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Phoenix As Fuck
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Why You Should Still Care About Lil Wayne
Sorry 4 the Wait 2, Lil Wayne's mixtape-length apology for the fact that his new album, Tha Carter V, hasn't been released yet, isn't exactly a home run. It's remix-heavy and frankly, a little boring. But that doesn't mean you should stop caring about him....
<i>RoboCop </i>Is The Best Movie Ever Made
In fourth grade, I went to school every day with a RoboCop lunchbox. In retrospect, this seems insane. RoboCop is arguably the bleakest, most violent, most nihilistic movie ever made by an American studio. Every scene seems to drip with malice even when nothing especially dramatic is happening. It's...
Last Night's <i>Hannity</i> Just Couldn't Stop Talking About Ballsacks
It's no surprise Ballghazi is taking over the cable news airwaves, but the national nets have sadly been too humble or afraid to utter the necessary term "ballsack." American patriot Sean Hannity's program is the home of real talk, though, and last night they just couldn't stop talking about ballsac...
Witness: Robert Allenby Hurt Himself After A Trip To The Strip Club
Professional golfer Robert Allenby's bizarre kidnapping story—the one in which he claims that he was kidnapped from a Honolulu wine bar, beaten, robbed, and then dumped in a park six miles away—keeps springing more leaks. ...
UNM Basketball Player Credits Twitter Dipshit For His Big Game
New Mexico guard Hugh Greenwood had 22 points and eight rebounds in Wednesday night's 71-69 win over UNLV. After the game, the senior said a tweet about his mother—who has secondary breast cancer—was part of the drive behind his performance....
Basketball Is Dead. The Knicks And Sixers Murdered It.
All the precious, fragile, bitterly-won gains of humankind's wretched, fitful, brave, millennia-long upward struggle went up in white-hot magnesium flames last night in Philadelphia and burned away to powder. All for nothing. All fantasies, every damn one. The Knicks and Sixers have shown us ours...
The Greatest Mötley Crüe Songs Of All Time (And The Worst)
Wanna be a roadie? Guess what? BEING A ROADIE SUCKS. I spent a couple days on tour with Mötley Crüe for this big GQ article that dropped today, and I have a newfound appreciation for the rigors of going on tour and setting up an entire goddamn stage in a new city in a differently shaped arena night ...
The NFL Should Just Leave Marshawn Lynch The Hell Alone
According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, the NFL is preparing to become much more aggressive in its battle against Marshawn Lynch and his continued refusal to give a fuck....
A-Rod Turns To Unlikely Source To Assist His Comeback: Barry Bonds
At 39 and having missed the entire 2014 season due to suspension, Alex Rodriguez is attempting an improbable comeback. His skills were already rapidly declining in 2013—in 44 games he posted his lowest batting average and slugging percentage since 1995, and his fielding has been getting worse for ...
Suit: High School Football Players Raped Girl, Recorded It
A teenage girl claims in a civil lawsuit that she was raped multiple times last year by three Culver City High School football players, who also recorded one of the rapes, shared the video with other students, and tried to intimidate her into not reporting what happened. The suit was filed last we...
Just How The Damn Hell Did Arsenal Pull That Off?
A few hours before the NFC Championship, an ocean away, a game of real football took place in England's Premier League between second-place Manchester City and fifth-place Arsenal. I'll spare you the drama: the good guys won....
Max Scherzer's Contract Isn't Quite As Impressive As It Seems
The Washington Nationals have reportedly signed Max Scherzer to a seven-year, $210 million deal. That's a lot of money! That's damn near Clayton Kershaw money! Except that it's not, really....
Bathroom Sex Had At Bull-Riding Event
A tipster who attended a Professional Bull Riders event at Madison Square Garden this weekend sends along the above photo. Allow him to describe the scene:...
Jim Gray Learns Not To Assume Guy Named "Maldonado" Can't Speak English
Tonight's SHObox undercard featured Amir Imam claiming a TKO win over Fidel Maldonado Jr. in a 140-pound bout. Afterward, ubiquitous microphone toady Jim Gray went to interview the losing fighter, a lifelong Albuquerque resident. Except he extended the mic to Maldonado's trainer, assuming the youn...
Screencap Classix: Hockey, In One Image
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Why Tonight's Heavyweight Title Fight Shouldn't Be On The Level
While professional boxing unquestionably often involves two fighters hitting each other as hard as possible in order to win their match, it also often puts business first. It looks as if a lot of X's and O's are being moved around in two upcoming heavyweight title bouts, presumably as long-range s...
How To Make Sausage And Peppers: A Guide For The Stir Crazy
This column originally ran on February 16, 2013. However, I've been laid up with strep throat for the past few days, so I'm resurrecting it, both because I haven't been able to cook at all this week, and also because this is what I will cook and eat as soon as I am able to swallow things again....
Funkmaster Flex Ethers Jay Z In Epic, Endless, Bomb-Laden Rant
DJ Funkmaster Flex—one of NYC's premier hip-hop DJs, putting in work at radio-station oracle HOT 97 for more than 20 years now—was in inspired, incessantly bomb-dropping form last night, unloading a rambling, 10-minutes-plus diatribe against everyone and everything surrounding Jay Z....