The Dodgers Are Losing, and Everyone Has Completely Lost Their Minds

When the Major League Baseball trade deadline still loomed a week ago, it seemed like everybody and their bruh was losing their mind about the Los Angeles Dodgers.

It sounded like this:

"They're going to trade overhyped prospects for Tarik Skubal because there's no salary cap. And Rob Manfred is just going to let them get away with it! The Brewers shouldn't bother trying to make a trade because there's no point.

"The Dodgers already are the best team because of their unfair local TV deal and Shohei Ohtani's deferrals. And why isn't he in jail instead of Ippei? Because the commissioner doesn't want to risk MLB's relationship with Big Asia Baseball. Gee, I wish I had an interpreter.

"The Dodgers old owners declared bankruptcy and the team won a billion dollars in court, along with custody of Ohtani. Aren't you sick of hearing about him? I sure am. Rob Manfred should take that TV deal away!

"Threepeat, fourpeat, everyone else can't compete. I can't wait for the lockout."

So the Dodgers went out and traded for Skubal, just as feared. And what happened next?

They lost a game, and then another, and still several others. Six straight in all after getting swept by the Chicago Cubs in a three-game set at Wrigley Field that concluded Wednesday afternoon. It's causing mass hysteria.

The Cubs outscored the Dodgers in the series by more than anyone is able to count. Shohei won't pitch anymore, partly because of shame, and soon Dave Roberts won't let him hit, dress for games, or even walk his dog.

Pete Crow-Armstrong is the NL MVP now. Two-time. The Dodger dynasty is over.

The Dodgers don't control their own destiny. The Arizona Diamondbacks have a magic number of whatever they want to win the NL West. The Dodgers aren't allowed to play Max Muncy at third base, so they have use Max Muncy instead. Mookie Betts forgot how to bowl and can no longer dunk a basketball. Yoshinobu Yamamoto said, "Nah, I'm good."

Magic Johnson is never coming back to greet fans at Dodger Stadium. You're never leaving the parking lot at Dodger Stadium. No one can guarantee your safety if you finish that Dodger Dog.

Miguel Rojas flied to the warning track against Jeff Hoffman, so they're going to take away the 2025 trophy. Kirk Gibson also made an out vs. Eck and had to be carried off the field by Jeff Hamilton, so there goes the trophy from 1988 too.

Ron Cey is a real penguin and never learned how to swing a bat. Manny Mota is stuck in the bathroom and can't pinch-hit for Pedro Borbon. Vin Scully called games for the Giants. The Phillie Phanatic drove Tommy Lasorda away on his ATV and disappeared him in the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

Sandy Koufax pitched on all of the high holidays and got Tommy John surgery but they didn't know to call it that. Jackie Robinson integrated pro football instead. Randy Newman dislikes L.A. strongly. Skubal went back to the Tigers and signed a contract extension. The Angels still lost last night.

OK, so who's jumping to conclusions now? Reports of the Dodgers demise are no less premature or hysterical than the pre-deadline angst fest. These losses don't prove the reign is over; they're only a few games in August. But they should give every other potential playoff team a little jolt of confidence that maybe, just maybe, the Dodgers can be taken down. Everyone except for the Brewers, those chickens. They left Milwaukee in one of Bud's used Corollas, taking off for Seattle to live as the flightless Pilots.

American Family Field is available for family reunions and pickleball tournaments. All of the cheese in Wisconsin went bad. The Packers will never beat the Bears again.