wins Page 71 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

So, What's Mrs. Tom Brady Doing With This Guy Who Isn't Mr. Tom Brady? (With Update!)
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Twins Joined The "Humiliating Rookie Costume" Parade
September call-ups are probably the best thing about the waning days of the MLB season, whether you're a contender or a basement dweller. It's all thanks to the time-honored tradition of humiliating the rookies....

Here Is What Connor Barwin's Dislocated Ankle Looked Like
Texans coach Gary Kubiak has the details: "They're trying to get the pain under control right now. Obviously, we'll have to fix it, but I don't know when, so I'll let you know. That's a tough loss." OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. [Yahoo!Sports]...

Big Yankees Fan, Manipulating His Inner Pee Wee Herman, Makes New Video
Michael LaPayower wins Chevy Fan of the Year (for August)! Michael LaPayower wins Chevy Fan of Year (for August)!...

White Sox Beat Writer Goes Nuts On Minnesota
Sun-Times reporter Joe Cowley is a homer in a city of media homers. But his Twitterrhea explosion last night against the Twins and their fans was something else. Stereotypes about being ugly? Calling players jag-offs? Mocking the dead? Check, check and double-check....

Concussions Killed Lou Gehrig, Killing NFL Players
The drumbeat to address concussions in football just grew a little louder, with a new study that links brain trauma to a very ALS-like disease. Lou Gehrig himself may have contracted his namesake disease that very way....

Chris Chambers, Chris Chambers' Stalker Have Been Pronounced Husband and Wife
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter’s anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Craigslist Satisfies Your Minnesota Twins Jockstrap Fetish Needs
Someone claiming to be a Minnesota locker room attendant is offering jockstraps from "handsome players," including Joe Mauer and Kevin Slowey. For an extra few bucks, he won't throw in Ron Gardenhire's. [Craigslist]...

When Mutton Bustin' Goes Horribly Wrong
Derekscott "Bubba" Kirby is like all small children in the Southwest: he's a mutton buster. However, unlike most mutton busters, little Derekscott is infected with E. coli....

Win The Game, Carl Pavano's Gonna Fist Your Anus. That's Just The Way Life Goes.
Delmon Young's single capped a four-run ninth, and set off a celebration the likes of which his colon had never seen. Also, this is pretty much the perfect metaphor for what Carl Pavano did to the Yankees for four years....

A Gallery Of Happy Spaniards Yelling And Burning Stuff (UPDATES)
Spain won the World Cup yesterday, and as with every place ever that has won a large sporting event, the fans there took to the streets with an assortment of alcohol, chanting, pyrotechnics, and team-colors-wearing....

Angry Sheep Still Trampling Our Nation's Children
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Deadspin Classic: A Children's Treasury Of Men Getting Blasted In The Face With Champagne
We at Deadspin research spent a solid day compiling these photos, and hardly any of you stopped to admire our work the first time around. So you know what? Here they are again, like a cold blast of liquid to the face....

Here's Video Of Landon Donovan's Winner (Music-Free Update)
In the 91st minute of a 0-0 draw, after a great throw by Tim Howard, Landon Donovan led the attack downfield, culminating in a put back goal by Landycakes himself. Just like that, the USMNT's stay in South Africa was extended....

Jim Nantz Honors Justin Rose With Emotional Reading Of Bette Midler Classic
Justin Rose got his first PGA tour victory over the weekend at the Memorial tournament, which allowed Jim Nantz to reach deep into his back catalog of allusions. This week: Hocus Pocus chanteuse Bette Midler....

Target Field Squirrel Delays Game, Attacks Infielder
The Twins game was stopped in the fourth inning, as an errant squirrel made his way to the field. Brendan Harris nearly met his death, with nasty, big, pointy teeth....

MLB.com Has Their Dewey Defeats Truman Moment, Then Doesn't
For far too long yesterday (read: at all), MLB.com had a game story up about the Twins easily handling the Brewers, 6-2. Meanwhile, the actual game was still in extra innings, tied at 7....

Target Field's Urinal Problem
The early reviews for the Twins' new ballpark have been almost unanimous in their praise — almost. The lines outside the men's restrooms have been long, even longer than the women's. This makes no sense. We need answers....

The Biggest Supporters Around
To conclude one of the boobsiest days in Deadspin history, here's this picture of some strategically placed fans/cameramen at last night's Thunder-Jazz and Penguins-Capitals trackmeets. Mutton wins again. H/t Eric and Patrick....
