Telestrator Dong: Horribly Insensitive Edition

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Since Nos. 1 Kansas and 2 Kentucky lost, and No. 3 Purdue had a bitch of a time with Minnesota earlier in the week, will Syracuse's destruction of Villanova be enough to get the Orange to No. 1? Here's a hint: all of these teams will be 1- or 2- seeds in the tourney, and it doesn't really matter.

•Buffalo Bills: smartest team in football? Because by now everyone should know that you get precisely one season of good teammate T.O. before the shitshow starts, the Bills announced they won't be bringing Owens back. Maybe not so smart, though: it took them a year to figure out that a top receiver is useless without anyone throwing to him.

•Twenty-one months removed from an NBA title, the Celtics have almost hit rock bottom; they lost to the Nets. I say "almost," because there is something worse than losing to a 6-52 team: being a 6-52 team.

• Danica Patrick crashes again, putting a halt to the NASCAR experiment for another four months as she returns to IRL. Life will continue as normal. People will continue to care about NASCAR. People will continue to care about Danica. People will continue to not care about IndyCar.

•Congrats to Steven Holcomb and his Night Train bobsled crew, for winning the first American gold since 1948. Old wisdom: bobsled isn't a real sport, and it's just for weirdo European countries. New wisdom: USA! USA! USA!

•Oh, and blame reader J.E. for the screengrab: "It might not be funny due to loss of life, but the attention to detail with the ball hairs kinda helps."

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It's just another Sunday, but it feels like Christmas morning. I say, without hyperbole (though also without the wisdom of age), that today sees the most-anticipated hockey game in the country's history. Buckle in.