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Thomas Müller Sent Off For Karate-Kicking Opponent Upside The Head Like A True Maniac
Bayern Munich will advance into the Champions League knockout rounds atop their group after a wild draw with Ajax today that saw two red cards within eight minutes of each other and four goals after the 82nd minute. Bayern had to score their equalizing and go-ahead goals without Thomas Müller on the...

Suns Owner Robert Sarver Threatens To Move The Team If He Can't Bully Phoenix Out Of More Money
This afternoon, the Phoenix City Council is set to vote on a mysterious bill that would authorize $150 million in funding for extensive renovations to the Phoenix Suns’ arena, which was most recently remodeled in 2003. The plan was apparently unveiled less than a week ago; it involves the city payin...

Conservative Gays Need To Shut The Fuck Up
On Tuesday, conservative rag The Federalist—a website perhaps best known for its endorsement of statutory rape and its former use of a “Black Crime” tag—published an opinion blog by a gay guy named Chad Felix Greene titled “The Stigma Against My Conservative Politics Is Worse Than The Stigma Of Bein...

It's Pretty Messed Up That The Red Sox Might Be Shedding Payroll
The championship window is rarely open as long as you’d like or expect it to be—just ask the 2014 Red Sox. And the current defending World Series champs can see it coming. In the next two to three years, Boston is going to have to worry about the following players hitting the open market: Chris Sale...

Report: White Sox Acquire Starting Pitcher
MLB’s hot stove continues to burn the fingerprints off those who touch it, and the Chicago White Sox are somewhere in its vicinity, holding their palms up to try to warm up a little bit. The latest news out of the winter meetings, broken by The Athletic’s Ken Rosenthal and his associate Robert Murra...

Arbitrator Lifts Ban On Taekwondo Star Steven Lopez After Woman Who Accused Him Of Sexual Abuse Declines To Testify
Three-time Olympic taekwondo medalist Steven Lopez, whom the U.S. Center for SafeSport declared permanently ineligible because of “sexual misconduct involving a minor” in September, has been reinstated following an arbitration hearing, reports USA Today....

Can Seattle's NHL Team Recapture Vegas's Magic?
Seattle was officially awarded the 32nd NHL franchise last week, the culmination of a years-long process that absolutely everyone knew was leading to exactly this outcome. The announcement came one year to the day after Seattle voted to upgrade KeyArena, at which point the NHL’s decision became a me...

Bulls Rudely Mocked For Jim Boylen's Practice Schedule Following Another Ugly Loss
Fresh off an air-clearing series of meetings having to do with interim head coach Jim Boylen being an overbearing dickweed, the lowly Bulls took the floor Monday night looking to reverse course after a historic beatdown. Their opponent, the Kings, is another team that was supposed to spend this seas...

Reports: Tenshin Nasukawa To Box American In Exhibition Match
According to reports, Japanese kickboxing prodigy Tenshin Nasukawa will be crossing over into another sport on New Year’s Eve, engaging in an exhibition match with a boxer at a Rizin card after weeks of back and forth over the promotional details. MMAFighting reporter Marc Raimondi has information a...

The Suns Are Melting Down
The Phoenix Suns were never expected to resolve into a good team this year, but they at least seemed ready to play some fun, occasionally winning basketball. Devin Booker was all set to continue his ascent and become one of the best pure scorers in the league, Trevor Ariza was there to provide some ...

Reports: Alex Smith's Leg Surgery Led To Serious Infection
It’s been nearly two weeks since Washington quarterback Alex Smith had emergency surgery after breaking his tibia and fibula in a game against the Texans. Smith had his surgery on Nov. 18, and now it’s been revealed that complications from that surgery have left him fighting an infection and that he...

George H.W. Bush Happily Watching From Heaven As Houston Gets XFL Team, Says Dope<em></em>
In a press conference on Tuesday afternoon, commissioner and chief executive of the XFL Oliver Luck announced the eight cities and venues that would serve as home sites for the league’s inaugural season in 2020: Dallas (Globe Life Park), Houston (TDECU Stadium), Los Angeles (StubHub Center), New Yor...

De'Aaron Fox Gets In On The NBA's Shammgod Epidemic
The Shammgod is everywhere, and not always where you’d expect it, either. First there was Russell Westbrook hitting a clean Shammgod in the clutch, then instantly re-enacting it. Then there was Omri Casspi shuffling through a dad-like rendition, though he seemed to tweak something and went on to mis...

White Sox Attempt To Impress Bryce Harper By Introducing Him To Cleveland Indians Legend Jim Thome
The offseason recruitment of marquee free agent Bryce Harper by the handful of MLB teams that are actually trying to be good has begun in earnest, and Jeff Passan has a report detailing a few teams’ strategies for enticing the 26-year-old former MVP. It’s going to take a shitload of money to sign Ha...

Monday Night’s Best Football Game Was Between Mascots
Philadelphia has a lot of new mascots. This year alone we’ve met Gritty, Phang, Wingston. Franklin is only three years old. Last night at halftime, the Eagles had a pro vs. college mascots football game and it was great. You can watch the whole thing here, or follow down below as I break down some o...

The NHL Is Coming To Seattle
Following a unanimous vote from the league’s board of governors on Tuesday morning, the NHL has approved an expansion franchise for the city of Seattle, set to play in a renovated KeyArena. According to TSN, the team will begin play in the 2021-22 season....

Red Sox Will Visit White House
Because this is now a legitimate question after every championship, it was news Monday night when the Boston Red Sox announced they have accepted an invitation to visit President Trump at the White House. When it is and who will attend are still up in the air—J.D. Martinez must be psyched, but you c...

The Mariners Have Pulled The Plug
After a couple of trades in the past 24 hours or so, the Seattle Mariners officially suck again, and they don’t even have fond memories of recent playoff runs to keep them warm over what promises to be several years worth of rebuilding. A run of aggressive, win-now spending—or, anyway, intermittent ...

The Texans' Reported Keys To Success Are So Stupid
In his Monday Morning Quarterback column, Sports Illustrated’s Albert Breer delivered this scoop about the Houston Texans, who have won their last nine games after starting the season 0-3:...

Tyson Fury Would Not Stay Down, Fights To A Draw With Deontay Wilder In Heavyweight Championship
Deontay Wilder knocked Tyson Fury down twice in last night’s heavyweight world championship fight in Los Angeles, including a devastating 12th-round blow that looked like it would give the undefeated Wilder his 40th knockout in 41 fights. But as the American celebrated, Fury—who had outboxed Wilder ...