yo Page 262 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kevin Durant Is A Recurring Nightmare
The bad dream that’s afflicting LeBron James is a long one, replete with horrors. J.R. Smith is there, wandering around with a lit M-80 in his hand. Jordan Clarkson is somehow lurking around every corner, wearing Kobe Bryant’s face as a mask. Kevin Love’s drowning in a glass water tank and LeBron ca...
Kevin Durant Won The NBA Finals Tonight
Even if everyone already knew the Warriors were eventually going to win the NBA Finals regardless of what happened tonight, Game 3 was actually pretty fun. The Cavs gave the Dubs their best shot on the way to a respectable 110-102 defeat. Kevin Love came to play, Rodney Hood reminded us that he was ...
LeBron James Has Always Had To Carry Useless Weaklings
As we wait out the formality that these lopsided, nightmarish NBA Finals have become, it’s still worth acknowledging just how impressive it is that LeBron James has carried such a messed up, broken Cavs team through the Eastern Conference. With a supporting cast of old three-point specialists, activ...
Giancarlo Stanton Still Isn't A Fan Of The Guy Who Broke His Face
It’s a marvel that Giancarlo Stanton had his face destroyed by a baseball pitch in 2014 and still has a career in the sport. He’s not even a shadow of himself, but still a powerful, sometimes overly aggressive hitter who now wears a c-flap on his helmet for added protection. In the second game of Mo...
Even For Aaron Judge, Eight Strikeouts Is A Lot!
The Yankees knew what they were signing up for when they brought together Aaron Judge and Giancarlo Stanton in the heart of their order. There would be stretches of pure pyrotechnic dong-mashing spectacle and there would also be days marked by multiple sullen trips back to the dugout, during which g...
This Is Evgeny Kuznetsov's Time
Before Game 4, a reporter spotted in Evgeny Kuznetsov’s locker a bottle of Fuck Off pills. It’s a gag gift—you know the sort of thing—even if I’m not sure exactly what the gag is supposed to be. But, uh, it might’ve worked. Because Kuznetsov went the fuck off, racking up four assists in the Capitals...
The Golden Knights Have Lost Their Mojo
There is no secret to what is happening to the Golden Knights, now down 3-1 in the Stanley Cup final after playing nigh-unbeatable throughout the playoffs. The zamboni has transformed back into a pumpkin, and not just a regular pumpkin, but a gross smelly rotted one. ...
Fox News Shows Eagles Players Praying, Falsely Implies They Were Protesting During Anthem
Picking on Fox News is the easiest thing in the universe. So let’s do it, shall we?...
The Capitals Finally Made Vegas Look Like An Expansion Team<em></em>
In the follow-up performance to a Game 3 loss marked by defensive miscommunications and mishaps, the Vegas Golden Knights looked even worse for most of Game 4, falling to the Capitals 6-2 to go down 3-1 in the Stanley Cup Finals. On the whole, Vegas actually did a better job of creating dangerous ch...
Kendrick Perkins Somehow Becomes The Central Part Of An NBA Finals Controversy
At the end of the third quarter of Game 2, Steph Curry missed a three and sauntered back towards his bench in front of the Cavaliers. Most of the Cavs let him walk freely, but not Kendrick Perkins, who refused to close his widespread legs and knocked knees with Curry....
The Yankees Are Pissed At ESPN
It’s barely June, and the New York Yankees have had seven games postponed due to rain or snow, plus one game suspended in the sixth inning. That means more rest early in the season (when they’re not sleeping on an airport floor), but a whole bunch of games to make up later in the year, be it double ...
Behold This Large Lad Hitting His First Home Run At The Most Opportune Moment
Cal State Fullerton lists freshman Jace Chamberlin—not “Chamberlain” and no relationship to Joba, that I can find record of—at 6-foot-4 and 240 pounds. The Los Angeles Times writes that he “got the nickname ‘Jumbo’ earlier this year on a trip to New Orleans due to his affinity for jambalaya.” Emphas...
All Routine Groundouts Should Look Like This
When you’ve reached the “playing for the Salt Lake Bees” point of your baseball career, it’s perfectly reasonable to have some fun with it. Eric Young Jr., erstwhile MLB speedster and veteran of 610 big league games over nine seasons, showed how this was done in a game on Sunday. ...
Here's Four Minutes Of Footage From Game 1 Of LeBron James Not Murdering J.R. Smith
Yes, Game 2 already happened, and it went just about as everyone expected after the Cavaliers blew their chance last week. It’s still worth going back to look to Game 1 and the exact moment this Finals series ended....
What Are You Supposed To Do About Steph Curry?
Steph Curry makes you want to ragequit. Throw up your hands; throw the controller across the room; swear, loudly, to an empty apartment. It’s a videogame term, but he’s a videogame talent: hitting low-percentage (for anyone else) shots at a rate that should be beyond human capabilities, and when the...
Watching The NBA Finals At Oracle Arena With The Overlords And Oligarchs In Club Prick
I watched Game 1 of the NBA Finals from extremely expensive seats in Oracle Arena, but I didn’t see J.R. Smith’s towering goof....
Giancarlo Stanton Blesses Bachelorette Party With Healthy Dong
Giancarlo Stanton viciously smote a poor baseball into the right field stands in Camden Yards Saturday, where it was gathered by the overjoyed members of a bachelorette party wearing “Team Bride” hats:...
J.R. Smith Is No Longer So Certain He Knew The Score
J.R. Smith was pretty clear after Game 1 that he knew the score and situation at the end of regulation, and that what appeared to be an all-time blunder was, in fact, a combination of team-wide confusion and a running clock. The play sure didn’t look that way, but that was his story and, honestly, i...
Maybe It Actually Is Okay For Caps Fans To Believe?
The Caps were still up by a goal after Braden Holtby’s incredible blunder in the third period of Saturday’s Game 3, but when it happened—the very instant Tomáš Nosek guided Holtby’s blind, panicked, incomprehensibly ill-advised give-away into the empty net—a vision of the next great gut-wrenching Ca...
NBA L2M Report: The Refs Made A Big Dumb Mess Of The End Of Game 1
It would be hard to overstate just how badly the Cavs were screwed by the universe at the end of Game 1 Thursday night. A rare reversed judgment call, an unexpected missed free throw, an uncalled lane violation, an apparent uncalled loose-ball foul, and an all-time blunder by one of their own, all i...