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Do Not Root For The Goddamn Patriots
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here....

The Suns Are The Fly In The Western Conference's Ointment
The Suns whacked the Wizards, 106-98, last night in Phoenix. The game was never as competitive as the final score makes it look: The Wizards were playing their fourth game in four cities in five nights, and looked like it; the Suns hadn't played since Sunday, and looked like it. The Suns are 27-20...

Lynch To Media: "If Y'all Ain't Mad At Me, Then What Y'all Here For?"
Marshawn Lynch had to make his final Super Bowl week media appearance today, and unlike his previous two press conferences, he came with a direct message for writers and reporters....

Screencap Classix: We're All Disgusted
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....

Report: Markieff And Marcus Morris Under Investigation For Assault
According to CBS 5 News, Phoenix Suns twins Marcus and Markieff Morris are being investigated by Phoenix police for their role in an alleged assault that occurred Saturday outside of a gym. Details are scant, but CBS 5 News says the twins are "being looked at as suspects in the crime." The Morrise...

Watch Marshawn Lynch Frustrate Adult Reporters By Not Talking
Marshawn Lynch had to sit through another five-minute session with the media today. As expected, he didn't have anything to say—"You know why I'm here" was his go-to answer for the day—and oh man did that get under the skin of the grown men who, for some reason, continue to ask him questions....

Dumbass Mad At Marshawn Lynch For Giving Him Column Fodder
Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch gave the same answer to every question he received at Super Bowl Media Day, and Philadelphia Daily News columnist Marcus Hayes got upset about it—so upset, in fact, that he used Lynch's anti-media performance as a topic for his latest column. ...

Mayweather And Pacquiao Meet For The First Time
It seems incredible that for all their ducking and dodging and posturing and close calls, Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao had never met face-to-face before last night. But with both sitting courtside at the Miami Heat game—directly opposite each other, as it worked out—the two wandered over at h...

What Are Bill Belichick's Other Horcruxes?
Seeing as how Lord Belichick inadvertently revealed the nature of one of his Horcruxes today, we thought now would be a good time to try and figure out what items house the other six pieces of his sundered soul. These are our guesses, and please feel free to share your own in the comments....

Watch Marshawn Lynch Give The Same Answer 25 Times At Media Day
Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch made an appearance at Super Bowl Media Day today so as to avoid getting fined. In the video above, you can see him respond to 25 straight questions with the same answer, "I'm here so I won't get fined."...

One-Seventh Of Bill Belichick's Soul Likely Hidden In Monkey Puppet
During his Media Day session, Bill Belichick received a question that was actually valuable from Patriots linebacker Jerod Mayo's daughter. She asked him what his favorite stuffed animal was, and Belichick hit her with this:...

Rob Gronkowski Reads Gronk Erotica Out Loud At Super Bowl Media Day
Thanks to the half-serious circus that is Super Bowl Media Day, someone persuaded extremely tall fifth-grader Rob Gronkowski into reading a line from A Gronking To Remember, the Gronk-themed erotica that surfaced on Amazon earlier this month....

Boxer Jermain Taylor Ordered To Undergo Mental Evaluation
Middleweight boxer Jermain Taylor, the current IBF middleweight champion, has been ordered to undergo an evaluation at a state mental hospital by an Arkansas judge, according to the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. This order comes on the heels of two sets of criminal charges being brought against Taylor,...

The Patriots' Hotel's Fire Alarm Went Off Last Night
The Patriots' first night in Arizona was not a restful one; after getting in and doing their press conferences (including a particularly impassioned one from Bob Kraft), the team turned in—only to be woken up by a blaring fire alarm at around 1:30 local time....

Brandon Browner Says Injured Seahawks Are Targets
Patriots corner Brandon Browner—who spent the previous three seasons with the Seahawks—was not shy about his belief that New England needs to target his banged-up former teammates. Speaking to ESPN, Browner specifically referenced Richard Sherman's sprained elbow and Earl Thomas's separated shoulder...

Arizona Man Loses Super Bowl Gig After Posting Credential On Facebook
Former DJ Russ Knight was picked to work Super Bowl XLIX in Phoenix as an assistant frequency coordinator. He was so excited that he Facebooked a photo of himself pointing at the credential around his neck. That picture cost Knight his job before he could even start it....


Please Laugh At This Soccer Team Struggling To Win A Fixed Game
Late on in this match in the Albanian Superliga, Flamurtari found itself tied with Teuta, 1-1. In a non-fixed game, you'd expect Teuta to protect their goal and maybe push on for the winner. Instead, we see the shameless display above, with Teuta all but begging their opponents to score, and Flamurt...

Robert Allenby Spent $3,400 At A Strip Club On Night Of Alleged Attack
GolfChannel.com has managed to piece together a few more bits of information from the night pro golfer Robert Allenby claims he was kidnapped, beaten, and robbed in Honolulu, Hawaii. Allenby's story has been springing leaks almost from the moment it became public, and GolfChannel.com has just poked ...

How To Bake Bay Scallops, And Prove That Size Isn't Everything
Seems like bay scallops get kind of a raw deal, doesn't it? At my local purveyor of seafoods, the big honkin' fist-sized sea scallops get a place of honor in the glass display case, while the bay scallops are stuck over in the freezer across the way, packed by the dozens into grim plastic bags, f...