with Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Deaf Minnesotans Probably Equate High-School Football Preseason With Caligulan Rabbit Breeding
Scott Seroka of KARE 11 News in Minneapolis just wanted to tease a back-to-school angle about local high-school football teams returning to two-a-day practices the following week. Closed captioning for the hearing impaired took it from there and added some sexual seasoning....
Fox Has Some Odd Advice For What Cole Hamels Should Do On The Pitchers Mound Today
In all likelihood, Kenny Albert probably wishes his broadcast-booth script just said, "Throw a curve" instead of the "drop a deuce" line he just uttered on air....
Pro-Owner Lockout Site Returns To The Underworld, To Wake Again In A Decade
Today, a new NFL collective bargaining agreement was finalized and quickly ratified by player vote, officially ending the NFL lockout. It's a banner day for fans, but a sad day for NFLLabor.com, the official state mouthpiece of the league....
Will ESPN's Coverage Of Northwestern's Dan Persa Convince ESPN To Cover Dan Persa? ESPN Investigates
This is a story on ESPN.com about a Heisman marketing campaign launched by Northwestern on behalf of quarterback Dan Persa. The school has purchased billboard space not in Times Square but in Bristol, Conn., near ESPN headquarters. "Northwestern," writes ESPN's Adam Rittenberg on ESPN.com, "is hopin...
This Is What It's Like To Sit Near Big Yankees Fan Michael LaPayower In The Bronx
When Jake Bertanza went to last night's Yankees game, he might have expected that CC Sabathia would pitch a lovely game, but he certainly could not have known he'd end up sitting a few seats away from Michael "Big Yankees Fan" LaPayower and his videographer brother....
Fan Who Wore That LeBron Heat Jersey To An Indians Game Last Summer In Serious Condition After Attack
"Matthew Bellamy was attacked at about 3 a.m. Monday in the 2000 block of Oldgate Road, Sandusky police said. Witnesses told police that Bellamy, 30, didn't fight back when Robert Horton, 23, jumped out of a car and hit him three times." [Sandusky Register]...
Brian Orakpo Is A Company Man, Although He Probably Shouldn't Be
Brian Orakpo can't quite find the words he's looking for. But the words he did give us help explain why the players didn't get more in the just-ended labor standoff....
To Hell With Turkish Basketball, Kevin Love Wants To Play Beach Volleyball For Jose Cuervo
While most locked out NBA players eye basketball opportunities overseas, one man stands apart as a true patriot. His name is Kevin Love. And Kevin Love loves America. Or, rather, Kevin Love loves NAFTA. According to Darren Rovell, Love has signed an endorsement deal with the Jose Cuervo tequileria a...
The NBA May Be Locked Out But Kevin Durant And James Harden Offer You This Solid Highlight Anyway
Granted, the Philippine Basketball Association All-Stars are to modern NBA players what the Angolan Olympic Team was to Charles Barkley and the '92 Dream Team. This off-the-backboard oop from Kevin Durant to James Harden during today's exhibition in Manila bears notice, as does the fact that the P...
Everybody Feared The Worst When Old Man Brent Musburger Went Rogue In Vegas For A Spell
Your morning roundup for July 23, the day after we learned that high-school tennis coaches really might want to stay away from strip-club ownership....
Chris Kluwe Responds: Can I Kick It? (Yes, I Can)
Dear Nate Jackson,...
NFL Network "Obtained" NFLPA Email To Players, Says Story On NFL.com
All that giddy chatter about the NFL lockout possibly ending tonight? Yeah, you can just forget all about that. Here are the top three paragraphs in a story appearing on NFL.com under the headline, "NFLPA expresses displeasure with league in email to player reps" ......
End Of Two-A-Days: The Players Win An Early Labor Battle
It's being framed as Bart Scott playing the contrarian, but that's burying the lede. The real story is the elimination of two-a-day practices in training camp, a change midwifed during these climactic lockout negotiations....
Your Guide To The Post-Lockout NFL World
The NFL lockout is supposed to end this week, possibly as early as today. And Lord help me, IT BETTER, or else I will personally void my bowels on Logan Mankins's head....
Buffalo Bills WR Celebrates His Birthday With A Cake That Looks Like His Ladyfriend's Ass
Writes tipster Mark S., "Buffalo Bills WR Stevie Johnson is a strange soul. Blaming god for a dropped ball in November, and now a nice big booty birthday cake."...
Here's Ndamukong Suh Dancing To Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold"
When we last checked in on Ndamukong Suh, he was eating himself. Now he's tweeting himself dancing to "Hot n Cold." This is his first and likely last Katy-Perry-inspired video, as the lockout looks close to over and he'd have to get a permit to strap fireworks to his chest in Michigan. [Complex]...
You Can Say "Circumcising Mosquitoes" On <em>PTI</em>, But You Can't Say It Thrice
The gentlemen on Pardon The Interruption exceeded the quota for the amount of times one can say some variation of the phrase "circumcising mosquitoes" on live television today. Cowlishaw, quoting (and imitating) Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, gets in two mentions, but Wilbon never gets his chance. The...
World Peace And Breast Milk: An Evening With Ron Artest, Funny Man
In late August, after a review by the Los Angeles Superior Court, Ron Artest will legally change his name to Metta World Peace. His basketball jersey will say "WORLD PEACE." "With a space and everything," his publicist said....
Chris Kluwe's 'Downfall' Parody Has Hitler Calling Lockout Negotiators "Lazy Shitfucks"
Downfall parodies seem like they're somehow older than the internet by now. But when one is made by an actual NFL player, we're willing to listen. And Vikings punter Chris Kluwe does a pretty good job of capturing what we're all feeling about the lockout these days....
Aaron Rodgers Does Not Think You Should Drive Drunk Or Uninformed About Car Insurance
Super Bowl XLV MVP Aaron Rodgers has spent a portion of his locked-out off-season in the company of David Gruber, a personal-injury attorney whose office number includes the word "HURT." Together, they've filmed a pair of commercials, the first of which urges Wisconsinites to enjoy "fun, festivals...