x Page 1066 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jon Kitna Was Sacked For Your Sins
You just knew that when God finally made his presence known to mankind, it would be to heal a journeyman NFL quarterback's minor head injury. So you Iraqi kids with missing limbs, you're just going to have to wait your turn. Jon Kitna's got to take care of business!...
Things Change
The 1962 New York Mets lost 120 games and finished 60 1/2 games out of first, a result which could not have been worse if Lucy Van Pelt had played in their outfield. But the current Mets have accomplished something that their '62 brothers never did: They have made 10 errors in their past two games....
Yes, We Do Acknowledge The WNBA Champions
We have a firm rule around these parts: When a team wins the championship of a national professional sports league that shows up on national telecasts, they get a congratulatory post....
One Sweet Afternoon For Jim Thome
If you ask me, Jim Thome is exactly the kind of guy to whom Willy Wonka would have left his chocolate factory. (I also sometimes imagine Bob Costas as an Oompa Loompa). Think of baseball with no cattle steroids or corked bats or "You dead, dawg," or Human Growth Hormone or Jose Canseco book signings...
Honey, I Shrunk The AL East Lead
Here we go again ... The Yankees honey mustered six runs in the eighth, immediately erasing a five-run deficit, en route to an 8-7 victory over the Sox at Fenway. Jason Giambi and Robinson Cano started the comeback with home runs off Hideki Okajima. Derek Jeter followed with an RBI single against Jo...
Boxing Just Wants To Host Keggers
Boxing's popularity might be on the wane, to say the least (among white people, anyway), but Roy Jones Jr. is not afraid to be innovative. He's searching everywhere for an untapped base of fans, and he's even willing to join a frat to do it....
It's Time for Sunday Night Football in U.S. America (This Time on Sunday!)
After getting through Thursday night's season kick-off with John Madden only drawing one penis on the screen, Eli Manning is hoping he'll pick up the slack for this evening's tilt, as Manning's Giants travel to Texas Stadium to wage battle in a manner most NFC East with the Cowboys....
Herm Edwards, 0-1, The Way God Intended
I think we were pretty sure that Cleveland wouldn't rock this year, and New England smashing the Jets this year shouldn't really surprise anybody. And even Minnesota blowing out a Harrington-led Falcon team shouldn't raise too many eyebrows... ...
Some First Half Updates...Quickly
Since all of us PC folk are now watching these games via streaming video, these updates are just for you Mac people. But, hey, Jeff Goldblum still thinks, uh, that you're, ah, a great guy-ee!...
May Pete Rose Live Long And Die Out
Perhaps you've heard of the new book The World Without Us, Alan Weisman's blow-by-blow account of what would happen on Earth if all human beings suddenly disappeared. But if you think this book is just some environmentalist's wet dream, you're wrong. Dead wrong. People, I give you The Voluntary Huma...
Hugh II: The Nedessey Continues... Part 1
On 2nd and goal w/ 20 seconds to go and one timeout, Marshall's head coach elects to center the ball and kick a FG rather than go for the touchdown. Who knew Pam Ward's vagina was contagious? -Insomniac's Lounge...
Theo Epstein Is A Robot And Will Eventually Enslave Us All
In another chapter in our repeated quest to understand the quixotic planet of Red Sox Nation, we delve down the rabbit hole of the saga of Clay Buchholz....
It's The AFC South Pants Party
Come on, somebody ... don't pick the Colts. We dare ya. Some picks! • AJ Daulerio: Colts, Titans, Jaguars, Texans. • Kissing Suzy Kolber: Colts, Jaguars, Texans, Titans. • Robert Weintraub, Slate: Colts, Jaguars, Titans, Texans. • Matt Pitzer, USA Today: Colts, Titans, Texans, Jaguars. • Aaron Sc...
Just Two Hours Left To Buy GREAT ART
We really don't know any other way to put this: You can currently buy a painting of Michael Vick riding Barbaro. Worlds collide, combine and explode....
A-Rod Will Keep Hitting Them Out As Long As You Keep Teeing Them Up
The two-home-runs-in-one-inning phenomenon, usually found only in Little League and the softball game at your company picnic, appeared at Yankee Sradium on Wednesday in the form of a limping, self-satisfied Alex Rodriguez. The two clouts in an eight-run seventh led New York over Seattle 10-2, effect...