whimsy Page 82 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Anti-Favre Debate Is Nothing But A Straw Man
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
The Drunken Jellyfish Bandit Begins His Reign Of Terror
An intoxicated Florida beachgoer was arrested after pretending to drown in order to lure in would-be rescuers, only to hurl jellyfish at them when they approached. That's the greatest sentence I've ever written. [St. Pete Times]...
Look Who Can Finally Afford A Mac
Viewers were shocked and appalled to see the YES Network cameras focus on Emeritus looking like a real grown-up reporter during tonight's Yankee game. One reader described his performance as "surly." [H/T Matthew and Kevin]...
Todd Marinovich's Half-Brother Would Like to Show You His Pistols
In his debut for Syracuse this afternoon, QB Greg Paulus threw a fatal interception in OT that cost his team the game. Luckily for the Orange, they've got a couple of spare guns on their defensive line....
SEIUbermetrics
"In a comparison between [MLB] teams with home stadiums that use Aramark and teams with home stadiums that do not, Workers United found that non-Aramark teams' average luck is .40 and Aramark teams' average luck is -1.93." [Workers United]...
A Small Way To Liven Up Any Fantasy Draft
You might've missed this fantasy football draft over the weekend, and it's your loss. Like many, it took place in a hotel room. But unlike most, it featured those two magic little words: midget strippers....
Plague Of Insects Descends Upon Scott Boras' Angel Stadium Suite
"The bees occupied his front-row seats directly behind home plate for the first two innings. They were removed with the help of a vacuum during the third inning." And then, lo, the Lord hardened the superagent's heart. [AP]...
And This Is How Ketchup Is Made
It's the annual Tomatina, when Spanish revelers congregate and, well, throw tomatoes at each other. It looks as fruity as it sounds, but at least you'll look bloodier than you would running with the bulls. [WSJ Genius]...
The Most Brilliant Thing You'll See All Night
This is a couple weeks old, but well worth the wait. Let's make this girl a star....
Best Running Back On The Planet Shows Off Quzzical Dead Duck Face
Adrian Peterson pops up in a photo gallery on Gobbler Country and shows the world that he can also be cruel to animals. Beware the crazed duck lovers converging upon Minnesota to display their outrage. [GC via SB]...
Deadspin I-Team: Who Is Rick Reilly's Virtual Bodyguard?
Avid readers of Rick Reilly®'s Wikipedia entry might've noticed a recent change: It is now, in every sense of the word, toothless....
Aural Secs: Bolt's 9.58 Explained With Music
How fast is 9.58 seconds? Watch this video. I think you'll understand....
The Bike-Mounted Alligator Is The Bayou's Apex Predator
A Louisiana man was arrested after bicycling down the street with an alligator slung over his shoulder. "We don't know what his intentions were," said Capt. Pat Yoes. Once again proving that all regional stereotypes are always true. [Times-Picayune]...
Rick Dempsey To Make A Baseball Movie We <i>Really</i> Want To See
Columbia Pictures put Moneyball in turnaround, but former Orioles goofball Rick Dempsey has just sold them a script that sounds infinitely more entertaining than sweaty stat geeks. It's the true story of Dempsey's little league coach....who also robbed banks....
T-Pain (and Auto-Tune) Makes Dolphins Fight Song Slightly Less Terrible
Miami has long relied on terrible music to rally their football team, but this is the 21st Century, so they hired T-Pain to hip-hopify their fight song by 20% or so. The kids love this stuff....
Sweat Your Balls Off For Fun And Profit
It's the World Sauna Championship, where 3 minutes 46 seconds was enough to take the gold. Also, enough pictures of Moobs to last you a year. [Daily Mail]...
Deadspin I-Team: The Drill That Dare Not Speak Its Name
The Dallas Morning News has one of those quirky-training-regimen stories today that bloom annually during NFL training camp and which usually involve yoga or interpretive dance or whatever. This one, however, is about an unprintably named tire-flipping drill. I-Team, assemble!...
Rudy Gay Loves His Hamburgers
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Moneyballhawking: Happy Youngster And Friends Go All Sabermetricky
This web site right here is where the dorkwads of ballhawking and the geekwads of baseball stats meet and do a Vulcan salute. There's enough nerdiness here to power 10 Strat-O-Matic leagues and a new season of Battlestar Galactica....