x Page 700 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Texas Clobbering Oklahoma, Trailing By 4
When you have 14 first downs to your opponent's one, and 278 total yards to your opponent's 29, you might expect to have a lead. But then again, you might not be the 2014 edition of the Texas Longhorns....
That's Good Kickoff Coverage, Texas
Oklahoma's Alex Ross leads the nation in kickoff returns, and his average will spike upward with yet another return for touchdown—thanks to some putrid coverage on behalf of the Texas Longhorns....
Sayreville Football Players Charged With Locker Room Sexual Assaults
NJ.com reports tonight that seven Sayreville War Memorial High School football players are facing charges due to a series of alleged sexual assaults on four victims in the locker room....
How To Separate Beer Signal From Beer Noise
Excerpted from Eat More Better: How to Make Every Bite More Delicious, the new book by Dan Pashman of WNYC's The Sporkful podcast and the Cooking Channel's You're Eating It Wrong web series....
<em>Blue Ruin</em> Is A Great Revenge Thriller About How Dumb Revenge Is
Every revenge movie eventually has to address the idea that, hey, maybe revenge is a really bad idea, that maybe you shouldn't organize your entire life around killing the person who wronged you. Usually, this notion is rejected immediately: A supporting character will say something like, "Wait, you...
Roberto Duran, World Champ Of Punching Dudes In The Dick
This showed up in ...
Boxer Gets Punched In The Dick So Hard He Can't Continue, Loses Fight
Last night on ESPN's Wednesday Night Fights, Carlos Velasquez took on journeyman boxer Jean Sotelo. Velasquez was heavily favored, and for the round and a half, dominated Sotelo. Then he punched Sotelo right in the dick....
Report: N.J. High School Football Players Sexually Assaulted Freshmen
Sayreville (N.J.) Superintendent of Schools Richard Labbe cancelled Sayreville War Memorial High School's football season Monday amid claims of hazing, though the details were unknown. But a parent of a Sayreville player talked to NJ.com today, and what happened sounds horrific and inhumane....
Report: NBA Bans Sexy-Ass Songs From German Cheerleaders' Routine
German basketball club Alba Berlin will take on the San Antonio Spurs in an exhibition game Wednesday, but their cheerleaders will be working at half-speed. The NBA apparently nixed three songs from Alba Berlin's squad's routine, on account of the tracks being too sexy, according to German tabloid B...
Jaguars Apologize For Mascot's Ebola Joke
Put that headline in a time capsule, so future generations can recall the brief period of time Ebola was in the news and the Jaguars were an NFL team....
Report: Geno Smith Missed A Meeting Because Of A Dumb Team Policy
The New York Jets got stomped to hell by the San Diego Chargers yesterday, and the 31-0 blowout was so bad that Jets starting quarterback Geno Smith was yanked before the start of the second half. Smith's day got even more embarrassing after the game, a report claimed that he'd missed a team meeting...
What's More Improbable: An 18-Inning Playoff Game Or A 13-Inch Penis?
The Giants-Nationals 18-inning game Saturday was the longest in MLB postseason history. But that still doesn't give a proper picture of how statistically unlikely this is. So let's talk dicks. ...
This Is The Life Of A Backup College Quarterback
Texas A&M quarterback Kyle Allen didn't have any responsibilities yesterday, so he spent some time yesterday chatting with a girl on the sidelines doing video. Mississippi State upset the Aggies, but Allen seems to be fine....
The Cowboys Will Not Suffer Your Silly Celebrations
Get that shit outta here....
Mississippi State Trounces Texas A&M, Alabama And Ole Miss Up Next
If you're tired of insufferable SEC fans trying to convince you that their perennial bottom-dwellers could run through any other conference, you can say whatever you want about the SEC East this year. The West division, however, is an insane collection of talent. ...
This Catch Gets Six Actual Points, Many More Style Points
It's likely to be part of a losing effort because their defense is sad, but Texas A&M injected a brief pause into their beating at the hands of Mississippi State with this pretty little touchdown....
How To Make Roast Pork Tenderloin, The X-Rated Cut Of Meat
There's simply no way around it: The pork tenderloin is weird-lookin'. It's shaped—well, dammit, it's shaped like a big ol' penis. You unwrap it from the butcher paper and you step back and you go, damn, man, this pork tenderloin looks like a dong. Can I manipulate this giant dong? This seems ...