The Kids, They Love Woody Paige

Did you know that ESPN dog food eater Woody Paige is a huge hit with the college kids? Did you know that he's the sensation that's sweeping the nation? Did you know that he can't walk anywhere on the streets of New York City without being mobbed by adoring fans? You didn't know that? Really? Well, so you know, all that's totally happening.

So says a story in the , which documents Paige's recent exit from the Denver Post and his — and we're not kidding here — "overnight success after 48 years." Honestly, this story's too insane not to just quote directly.

Kids and tweens love Woody, too; he hypothesizes that "they think I'm their age." (He cites Soupy Sales as a major influence.) And adults want their turn with Paige as well. ... [Paige] says ESPN management told him there'd be "options to readdress my contract" — a comment that hints at a raise. ... "It should have been a 25-minute walk," he estimates [about a walk to cover a fight in Las Vegas], "but it took me an hour and a half, because people stopped me every foot. They kept saying, 'There's what's-his-name,' or 'You're that guy.'"

Honestly, we can't even make fun of Paige anymore; we just feel bad for him. The guy not only thinks he's getting a raise, he's now stopping to sign imaginary autographs for imaginary people. But hey, he's into Soupy Sales. That's totally freaking hip with the kids.

King Woody [Denver Westword] Yeah, Red Smith Totally Used To Eat Weird Crap [Deadspin]