Teixeira Holding Up Entire Free Agent Market, Quest For World Peace

Our economy is in shambles, global warming threatens the planet and they're throwing loafers at us in Iraq. But if someone could just sign Mark Teixeira, the rest would fall neatly into place.

According to Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sports, the row of dominoes looks something like this: The Angels want closer Brian Fuentes, but only only if they lose Teixeira. The Cardinals also want Fuentes, so must wait on the Angels. If the Cardinals don't get Fuentes, they could go for pitchers Kenshin Kawakami or Will Ohman. If Boston the Angels don't get Teixeira, they're interested in Manny Ramirez, Milton Bradley and possibly others. The Yankees could be after the same group if they lose Teixeira. Meanwhile the Cubs and Rays want Bradley, but can not get him until he exhausts his options with the Angels and Yankees.

Once Teixeira signs with someone, the free agency dam will break with such ferocity that both Buster Olney and Peter Gammons will be swept out to sea, never to be heard from again. There will also be much property damage. But where is Tex most likely to go? From The Sporting News:

If Teixeira wants to be part of something special, he should sign with the Red Sox. Never mind a couple of extra years. He can name his price. Eight years at $165 million? Done, Mark. What jersey number would you like? See you in Fort Myers.

Where Teixeira Could And Should Play In 2009 [The Sporting News] Once Teixeira Signs, Others Likely To Get Deals Fast [Fox Sports]