions Are An Even Sadder Franchise Than You Thought
The Detroit Lions expected to be a playoff team this year. Instead, they’re 1-7, and today owner Martha Ford began assessing blame for their failure, firing GM Martin Mayhew and president Tom Lewand. The Lions coaching staff, including head coach Jim Caldwell, is reportedly safe. ...
<i>Houston Chronicle</i> Accidentally Burns Urban Meyer, Apologizes
Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer took a dig at Alabama today when he disclosed the name of his team’s field goal return play. (It’s a reference to the 2013 Iron Bowl, in which the Crimson Tide found a way to fuck up a tie game with one second left in regulation, you see.) One employee at the Housto...
Twitter Favorites Had To Die So That Twitter Could Live
Today, Twitter turned all your faves into likes, swapping out a star for a heart. This represents a huge and important paradigm shift in the world of technology and culture at large. Haha, okay. You got me! None of this shit matters. None of it! Or not to you, anyway....
Has An American President Ever Watched Porn In The Oval Office?
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